I have a mood disorder (I am somewhere on the spectrum but have really only had major depressive episodes as well as some hypomania.......I think If you had to pinpoint my diagnoses it would be a combination of PTSD, Cyclothymic mood disorder, ADD (not ADHD), and major depressive disorder.) I've been followed by a psychiatrist since I was 15 and diagnosed with depression. I am now almost 28 and have been an R.N for five years. I have to say that school was actually easier for me than being a nurse in the "real world". I actually have very good study skills and excellent reading comprehension so I was able to graduate from Northeastern University with a 3.5 GPA. My nursing class voted me "Most likely to be Late for the Boards" because of my reputation for either skipping lectures that I found boring or always showing up late for class and clinicals. A lot of times if they didn't take attendance in class I found it more beneficial to read the text and study on my own because I could not tolerate sitting still........I am a huge daydreamer but could at times super-focus and absorb large amounts of info in a sitting (especially if I was involved in class dialogue). Anyways, I got through school with the help of my roomates waking me up for class, following classmates to class and having friends who always reminded me of deadlines, schedules, etc. It was like my nursing school friends acted as personal assistants- they accepted me for who I am and I actually had a friend in school who also had ADD- he is an AWESOME nurse and has done well in the nursing world. Me, on the other hand, have gone from job to job trying to "find my niche". It's like I'm a job Who** and am always looking for the next best thing. I started in Labor and Delivery and that was very intense as a new grad.....I then left the hospital after a year and did travel nursing. Went to Hawaii and N.H (LOVE TO TRAVEL!). I had a back injury in N.H and was out of work for five months d/t an assaultive patient. After that, I decided travel nursing was not safe and my confidence as a nurse was shaken to say the least. I was diagnosed with PTSD from the assault and fell into a major depression. I was in physical therapy for five months until I could break the pain cycle from my neck injury. I also had back surgery at age 22 right after I took my boards (on Time!- first person in my class to pass with flying colors....), so getting injured again really took it's toll. During all this, My dad was diagnosed with Bipolar I and anyone who has lived with someone with that diagnoses knows how painful it can be for a family member. I was able to get him treatment and he has been stable for four years on his meds. At one point (again, while I was studying for those boards that I was determined to be on time for!), he was so suicidal that we decided to go ahead with ECT and I carried the brunt of caring for him as an outpatient. So you can see why I ran away to Hawaii after all that I went through....after less than a year I had to take a short leave of abscence from my job and fought my nurse manager with the help of my union rep (and Won!) for discrimination. She was bullying me and giving me a hard time about taking the time off I needed to get my depression under control, despite the fact that I had a valid letter from my MD ordering a reduction in hours and no night shifts until further notice. The letter also stated I was competent and safe to work part-time. My advice would be NEVER to disclose to an employer the reason you are taking an Leave of Absence. Having to defend myself and fight with administration for my right to stay healthy was a nightmare. And legally they have no right to know any of your health information. The only time I would ever disclose that I have depression or ADD is if I was well-established in a job. I was very naive to think that this particular management would be understanding about any illness, never mind a mental one! Anyways, back to my career path.....after getting assaulted by a patient on a travel assignment I was reluctant to work in a hospital setting so I got a job working as an IV infusion nurse in an outpatient facility. I started per diem working with a world-renowned physician who specializes in occular immunology. However, I found the job repetative and boring and always wanted to go back to working in maternal child health. So I refused a permenent position because it simply wasn't "my passion". It is like I need instant gratification at work....and was either overwhelmed or bored- never inbetween. I still work per diem for this company, which is great.......they were always very understanding about my chronic lateness because I did a great job when I was there and connected well with the doctor, who has written 50 textbooks and is a pioneer in his field. (I find that ironic because I feel so dumb sometimes.....) Last fall I decided to move and start a new job- continued to work per diem at the infusion site and then took a 16 week position in Maternity at a local hospital. I couldn't juggle the change, was late for several shifts and did not learn the charting fast enough since I was only there once or twice a week. I was also on Lamictal at the time, which made me very foggy. Turns out I couldn't tolerate even the tiniest dose and am now considered allergic to it. Too bad because it really helped my moods. However, I am now more stable without it....I've done better mood-wise the past year or so and worse with the ADD. So I was fired for the first time in my life. On to the next job.....pedi home care and MCH home visits. The driving was a nightmare because I have no sense of direction and the pay was terrible. The little boy I took care of was constantly in and out of the hospital so I had no job security. I made the painful decision to "break up" with my little patient and do what I thought was best for me....get back on the horse and go back to my first love- Labor and Delivery. Well, I got some confidence back because I ended up picking it up quickly this time since I was full time. My preceptor also had ADD and seemed to understand the way I thought. Not to mention I am great one-on-one and L&D is usually 1:1 ratio. Unfortunately, I called in sick twice and overslept for my shift twice. It was slow in Dec. so my manager made the decision to let me go. She said it had nothing to do with my nursing ability or how I was doing in my job. I know there were also budget cuts and we were overstaffed, but if I hadn't given them a reason they probably would have kept me on staff. The staff members were shocked and all said they would recommend me and that this never would have happened if it wasn't slow on the unit; that I was being made an example out of, and that I was a great nurse. Still didn't help the devestation and failure that I felt when I was let go from a place where I finally felt like I belonged. Reliability, getting to work on time, and keeping my schedule strait is a HUGE challenge for me. I do not have any substance abuse issues (Thank the LORD!), it is just how I've always been. Early mornings are very tough for me....it's like my brain and body sometimes don't wake up until around 1pm. I can sleep through three or four alarms when I am in a deep sleep and "normal" people don't understand this. I've been this way since I was a little kid and my dad is the same way. It doesn't help that I live alone and don't have a husband or roomates to help wake me up (it's not an easy job to get me out of bed in the morning). Anyways, I am not a quitter.....I did consider getting my teaching certificate as I am very good with children. I may take the MTELS but I feel that there has got to be some way that I can manage my ADD and time management issue and be successful in my career for now. I have an interview at McLean hospital tomorrow (a harvard-affiliated psych hospital) and think this would be a good job since I am very knowledgable in psych. Not to mention the job market is TERRIBLE right now. I also have had the depression under control for quite a while now so I feel I am okay to help others. It's a risk doing this but life is all about risk taking. My parents are not happy with me considering psych nursing since it was a psych patient that I was assaulted by, but I told them that is in the past and that this can happen in any area of nursing, especially ER. I feel it would be a shame to waste my talent and interest in psychiatric nursing just because I am afraid of having a repeat of what happened to me before. I don't want to go through life afraid, and feel that I have learned so much from my experiences and can only consider myself a work in progress. Thanks to everyone for reading.....comments and/or advice are welcome. Especially regarding being on time. It is easier said than done for me, and I think that is a common trait for people with ADD. I am also anticipating having trouble multitasking since I am used to having a lower nurse/patient ratio. Then again, I can run 7 IV infusions in the infusion suite at once......It's just a matter of having a routine. Has anyone else had similar experiences? I would love to hear from you. P.S My current meds are Effexor XR, Klonopin PRN at bedtime, and Adderall XR. I only take the Adderall on a very limited basis because of my family history of BPD. It can cause mania and where I am on the mood disorder spectrum I am very careful about taking anything that could cause an extreme mood of any kind. Every "episode" of depression or hypomania can alter the brain in such a way that future episodes are harder to avoid. The Adderall XR works great but makes me a little anxious and then when it wears off I am EXHAUSTED and irritable.