It's so great that you were strong enough to put up this post. I have felt less than great dealing with depression and just entering the nursing field. I don't know if my employers need to know I have suffered in the past and am currently on meds. I am proud that I made it through school and am working and not dealing with any Sx's (at this point) although my anxiety is a bit tough to control somedays. I work on the mental health floor at the hospital and I LOVE it. I feel like I make a real difference, without patients knowing about my past. I feel they can tell I understand at least some of their pain. I know that depression doesn't last a few days and "they were the worst DAYS ever" and that the mind really can mess you up without being able to control it. Don't feel like a failure because you are taking meds, because that would mean everyone on meds is a failure, and I can guarantee that we are not! The failure comes in not taking care of yourself and you are working on you and that is huge. Focus on something positive, even something really small, like getting up and dressed or sleeping less today and take it from there. I worry though that you keep going off your meds. I am concerned that like anti-psychotics, once you stop a med, they become less and less effective. Why not think of it has some people take BP meds all their lives, insulin everyday and some are wearing patches for many different reasons, why is this any different? If you have to take them for the rest of your life, it's better than having those lows that last for years and take meds to pull you out of it. Consistency is key, in my opinion. Good luck, there is light at the other side of the bridge (I prefer not to say tunnel, they are too dark!). I have seen it and it is great! I hope to meet you there one day! (Also, as much as people dislike Dr. Phil, he has some really positive messages about mental health and depression). Take care of yourself!