ok. i was provisionally accepted, now what? i feel terrible because i do not think that i am as excited as i should be. i received the letter on yesterday, i immediately knew what it was, and it took about 15 minutes before i even read it. as i read the letter there was i smile on my face but shortly afterwards i put it on my dresser and did not look at it again for about 6 hours. i did not call anyone telling them that i was accepted. i told my mom late in the evening and that was it. i did not text or email anyone either. i did however comment on my post (1) and that was it. i commented on another post this evening.
should i be more excited? i have worked hard but...someone said that the realization has not "hit me" yet. i think contrarily. i think reality has set in and now i am thinking about the financial implications. although i have been saving in anticipation of this very moment, is it going to be enough? what if i have to scale down my work hours? what about my mortgage? will my supervisor accept?
will i be dedicated to studying long and hard? am i going to make it through the program? i have heard stories about classes starting with 50 people and ending with 5. what if i am one of the 45 who cannot cut it?
what about my children? when i told my son that i was going back to school he said "oh no, you're going to be studying all the time!" i explained this move is so that we can have a brighter future and that it is better now than later. i think he understood. what about the younger ones? they will almost never have quality time with me. i promised my daughter that after i finished we would go on a 7-day vacation to wherever she wanted. she looks up to me so much and do not want to let her down.
i think that i am just nervous. i will do well. i will succeed. failure is not an option. i will make it!
"for i know the plans i have for you," says the lord. "they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."