randomnamees

You have been working flat all day without even a coffee break, but the moment you sit down, the supervisor walks around the corner and sees you doing nothing You never use foul language, except when the boss is standing behind you. When you need the money, your shift is cancelled; when you have a weekend planned, you have to do overtime. Realizing the patient you've just injected has a serious infection causes you to stab yourself with the used needle. A 500 pound patient needs all care, while your 80 pound patient needs a finger dressing ... and your colleague has a "bad back." It's you're first night shift for three years. And it's a full moon. You're doing the "Only 27 more minutes of the shift from hell happy-dance", only to turn around to see your supervisor standing there. In a critical situation, the most highly qualified clinician will offer the most advice and the least support. The absurdity of the suggestion is directly proportional to the distance from the bedside. As soon as you finish a thirty minute dressing the doctor will come in, and take a look at the wound. The disoriented patient always comes from a Nursing Home whose beautiful paperwork has no phone number on it. Your nose will itch the very moment your gloved hands get contaminated with bodily fluids. The patient who has been dying all night finally meets his maker 12.5 minutes before shift change. You walk out of a patient's room after you've asked them if they need anything: they will put the call bell on as you are about three quarters the way down the hall. The patient furthest away from the nurses' station rings the call bell more often than the patient nearest to the nurses' station. The doctor with the worst handwriting and most original use of the English Language will be responsible for your most critical patient. You always remember "just one more thing" you need after you've gowned, gloved, and masked and gone into that isolation room. The correct depth of compression in adult CPR is a bit less than the depth you just reached when you broke those ribs. When you cancel extra staff because it's so quiet, you are guaranteed a rash of admissions. If you wear a new white uniform, expect to be thrown up on. Corollary: Residents always poop on your brand new shoes. When management smiles at you, be very, very afraid ... Staffing will gladly send you three aides--but you have to float two of your RNs. As soon as you discontinue the IV line, more fluids will be ordered. Mandatory meetings are always scheduled after you've had the night from hell and just want to go home to bed. You always forget what it was you wanted after you get to the supply room. You always remember when you get back to the other end ... Doctors only ask your name when the patient isn't doing well. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the boss is watching. As soon as you've ordered the pizzas, 25 patients show up at the ER registration desk along with three ambulances all with cardiac arrests! For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. Ten seconds after you have finished giving a complete bed bath and changing the bed, the patient has a giant code brown. If a patient needs four pills, the packet will contain three. Your buddies who were reading the paper at the nurses' desk a minute ago always disappear when you need help ... Expect to get your pay raise the same day the hospital raises the parking rates (and other charges) The better job you do, the more work you can expect to be handed ... The amount of clean linen available is inversely proportional to your immediate needs. The more confused and impulsive a patient is, the less chance there is for a family member or friend to sit with the patient. The perfect nurse for the job will apply the day after that post is filled by some semiqualified idiot. Corollary: You hear about the perfect job the day after you accept another one. If only one solution can be found for a problem, then it is usually a stupid solution. Despite an apartment littered with clothes, the dog will always sleep on the one clean uniform that you had laid out the night before. When the nurse on the preceeding shift has surrounded the patient with absorbant pads, the code brown will hit every sheet and miss every pad. Rest assured that when you are in a hurry, the nurse's notes have not been written. When you are starting an IV on an uncooperative patient, or dealing with a huge code brown, there is a phone call for you and it's that crabby physician that you have been paging all morning. Fire drills always occur on your day from hell - or at the end of a 12 hour shift when you have an important date. The first person in line when the clinic opens will not require urgent care. The sickest person will arrive 5 minutes before closing: "I thought I'd feel better"

> This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter > of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. > > This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award > for sure... > > Dear Sir, > > I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block > 3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor planning" as the cause of my > accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following > details will be sufficient: > > I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone > on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I > had some bricks left over, which, when weighed later were found to be > slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I > decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to > the side of the building on the sixth floor. > > Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel > out and loaded the bricks into it. > > Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow > descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form > that I weigh 135lbs. > > Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my > presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I > proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of > the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an > equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions > the broken collarbone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. > > Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the > fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. > Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to > hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now > beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel > of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid > of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I > refer you again to my weight. > > As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the > building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. > This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe > lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change > slightly. > > The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries > when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae > were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on > the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and > presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty > barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken > legs. > > I hope this answers your inquiry.

two words.... digital extraction

An Accident and Emergency Department in Birmingham boasts a Nurse Payne Nurse Hacker scrubs regularly in a London Operating Department Sister De'Ath walks the corridors of a hospice in Victoria Does Annie Beaver still work in Obstetrics in New York? Mrs. Ake, a retired RN, was a specialist nurse in rheumatology Kathy Foley was the head of the Catheter Insertion Team (back when they had those in the old days). Dr Hui (pronounced "Wee") was a urologist whose wife, a nurse, worked as his office manager. Her name was Pi (pronounced "Pee"). Nurse Cox worked for a different team. Chris Feely always favoured complementary therapies - especially therapeutic massage, while Nurse Fang was more at home with Cosmetic Surgery. Ed worked with a nun who's last name was Fuchs. He did not know how to pronounce her name - so he asked. And he wanted to die. Mary Slaughter could never get a post on the Surgical Unit, and Nurse Cutts was never the 'First Pick' Midwife. Sharon Ward - when she gets promoted - will be Sr. Ward. Not forgetting Melina, who works on a general medical ward and Nurse Nurse - she goes where she's sent!

the link works for me? https://allnurses.com/news/jump.cgi?ID=422

I caught a few minutes of the show, it was pretty good. A dean from the Nursing School at Emory hit on some good points. Here is a link to an article on CNN: https://allnurses.com/news/jump.cgi?ID=422

A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. When the man sat down and began observing the tools, he noticed there were 3 items on a stand next to the doctor's desk. 1. A tube of K-Y jelly 2. A rubber glove 3. A beer When the doctor finally came in, the man said "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?" At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doctor flung the door open and yelled to his nurse........ "Dammit, nurse! I said 'A BUTT LIGHT!'"

READ THIS TO HELP YOU MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY Subject: Q-Tip Last week I went to a seminar called *Stress and Disease by Dr. Nickolas Hall, an expert in psychobiology. He gave an example of a coping skill for job stress which I would like to share with you. When you have had one of those TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT days, try this. On your way home after work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by *Q-Tip. Be very sure that you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit and lie down on your bed. Open the package containing the thermometer, and remove the thermometer and carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer and as you read it you will notice in small print the statement that "every rectal thermometer made by Q-Tip is PERSONALLY tested." Now close your eyes and say out loud five times, "I am SO glad that I do not work in quality control at the Q-Tip Company."