There are no right answers in this case. You told her what you and she both wanted/needed to hear. This gave her the ability to be calm at a critical time. That can also give someone the wherewithall to fight. I know it is hard to get some things out of your head and telling you to is futile but each time you think about it you have to think of all the good things you have done and know that you did what you had to do.