mssensitivity

I graduated in Dec.09 and came off of Orientaton in May. I have been having good days and then bad days throughout this time. I work on a Geriatric MedSurg/Stroke/Vascular unit. Well, for the past 3 weeks, its as if the bottom fell out from underneath me. Prior to this my days have been very busy, end up staying late and working my butt off, but my patients love me, I have gotten many recognition letters from my patients that go to the manager and we get complimentary lunches for a "good Job". then, things went haywire. My patient assignments were off the roof: 3/4 patients being isolation, 2 patients on restraints with severe brain damage from CVA's and a another rather large patient on dialysis, sepsis, pressure ulcers. The acuity of my patient assignments were like this for the past 3 weeks if not worse, with last week me being given 5 patients, all of whom were on isolation and very sickly requiring multi interventions. I have been asking for help; like a mentor, someone I can go to and discuss my caseloads and the goings on of the day at the end of the day, and even throughout the day; like a mentor that I can go to during my shift to help me with questions regarding the patient illness, how to do this or how to do that, confirm my observations and or how they would have handled the situation. how would you handle the priority, document, etc. Last week I had a preceptor follow me, and needless to say, it was difficult, my assessment documentation wasn't completed in a timely manner, it was if having her be with me threw me off completely. I didn't know she was going to be with me and I guess this is what caused me to sink. Long story short, on Thursday, my manager told me there would be a discussion at 1400 to discuss observations the preceptor had noted. Well I go into the office and not only was it the manager, my preceptor but the nurse educator from the hospital, whom I value her opinion. It was three against one (this is how I felt by the end of the meeting) Much have had to been said about my performance for three of them to be there; and when I stepped into the office, I said "hmmm this looks more serious than I had expected." No comments wer made. Long story short, I felt as though it was 3 to one, I was backed into a corner and felt speechless, I'm not a good one who can just have things roll out of my mouth and defend myself, when it comes to responding to comments made. I do as an afterthought. My preceptor said that I was very disorganized, I don't assess my patients for pain; and there was an issue 3 weeks ago regarding heparin that made me "an unsafe nurse" 3 weeks ago I had a patient given to me in report, who was an ortho patient. The dr. had him on 600units/hour = 12 ml/hr. This wasn't low dose or weight dose. It was heparin, so I guess cause I didn't understand what sort of heparin this was and didn't look at it well I look stupid. I have worked with heparin about 3 times now since working on the floor, but it is not consistently. Very spread out. The night shift passed to me this patient, and she had one IV access line for heparin, a banana bag, NS and an antibiotic. She was running everthing though this one line at a time (except for NS), and I questioned this, but she said "oh no you don't need more than one line, you just piggy back these meds through the heparin. Now, my gut told me that I didn't think this sounded correctly, but I didn't question her b/c she is a seasoned nurse, and maybe I was just missing something that I had learned and I would research later. The heparin order later this morning was changed to a low-dose protocol order; and this is when I sought out help. I was told that this makes me a nurse that is not safe, b/c my gut told me something wasn't right, and I should have sought out help immediately. I feel horrible. As far as the Assessment of pain, I did deny this 100% b/c I do this often throughout the day; my preceptor based this on one family members comment whom happened to be a physician, and who came in to see her mother at the change of shift. Since the preceptor was in there talking to the family, I felt confient that the preceptor was taking care of the family since I had to give report and complete additional interventions with other patients. Well, this backfired on me too. I did explain my side of the story and was very confident when I explained my rationale of the whole situation. I was reprimanded about the heparin and basically told that by me allowing this medication to hang the way it was, was unsafe, and this is why I wasn't a safe nurse. I was told heparin, is heparin, is heparin, and when the new order came for "low-dose protocol" I could have just changed the rate, and sought out help to double check my math. but I think this is wrong too cause you have low dose and the weighted, right? In this meeting was told I was a very disorganized, unsafe and a nurse who does not assess her patients for pain in a timely manner. I did attest to this and the organization skills b/c I believe in myself as being very good at this, but as with anyone else improvement is always a given for all of us. Wow, do you want to talk about low self esteem and feelings of stupidity? I'm at the bottom and haven't slept all weekend, and have a nauseated stomach...etc. Can I get some advise, please, can someone give me insight to my disarray, have I even gave enough information to get sound advice? I hope that this letter makes sense and I can get advice. Should I stay at this hospital or should I leave?

thanks, I appreciate your input.

I am in my 3rd semester of nursing school, and feel as though I am ready to melt. I have this total fear of failing, even though I am making good grades and study all the time. Lately, I absorb what everyone is saying and personalize this to my self. Its almost as if I am on this self destructive course almost, but I don't want to be. I think I have lost myself somewhere between chapters of mania and paranoia. I am being very negative to my self(ok, I know I sound as if I am losing it) I don't know what has come over me. I am sorta scaring myself. As we all know, nursing school is very stressful. And after being in school all day, then coming home frustrated, pent up and feeling loco, I attempt to talk to my husband and then all he.. breaks loose. I forwarn him that how I am about to act or what I may say, to not take personal, but it always ends up this way. I come home and basically have my meltdown and feel better about the school issue, but it too causes conflict between us. He is trying to be supportive, he is excited about me becoming a nurse, but when I come home and vent, he takes it personal and thinks I am attacking him, then we end up fighting. More stress. You know how you feel after you finish taking a test? For me anyway, stressed....self doubt, worried, unsure.....and then a good majority of people congregate afterwards discussing questions, well, I can't do this anymore, cause this just adds to my four course meal of stress! I know I self inflict a lot of this. Has anyone else felt the way I do? Am I losing it completely? What do you do to stop the negative thinking?

You appreciate school when your older! I started college many years ago, after starting my family, got divorced, remarried, raised my kids and now am in my second year of nursing school. I am attending a nursing school in Maryland, AACC, a very reputable associate RN program. I'm half way there, and very proud of myself. You'll be a great nurse, even moreso, because your love and desire will get you there. I'm in my 40's and at times feel ackward because I am older than most of the students, but I am not the oldest! Age is just a number and so when I start to feel this ackward way, I just shrug it off!

Hey there, Happy holidays. Sorry to hear about your problems, but chin up, your closing the chapter of one part of your life and opening another chapter from here forward. I am not in the same situation as you with divorce, but I am married with grown children. I started back to school 3 years ago, and I am proud to say that I have just completed my first year of nursing school. Very proud of myself. You will be awewsome in your endeavors you are about to take on. I am in my 40's and very happy and content with the decision I made to enter nursing school. One piece of advise I have read from the responses you have gotten today from wild chipmunk is to not share your personal life with others, unless you get a true trusting relationship with a fellow student, she is very correct! Nursing school is very competetive, and although your not "competing" with your fellow student, there is a definate competition amongst each other. Even though you do well on a test, and if you are doing better than your other fellow students, they may tend to say that they are happy for you, but are probably jealous.... Good luck

Hey there! Happy holidays to all. This is my first time responding to any sort of topic on AllNurses. I am a student at the college, AACC, in the nursing program. I just completed my first year of nursing school! Whahoooeee! Very happy. If you are interested in being a student at AACC, the schedule is not that bad. Your first semester, you basically are in school Mon.-Thurs. and Fridays are usually off, but occasionally have classes. Class days are 9:00 to 3:00 basically. Fridays are open Lab.This is when you can "practice" what you learned in your clinical lab classes. You have to pass the math test before being able to go into clinical. Clinicals are on Tuesday and Wednesday, usually 7:00 to 3:00 or 8:00 to 4:00, varies by site. Second semester, clinical days are the same, classes are not as long. AACC is a great school. Very intense. Very competetive. If you apply yourself, you will do well. Nursing is a great profession and as a nurse, with the knowledge retained, you can help your community so well! Good luck in your endeavors.....Happy New Year

Hi there, my name is Beth and I have just finished up my pre-req's for the RN Program where I live. I went back to school 2 years ago, at the age of 41! I am anxiously waiting for a response from the college right now to see if I have been accepted. The deadline for the application was Sept. 15, and I will not hear until Nov. 15! Long await. I have raised my kids, and started this nursing venture many years ago. But going through a divorce, raising 2 kids on your own, remarrying put a curve into my nursing dreams. But I guess the fact of the matter is, your never too old, and only as old as you act. I am blessed that I am in a position to be able to go back to school with a supporting husband. He is helping to make this dream a reality (if I get accepted into the program!) anyway, this could turn into a book, Go for your goal, your certainly not older than I am! Beth