tiredrn84
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First I am so sorry for the emotional pain and grieving you are going through. I can relate to nearly all of it. When you said you felt you’d done all the right things and here’s where you end up (to paraphrase) that you feel you’ve done all this to have a family and yet you sit here with no baby. I FEEL you. I became a nurse to have a flexible schedule for family life, always have a job, have a passion for my work (bec ya know helping people) and make decent pay. I am a second career nurse almost 37 and have been trying for a baby for a little over a year and no luck. I wish I had tried to have a baby in my 20s, I feel foolish. Anyway-When the pandemic hit I was on month 6 of trying (the time at which the gyn said let’s talk fertility tx) and each period felt like doom/failure. I have endometriosis and my husband has poor morphology likely d/t varicocele. I also was so stressed out by work before this all that I was waking up drenched in sweat and constantly getting sick (I have a chronically swollen lymph node as a reminder of this time). Anyway, in March I was told to pause on fertility planning bec of the pandemic. Not only that but my husband suddenly decided he may not want a child in this horrible world (the worst part is I felt on the fence too!). But I felt SO alone and confused. I was heartbroken crying everyday, having panic attacks, and in a daze. I found myself in a complete mental breakdown and retriggered PTSD. During the leave I took I realized (with weekly therapy) that work and the lack of my own clear goals, asking for what I needed and boundaries had led me into a life I didn’t want. I know you’ve been trying for 5 with a miscarriage —I can’t imagine the hurt. I know you’ve been a nurse much longer than me. You have a lot of self insight and you should be glad for that and take your own advice—listening to yourself can be hard but please do, you really do know the true answer even if it’s hard for you to accept. Anywho...here is my advice. Prioritize couples counseling. If you are to have a baby you both need to really want it. I am concerned that though you love your husband the relationship isn’t actually meeting your needs- but only you know this and counseling can help! Prioritize getting mentally and physically healthy (nursing robs this from you for real). Side note- read the book making babies if you haven’t it’s worth a read. This also means find another job, it pains me to hear your mediocre pay, bad schedule and tiredness/stress. The south is notoriously low pay from what I hear. Which is BS! Nurses deserve better pay nationally. What about an educator job- like diabetes educator? Can you do two per diem jobs and make better pay? Can you ask for a raise? I used to be a afraid to ask for more $ and now I do and I get it, crazy. Literally had a recruiter say “good for you, I wish more women would ask!”. Forget travel...Is relocating permanently an option at all? In CA, NY and Massachusetts for instance I know a new grad starts around $35/hr or more and so with 10+ yrs experience you can easily make much more like 90-100k a year. Or make what you make now but working like 1-2 days a week and reduce stress like ALOT! I hope whatever you do that you change something though it is hard. I’m sad that you’re sad and I hope you find your way toward peace, a family of your own, and job enjoyment!
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I hate to echo most of this thread but I wouldn't advise it. Go volunteer or shadow for a couple shifts if you can (I know pandemic and all you may not be able to) and if you are completely in love look at scholarships and cheapest options--read: DO NOT go into debt for this field. Also, I did my last clinical on 12 hr nights and was a shell of a human. I could not do nights. I could have when I was 25, not now, something to think of if you aren't a night owl and are a little older. I'm lucky to have gotten a day job out of school I am paid $24/hr in a mid sized city on the east coast. It's barely enough for basic expenses-- rent, electric, cell phone, car, gas, groceries, and internet. My health insurance sucks, which is a joke to me. Go read Nurse Abnormalities insta post on her pay history, it sank my heart. I wasn't unlucky, all nurses are underpaid for the heavy work we do all day. Also a 12 hour shift is never 12 hours, it's 13 or 14. That is a long time to be on your feet constantly (I hike and am active but it wipes me out). It blows my mind. No one should do this for the money, I didn't, but I stress about bills every day in addition to high stress job. I'm angry and hurt at the root. I deserve to enjoy my days off but it's impossible many times. I thought about getting pregnant and I don't even know if I can afford a kid on my earnings (hello student loans) at 37 this is scary to me. Two years into my first career out of college with a generic degree, I earned 15K more than I do one year into nursing with a master's and I was no where near as burned out and anything I did only effected how much a marketer paid for an advertisement. I left a $100K a year job because I thought money doesn't buy happiness but actually there's a study that shows the salary that in fact supports happiness (like $70K?), so silly me I was wrong haha. I wish someone had told me the cold reality. I may still have gone into nursing but I would have taken a different path with no student debt and while working. So if you can do it without sacrificing much then go forward and try it if you are convinced you will love it. This is ONLY my advice, I can't tell you how your future will play out. I will tell you I long for the days when my bills were paid, I bought sushi when I wanted it, I bought gifts for friends birthdays without batting a lash, gave to charities with ease, and had vacations to look forward to. Unfortunately we live in a world ruled by money and being low paid is a hard reminder of that (and everyday you will also be reminded of many who have it much worse which only makes me more sad). There is a reason depression and anxiety is engulfing healthcare workers in general...A lack of quality leadership, environment, fair pay, respect, outdated practice that doesn't acknowledge evidence, and much more I can't think of off the top of my head. I hope to be part of a real change for workers and for the patients. My dissatisfaction may also be because I've been a manager before and I see a lot of management flaws all day long. And my parting comment is that there are moments in the past year that also make me smile deeply, helping a patient through a family betrayal, a successful code blue for a young person and several others. It's not all bad but things, but it must change for this to be the wonderful career it could be and oh to make nurses stay and reduce the horrible attrition! The money people take advantage of nurses because we do have big hearts. :( Good luck to you.