wbc

I fell at work in April, 1997. A simple fall and simple subsequent surgery. I ended up with sacro-iliac dysfunction and fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I haven't been able to work since that day. I miss it every day because I loved it so much. One of the most difficult aspects of my journey has been (1--finding a diagnosis, (2--finding the right meds for me. (3--dealing with the depression and (4--losing the ability to do everything I used to take for granted. I've had many doctors, nurses, and others tell me I'm crazy, that I should just suck it up, that they can't figure this out,and some thinking I'm making excuses. I believe, and always have believed, that if a patient tells a nurse or doctor that he or she is in pain they should listen and not judge. Fibromyalgia is a real condition. It isn't diagnosed with an x-ray or labs. It is process of elimination. I explain sometimes by telling others that an excellent day for me would be to have a pain level of six. People who live without pain can relate to the pain scale. I've had some tell me that if their pain level was that high they would call in from work and be in bed. To others with Fibro I say have a great day. To nurses, listen to your patients. Believe in Fibro, it's real and treat your patients and colleagues with Fibro with respect. Winona Cross BSN, RN (retired)

Excellent questions. I do agree with the above post that you should interview a nurse in your area. That being said let me answer your questions. I'm an RN with a BSN and several hours toward an MSN. I am retired due to a fall and disability in 1997. I actually fell at the hospital when I was rounding up my students for post-conference. I miss nursing and I miss teaching and I would do almost anything to be back in the hospital or university. I knew from my first day of OB clinicals that this was my calling. Loved it. My first delivery at that time was traumatic, but I knew from my readings that better advances loomed. That first delivery--the patient was sedated, but was strapped to the table with leather restraints. Labor and Delivery, and any other area of nursing, consists of quiet or wild days. I always loved the wild days . . . I left work exhausted but exhilirated. I'll tell you this, OB and ER nurses are very superstitious. Never completely erase the patient status board, If there are no patients make one up. My favorite part of OB nursing was and always will be the miracle of birth. I have no idea how many deliveries I've been a part of but I do know that tears came to my eyes each time. My least favorite part of OB nursing was caring for "children" giving birth because of incest, abuse, rape, or sexual promiscuity. These girls need and require the most understanding, loving, and nonjudgmental care you can offer. I also hated neonatal death. Gosh, changes in OB care. My favorite has been single room maternity care. The demise of leather restraints. I do like the notion that laboring mothers can have family with them. When I was having my sons dads and family were forced to wait in a dingy waiting room. I can't work anymore but I still do volunteer perinatal bereavement in my community. I miss it. Favorite stories: The first one to come to mind was Baby Robin. Her mom went into preterm labor at 28 weeks. We managed that and Baby Robin was born at term. She was beautiful and so healthy and so wanted and so loved. I took care of her in the nursery. Her temperature wouldn't stabilize. She went south rapidly and died when she was 13 hours old. It was Beta Strep. She would be 23 years old now. In my first year of nursing I worked at The Methodist Hospital in Houston. One Father's Day I volunteered to care for a couple who had agreed to have their labor and delivery filmed for a TV station. All went perfectly. Then . . . delivery. The baby was crying, but the Doctor didn't hold him up as was his practice. He motioned me over to him and handed me the baby. I took him and saw that he had a bilateral cleft palate. Still filming. I wrapped him in a way to cover the baby's face and took him to mom and dad. It was a shock but they smiled and hugged on him. The episode aired and no one watching could tell something was wrong. The film crew didn't even know. As an instructor two of my favorite stories include the time I had an excellent student who I felt would soar. She never displayed nerves. But, her first time to enter a labor room I had to literally open the door and push her inside. She did well. Another time, I had a breathtakingly handsome male student. He could have been on the cover of a romance magazine. I visited patients to make assignments and asked one woman if she would mind having a male student. "Of course not." The next morning the student went in to her room to introduce himself. He came right back out and was upset. The patient had sent him packing. I went to check on her and she said she didn't know he would look "like that" when she agreed to have a male student. I did some juggling and that student went on to diagnose a positive Homan's sign that day. Enough. Good luck to you. Stay true to who you are. Find nurses you find really good and emulate them. Stay away from lazy nurses or those who feel they are too good to take care of bedpans, walks to the bathroom, or other basic duties. Nursing is about caring. Always.

Here in Oklahoma refresher courses are offered at three sites. It costs about $2500 and requires about 70 hours of lecture, 10 or more hours in the skills lab, and 80 plus hours in a clinical setting. I've been out since 1997 due to a disability but want to reinstate my license. Taking the refresher precludes taking boards. I would never want to do that again! Winona, BSN RN

:redpinkhe Drumwidows post of May 18 does a great job of telling readers about the frustrations and the notions of others about living with fibro and the accompanying junk that follows us around. I've read all of the posts with interest because of my own fibro issues. It is my hope that nurses and others without fibro or an autoimmune disease read these and get an idea about the truth of our condition and how we live day to day. As fibro folks wouldn't you just love to have a hug that isn't painful? Hugs encompass several of our trigger points. I fly to Virginia Thursday. Going to help my daughter-in-law with the grandbabies for a while. My help is mostly the loving the girls kind. One thing I hate about flying is that I have to use a wheelchair going from gate to gate. I hate it because I'm out of control, because I know others look at me and I look normal, and because I'm obese and I imagine others look at me and think that is the reason I'm in the wheelchair. I am fortunate to have a husband who is supportive. I have friends who have divorced or who live with nonsupportive spouses. Thanks to all for posting and sharing your stories and thoughts. wbc

Another by the way--Lyrica does help me, it has some side effects I dislike but the trade off is worth it. I have tried Gabapentin and it only helps some. I realized just how much Lyrica helps when I stopped taking it for a while because of the cost, even with insurance. And, FIBRO FOG!!! It is more than real and it is one of the most frustrating parts of having fibro. I do hate it. I'm an intelligent woman but I sound like an idiot when the fog is present. I can't even follow a script line on a television program. Winona

:redbeathe By the way, I recently read a research report that stated people with real and chronic pain lose the capability to become addicted to narcotics because their bodies need the relief. Can't remember where I read it. If anyone out there has heard of this I would love to hear more about it. I'm sure the skeptics would disagree 100 per cent but it does make some sense to me. What goes on in our bodies at the cellular level is nothing less than amazing.

I definitely understand your pain with fibro and with the lack of support. Interesting isn't it that many of the most judgmental are in our chosen profession? In 1997 I fell when I was trying to gather my students together for post conference. A knee surgery and years of pain finally led to a diagnosis of fibro, chronic fatigue, and other autoimmune disorders brought on from that simple fall and stress. Mine was diagnosed after lots of rule-out testing. I got lucky and had an excellent internist who believed in fibro, he referred me to an excellent pain management specialist, and another excellent psychiatrist. It took years to find the proper medication regimen for me. Now, I still live with pain. That fall led to the demise of my beloved nursing profession. I miss it every day. I realize I'll never be able to work as a nurse again. I do volunteer bereavement counseling. I wish I could wave a magic wand to force those who don't believe in fibro and let them understand the reality of the condition, the damage it does to ones life, and the pain their lack of compassion we receive. We are not drug seekers or attention whores. We are people with a very real disorder. I tell people about the pain scale. I then ask them what their pain level is and at what point would they feel they would have to stay home from work. Most say 5 or 6 as their stay home level. I then tell them that when my pain level is at a 5 or 6 I think I'm having a good day. So, to those of you with Fibro or other autoimmune disorders or pain conditions, hang in there. You are not alone. Winona :redbeathe

I'm new to this site and wonder what the guidelines are for this article contest. Winona, BSN, RN

Yep, CYA means what you think it means. Remember this--there is no such thing as a stupid question. If you have it that validates it. Never let anyone make you feel stupid. Nursing school requires lots of time and sacrifice so take care of yourself. Don't compare yourself to others. That is one of the worst mistake students make in my humble opinion.

:yeah:Amen! The Golden Rule works in every aspect of our lives.

Being polite, approachable, and kind to any student will turn out polite, approachable, and kind professionals one day. I say this as a former student and nursing instructor.

Excellent advice! Winona

I have posted another reply, but saw this and wanted to say that you sound better. Don't give up yet. Several people have suggested you give your job more time. Remember those first weeks are the most stressful because you're learning the routine, finding things including the bathroom and locker room, you're thrown in with others you don't know including some probably less than happy nurses, physicians, and administrators. Focus on those who are happy and enjoy where they are. Don't give up yet. But, if you do choose to get away from nursing it doesn't mean you have failed. You obviously made it through some tough training. You have more strength than you realize. Winona

Oh, my Dear, I am so sorry that nursing hasn't met your expectations in this first and most difficult year. Often our training doesn't prepare us for real life and that sudden dip in the real life pool is cold. I would ask if there was a particular clinical rotation and/or instructor you liked. If so, that may be your niche. I knew when I began my OB clinicals that it was where I was going to be. My confidence was nonexistent, but I got a job and learned each day. The thing that most gave me confidence was my first positive comments from patients, not physicians or other nurses. Did you receive an appropriate orientation? It seems that new nurses nowadays are put on the floor and off they go. Do you realize you can request more orientation with an experienced nurse if you aren't sure you're ready to go. Our profession is rewarding but can be dangerous. Be careful. Go to the charge nurse, nurse manager, or human resources to request this. Med-Surg nurses are special indeed. I didn't dislike it, but it wasn't my heart. It is true that med-surg is the best place to gain knowledge, self esteem, and contacts. Few new nurses want to work med-surg, most hospitals require it. That seems to be conflicting. I would say, however, that if you are feeling so bad about nursing it may not be the place for you. Would you consider 6 months in any unit, even med-surg, without extreme expectations? If so, try it. Go to work and pat yourself on the back each time you learn something new or improve your performance. You said you work nights. Could your problem be that you are one of those people that can't adjust to that shift. Your issue may be more about your body clock and rhythm than your dislike of nursing. Visit your physician to see if this may be one of your problems. What would you choose to do if you weren't a nurse? Would you want to continue with nursing if you could be on a unit you enjoy? Please find mentors you trust, like, and who like being mentors. Talk to them. You'll find that most of us have periods of low or non-existent self esteem. When I started I thought I surely didn't learn anything in those 4 years of college. One year out, I wrote my college of nursing thanking them for the good education I did receiver. I listened to my gut and realized I learned more than I imagined. I really wish you well. Please get back to us on this site. Let us know how you're doing.:redpinkhe Winona

I always carried my own malpractice liability. I saw some instances where nurses without their own insurance were thrown to the wolves by the hospital. Thank goodness I never had to use my insurance. Winona