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Discussion

Professional relationships

I need some advice on building healthy relationships and setting good boundaries with my co-workers. I have heard people say thier co-workers are like family. After all we have been through a lot together and spend the holidays together. Some nurses at work are very gossipy and have no problem with offering me advice and/or judgement on very personal issues. There have been a time or two where things have gotten completely inappropriate and I needed to politely say something. I care about my co-workers, but am not here to make friends. I want to make work pleasant and learn all I can, but have no desire to socialize with them after work or talk to them about more personal issues in my life. Gossiping takes away from our what our real focus at work should be; our patients. It is hard when you are new, because these other nurses are more experienced and I need thier help to become a better nurse. I am interested to hear other peoples thoughts and advice on this topic.

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My advice is to stay away from gossip and complaining. I learned a few hard lessons about all of that. Don't complain about co-workers to other co-workers and don't be an ear for your co-workers to complain to you about other people. The only time a complaint needs to be made is if there is a serious violation of some kind. Otherwise, it is best to mind your own business and focus on doing your job the best you can do.

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You can "socialize" a little at work without sacrificing your privacy. Talk about "light" things: don't reveal things you would rather keep to yourself. If they ask how your weekend went, say "fine" and tell them about the movie you saw, restaurant you went to, or whatever else is not going to be a big deal. Don't tell them about any problems you might have at home, etc. Return the question (and expression of interest/caring) by asking about their weekends, etc.

There is no need to go into deep personal stuff that you want to keep private. Learn to make "small talk" by sticking to light topics like movies, shopping, the weather, etc. Don't retreat form them completely because that will make you seem unfriendly and you don't want to make any enemies. Just keep control of what you say. Be friendly, but not too revealing.

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You can also show your concern for co-workers by offering to help when you can. This goes a long way to develop good working relationships. However, don't let anyone take advantage of your generosity. When the gossip starts to get thick in the breakroom or at the nurses station, try to find a reason to walk away to do something elsewhere. You can't be drawn into gossip if you aren't in the physical area where it is occurring.

Some of the nurses I've worked with for 5+ years are like family to me. We talk about all kinds of things: religion, politics, you name it! We are a very close-knit bunch. You just have to get a feel for the people.

Those that say, "I'm here to work not make friends." Horse-poo!! These are people you spend possibly more time with than your family.

I guess that is the difference in a 100 bed hospital and a 20 bed hospital.

I try to keep all my personal drama out of my work relationships. Of course you will have co workers who are friends but the ones you can trust are few and treat like them like gold. Otherwise be friendly but not too detailed about your private life.

It sounds like you already know what you want.

I have learned that it helps to learn names quickly and remember a couple of personal details. There is nothing wrong with knowing a little about a person.

I suspect that many people who complain of being the subject of gossip gave the gossips all the information they needed. There is a division between real friends and "work buddies".

Each workplace has its own culture about how much to share.

My husband is an engineer, and has worked with the same guys for 10+ years. If you quizzed him about how much he knows about the personal lives of the guys he works with, the answer is very little. I think very male workplaces are like that.

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