One Slick Dude!

I HAVE HAD AN INMATE WHO HAS BEEN A FREQUENT FLYER. HE IS THE BIGGEST CON I HAVE EVER MET. WHEN HE IS IN JAIL HE WILL TRY ANYTHING ON ANYBODY TO GET OUT. HE IS ON ALOT OF MEDS, BUT HE IS VA, AND THE BIGGEST FAKER IN THE WORLD. HE HAS GOTTEN HIMSELF OUT OF JAIL MANY TIMES IN THE PAST BY FAKING HEART ATTACKS AND SUCH. NOT WITH ME THOUGH. RCENTLY HE VIOLATED HIS PROBATION AND GOT HIMSELF PUT IN THE VA TO AVOID INCARCERATION. WHEN OUR TRANSPORT OFFICER WENT TO GET THE INMATE, HE STARTS FAKING A HEART ATTACK AND THEY PUT HIM BACK TO BED AND START RUNNING A BATTERY OF TESTS. THE OFFICER WAITS FOR HOURS. FINALLY THE VA DOCTOR THINKS THE INMATE IS OK, SO THEY LET HIM WALK TO SOME AREA TO GET HIS MEDS TO TAKE WITH HIM. THE INMATE( STILL NOT UNDER ARREST YET) SAYS HE HAS TAKEN 1/2 A BOTTLE OF TRAZODONE ON FAINTS DEAD AWAY. THE DOCTORS AND NURSES CAN'T SEEM TO ROUSE HIM, THEY GIVE HIM A GOOD STERNAL NOOGIE AND HE DOESN'T EVEN FLINCH. THEY ARE CONVINCED HE NEEDS TO GO TO A MAJOR NON VA HOSPITAL IN THE AREA. SO THEY SEND HIM THERE. OUR OFFICER NEVER DID GET TO ARREST THIS GUY. THE HOSPITAL HE WENT TO DECIDED TO KEEP HIM ON A SUICIDE WATCH, EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS NO TRACE OF OVERDOSE IN HIS BLOOD WORK. HOW CAN SOMEONE TRAIN THEMSELVES TO LAY FLACID DURING PAINFUL STIMULI? OH, I GUESS HE DID SHOW SOME ODD REFLEXES WHEN THEY DECIDED TO CATH HIM WHILE HE WAS SUPPOSEDLY UNRESPONSIVE. SHEESE!:chuckle

He was one of those big "workout guys" that was always being brought up "unresponsive" on a stretcher. No medical history. About the 3rd time I had the officers take him into an examining room. I very gingerly, and VERY carefully stuck the smelling salts and stuck it under his nose, then I ran like mad out the door. He just about tore the whole room and it's furnishings before the guards got him under control.

OH MY GOD, THAT'S WAY TOO FUNNY. GOOD FOR YOU!

:rotfl:

He was one of those big "workout guys" that was always being brought up "unresponsive" on a stretcher. No medical history. About the 3rd time I had the officers take him into an examining room. I very gingerly, and VERY carefully stuck the smelling salts and stuck it under his nose, then I ran like mad out the door. He just about tore the whole room and it's furnishings before the guards got him under control.

Oh yes, the "smelling salts" work every time. You have to hold it there long enough though. The really saavy fakers know to hold their breath and breathe through the mouth. I had one, "seizure" who actually knocked the ammonia ampule out of my hand. Then said,"I'm not having a seizure, Bi***!" I documented every word, too.

Every "medical" problem at our facility is a "seizure". We are called so many times for "seizures" that are nothing but a bid for a lower bunk or time off from work. How many "seizures" are you called to respond to that are actually seizures? I think the deputies think that any tremor or twitch constitutes a seizure.

The best one was a frequent flyer that was having a" seizure" and when we responded, I asked the pt., "Are you having a seizure?" She stopped convulsing, looked me dead in the eye, and said,"Yes, I have emotional seizures.." and I replied, "I understand that that is a very unusual condition" We rushed her to the infirmary and with a liter of gatorade and no TV she was miracuously cured!!

The challange is in maintaining your objective data gathering. For every 10 fakes, there is that one acute abdomen, or a real MI, you can't be too careful...

CYA!!! That is the correctionalnurses creed! :rotfl:

Oh yes, the "smelling salts" work every time. You have to hold it there long enough though. The really saavy fakers know to hold their breath and breathe through the mouth. I had one, "seizure" who actually knocked the ammonia ampule out of my hand. Then said,"I'm not having a seizure, Bi***!" I documented every word, too.

Every "medical" problem at our facility is a "seizure". We are called so many times for "seizures" that are nothing but a bid for a lower bunk or time off from work. How many "seizures" are you called to respond to that are actually seizures? I think the deputies think that any tremor or twitch constitutes a seizure.

The best one was a frequent flyer that was having a" seizure" and when we responded, I asked the pt., "Are you having a seizure?" She stopped convulsing, looked me dead in the eye, and said,"Yes, I have emotional seizures.." and I replied, "I understand that that is a very unusual condition" We rushed her to the infirmary and with a liter of gatorade and no TV she was miracuously cured!!

The challange is in maintaining your objective data gathering. For every 10 fakes, there is that one acute abdomen, or a real MI, you can't be too careful...

CYA!!! That is the correctionalnurses creed! :rotfl:

That is so funny. Isn't it odd that so many try the same things, seizures, chest pain in body builders, etc? You are so right about CYA. In an environment where you have to take much with a grain of salt, your assessment skills have to be very sharp.

Didn't know about the holding the breath thing though with the smelling salts. Thanks for that bit of wisdom.

Oh yes, the "smelling salts" work every time. You have to hold it there long enough though. The really saavy fakers know to hold their breath and breathe through the mouth. I had one, "seizure" who actually knocked the ammonia ampule out of my hand. Then said,"I'm not having a seizure, Bi***!" I documented every word, too.

Every "medical" problem at our facility is a "seizure". We are called so many times for "seizures" that are nothing but a bid for a lower bunk or time off from work. How many "seizures" are you called to respond to that are actually seizures? I think the deputies think that any tremor or twitch constitutes a seizure.

The best one was a frequent flyer that was having a" seizure" and when we responded, I asked the pt., "Are you having a seizure?" She stopped convulsing, looked me dead in the eye, and said,"Yes, I have emotional seizures.." and I replied, "I understand that that is a very unusual condition" We rushed her to the infirmary and with a liter of gatorade and no TV she was miracuously cured!!

The challange is in maintaining your objective data gathering. For every 10 fakes, there is that one acute abdomen, or a real MI, you can't be too careful...

CYA!!! That is the correctionalnurses creed! :rotfl:

That's so funny! Yeah, we had a weekender (sentenced to serve only weekends), he was a known drug seeker at all the local ERs, so he decided he was going to have "seizures" every weekend...gave him the sternal rub, he just laid there through it...really a GOOD actor!! Anyway, the Sgt. finally told him not to come back the next weekend if he did not go to his family doc and get on some kind of med. He reports the next weekend, I ask him if he's been to the doctor. He said he had and that they told him there was no medication for the kind of seizures he had. I asked him what kind they were. With all seriousness he says "They told me they were pseudo-seizures." I nearly burst out laughing in his face. I informed him that pseudo meant FAKE!! I said so you really are NOT having seizures. And amazingly enough he had NO seizure activity that weekend!!! Or my other favorite is when the tower officer calls medical and says Inmate So and So says he's having a seizure! I have said SO MANY times if Inmate SO and So SAYS he is having a seizure he is not HAVING a siezure!!!

HEY, THEY FINALLY CAUGHT THAT SLICK DUDE. HE CAME WITH JUST A FEW MEDS FROM VA AND AN UPDATED MED LIST, SO HE COULD'NT DO HIS USUAL MED TRICKS, LIKE EATING 20 NITROS A DAY FAKING CP. VA D/C'D THEM. LOL! SO, HE TRIES THE OLD... " THIS IS NOT BEING ADMINISTERED THE WAY THEY WERE WRITTEN, SO I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THEM AT ALL" BIT. HE EVEN SIGNED A REFUSAL OF MEDICAL TREATMENT FORM FOR ME. BUT HE MAKES AN ADDITIONAL NOTE ABOVE HIS SIGNITURE, " BECAUSE I CAN'T GET THEM WHEN I NEED THEM". TOO STINKEN BAD! HE WENT TO COURT FOR SENTENCING TODAY, HE GOT 2 YEARS IN THE BIG HOUSE. WHAT A DUMB ASS. IF HE WAS AS SMART AS HE MAKES OUT, HE WOULD HAVE DONE THE OLD FAKE JOB IN THE COURT ROOM, HE COULD HAVE WENT RIGHT FROM COURT TO THE ER AND EXACTLY WHERE HE WANTED TO BE, AND THE COPS WOULD HAVE BEEN CHASING HIM AGAIN. ALWAYS A GOOD LAUGH! :rotfl:

Oh yes, the "smelling salts" work every time. You have to hold it there long enough though. The really saavy fakers know to hold their breath and breathe through the mouth. I had one, "seizure" who actually knocked the ammonia ampule out of my hand. Then said,"I'm not having a seizure, Bi***!" I documented every word, too.

Every "medical" problem at our facility is a "seizure". We are called so many times for "seizures" that are nothing but a bid for a lower bunk or time off from work. How many "seizures" are you called to respond to that are actually seizures? I think the deputies think that any tremor or twitch constitutes a seizure.

The best one was a frequent flyer that was having a" seizure" and when we responded, I asked the pt., "Are you having a seizure?" She stopped convulsing, looked me dead in the eye, and said,"Yes, I have emotional seizures.." and I replied, "I understand that that is a very unusual condition" We rushed her to the infirmary and with a liter of gatorade and no TV she was miracuously cured!!

The challange is in maintaining your objective data gathering. For every 10 fakes, there is that one acute abdomen, or a real MI, you can't be too careful...

CYA!!! That is the correctionalnurses creed! :rotfl:

Thanks for that bit of information about holding their breath. These guys and so funny and so PREDICTABLE!

HEY, THEY FINALLY CAUGHT THAT SLICK DUDE. HE CAME WITH JUST A FEW MEDS FROM VA AND AN UPDATED MED LIST, SO HE COULD'NT DO HIS USUAL MED TRICKS, LIKE EATING 20 NITROS A DAY FAKING CP. VA D/C'D THEM. LOL! SO, HE TRIES THE OLD... " THIS IS NOT BEING ADMINISTERED THE WAY THEY WERE WRITTEN, SO I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THEM AT ALL" BIT. HE EVEN SIGNED A REFUSAL OF MEDICAL TREATMENT FORM FOR ME. BUT HE MAKES AN ADDITIONAL NOTE ABOVE HIS SIGNITURE, " BECAUSE I CAN'T GET THEM WHEN I NEED THEM". TOO STINKEN BAD! HE WENT TO COURT FOR SENTENCING TODAY, HE GOT 2 YEARS IN THE BIG HOUSE. WHAT A DUMB ASS. IF HE WAS AS SMART AS HE MAKES OUT, HE WOULD HAVE DONE THE OLD FAKE JOB IN THE COURT ROOM, HE COULD HAVE WENT RIGHT FROM COURT TO THE ER AND EXACTLY WHERE HE WANTED TO BE, AND THE COPS WOULD HAVE BEEN CHASING HIM AGAIN. ALWAYS A GOOD LAUGH! :rotfl:

If these guys weren't so funny, it sure would be a grim place to work. Comedy Central.

I'm lmao. I have a few of my own ways. A WHOLE BOX of ammonia ampules, broken and held in a couple of 4x4's over the nose and mouth snuggly, usually brings em' around eventually, though some can hold their breath quite a while. Chest pain in 21y/o body builders get what we now call the ***** test(can't reveal the name cause it's mine). After doing a thorough assessement following our protocols,(during wich they appropriately wince a few times when I look directly at them, no other s/s of pain or God forbid cardiac decomp) I get to the part where I tell them, with great concern on my face, "O.K. this is really important. I need you to tell me when I press on your chest if it hurts more when I press in or when I let go" . You can smell the burning. Eyes are darting back and forth. :innerconf ("OMG, I didn't know she was gonna ask me that, I don't know which one to pick") Now there's evidence of REAL discomfort :rotfl: >>helps with a diagnosis of Costochondritis, IN or OUT.. hmmm. :rotfl:

The ones that really slay me though are the psychs. They've been playing that game since the first time they got in trouble when they were 11 and Momma found out she could get a check because her boy was "different". They laugh like crazy after the shrink walks away from their cell. :chuckle The rest of the night they're perfect. I say"you ain't crazy, you're just lazy" and they laugh :yeahthat: , "Prove it lady" they say. I swear I'm thinking about telling the next shift that the little green men and the voices came out of the inmates cell and spent the rest of the night torturing me.:chair:....Wonder if I can get a check too!!

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