Nervous about graduating
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I am a student set to graduate in May. The way my program is set up we of course had foundations, then peds/OB, now mental health and medsurg I, and in the spring Medsurg II. I have already had pharmacology and patho.
I also have been working the past 4 months as an intern on a Telemetry floor. The floor runs really well, is typically well staffed, and the staff have been really supportive and nice to me and offer to explain any question I have and let me watch lots of procedures, often seeking me out so I can watch.
But I keep having really nervous nagging feelings lately. I make good grades, have good reviews and recommendations from my clinical instructors and had one review with a clinical instructor who was very praising to the point I didn't think my head would fit leaving her office lol. I told her I feared because I made good grades I would be 'book smart' and not be good in clinical. She told me no way, that I was well rounded and that I should pursue my education to the fullest and consider an advanced practice degree or teaching... which is WAYYYYYY putting the cart ahead of the horse lol.
Ok so here is where my worry comes in: I feel like I STILL have no clue! lol I don't really feel like I'm retaining things. I don't know if it's just because I'm learning gradually that I don't FEEL like I've learned anything lol. And I don't really see that other students know more than I do. But it's just I don't feel that I will be ready to take on all that responsibility as a RN. I keep hearing really scary stories.
I heard two different stories of heparin errors..one at the hospital where I work and one where I do clinicals...where patients died. Then I read the heparin error in that NICU that was in the news. Well needless to say I'm going to be SUPER cautious giving heparin! But anyway... stories like these really scare me. Even though I've had pharm I still can't remember the names of most of the medicines, much less all those side effects to watch for. And what is compatible/not compatible. I guess I feel like I should already be a walking PDR or something! lol
And then there is all that paperwork! And judgement calls. Knowing what exactly is independant nursing actions. Granted I still have plenty of careplans to write to help me figure these things out lol.
Is this normal to feel this way? Of course I'm ECSTATIC I graduate in just 7.5 more months...but on the other hand I'm TERRIFIED I graduate in just 7.5 more months! lol
I am adamant that I will only work in a very supportive environment when I graduate, which as I've said so far the floor I'm on seems to be. Many of my fellow students are interning at another hospital that pays more, but has a VERY bad rep for poor staffing, even sometimes going into the double digits. On the telemetry floor where I work the staffing ratio is 5:1 days and 6:1 nights with a CNA for every 15-20 pts. And they have a long orientation too with a dedicated nurse educator. So I feel like it's the right track...but I can't shake this fear of being responsible for harming another person by not being knowledgable enough.
Will I ever feel confident?