2 month of orientation and terrified

[RNGrace]

I am in my second month of orientation and am starting to question my choice in starting out at a rural hospital. When I took the job I knew that I would be doing ER and OB, but not from the start. I wasn't expecting this right out of school and wanted first to get my feet wet in med/surg. The main focus of my orientation has been in the ER and OB. I feel out of place and scared most of the time. The other nurses at the hospital inform me that they like to throw people into these experiences, but I am not comfortable with that. I have little training in either area and one of the classes that I was suppose to be taking, they were unable to get me into because they waited until the last minute to register me. I try to read up on everything I can, but with such a broad area to cover I am beside myself. I still miss a lot of IV's. We only have 3 RNs on at night and my biggest fear is that I will finish orientation and be alone and something will go wrong and there will be noone to help me. I am having trouble sleeping at night. My anxiety is through the roof. To make matters worse the hospital is understaffed and morale is bad. I have expressed my concerns to my preceptor and boss, but they say it is normal and that I am doing great. But, I can't leave work at work. I am full of shame and self doubt and feel like quiting all the time. I don't even enjoy my days off because all I can think about is what if? Sometimes, I think I should be at a bigger hospital where I could get in a routine. Sometimes I think maybe I am not tough enough for nursing. Most of the time I just want to hide in a closet and cry. What should I do?

[peaceful]

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult experience. You deserve support and adequate orientation. If at all possible, surrender all thoughts of work when you get home from work, let it go. Go get help for anxiety through meditation, yoga, or even medication if needed. Get professional help to discuss if this job is right for you or is your own insecurities getting in the way. If you stick with it, it will get better, probably somewhat easier in a few months. I have been terrified myself at times so can totally relate. Just do not sell yourself short. You can do this.

[USA987, MSN, RN, NP]

Hi there!!! Some insecurity is very normal. It took me a good 6 months before that sick feeling prior to starting my shift went away. What bothers me most about you is the fact that you are not even able to enjoy your days off.

You didn't mention how long your total orientation would be. For you to become proficient in ER and OB they better be giving you a LONG, LONG orientation.

I agree that you may be better off in a larger hospital...at least there you usually are only required to focus in on one specialty. I don't think it's that your not "tough enough for nursing". Your environment itself may be setting you up for failure. Maybe ER & OB is not where you belong.

Hang in there. Be proactive regarding protecting your license. You'll be in my thoughts.