Lost my first pt as an RN...

[Adam D. RN2005]

Yesterday I coded my first pt. I had recieved report around 4 in the afternoon after doing wound care on various pts during the first half of my shift.

My 98 YO pt was there very long time, since June I have been told. The pt really did not belong there anymore. They should have been d/c to a sub-acute facility long ago, but the family resisted everytime.

The pt was full code until a few weeks ago, then DNR DNI. But was a chemical code. Well, yesterday their condition started to deteriorate. When I took the pt at 1600, they were satting at 50%. I held all peg meds, and gave a dose of iv solumedrol at 1800. At 1925 tele called up to say the pt's heart stop, we call the code and go into the room. We knew the pt was dead, but had to push the pressors into them. She didn't die alone.

It was the most rediculous feeling in the world. We were laughing about it, because we all knew the the pt was dieing. But it just felt strange. After I filled out the paper work and reported off, I swiped out.

This is not the first pt I have lost. My first was as as a student, and I took that one very hard. And as a tech I saw several including one that was my age which freaked me out.

I'll be honest, I have mixed emotions. As much as I did not like dealing with that family, and my feelings that the family was thinking of their own selffish needs by keeping them in the hospital. The family, I just learned to avoid, if they called, I said I was unavailable. (They would keep you on the phone for 15 30 minutes.)

I feel bad for the family, they lost a loved one. I know this is the first of many that I will see as an RN. What was also strange was everyone was asking if I was alright. I am alright. Even one of the pt's who was at the desk sho saw me run in asked. They were not sure. I'm alright. I know that death comes with the territory.

Adam, RN

[RENAISSANCE RN]

Adam,

Dont ever forget that you are human.

Terri

[suebird3]

adam.....sorry you had this happen to you. i cannot begin to count the patients i have lost over the past 18 years; the full codes and no codes alike. each one hits me as if it were the first. (((((hug)))))

suebird

[christvs, DNP, RN, NP]

Hi Adam. I lost my first patient as a new RN yesterday. She was an 88 year old pt I had 3 shifts in a row & we had her on a morphine drip for comfort & I increased it (as ordered) & she died at the end of my shift yesterday. it was very sad. I had a dream about her too-in my dream she was still alive.

-Christine