Looking for some feedback on my FNP personal statement:

Hi all! I am applying to a few programs for fall 2013; most of them have an April or May 1 deadline. I am worried about my personal statement, and I want to make sure it comes across the best it can. Any feedback would be great!

Thank you!

Riding in an ambulance through the twists and turns of Grenada's rain-forest roadway is an experience I will never forget. I had been volunteering for about a month at a rural hospital in Grenada, West Indies, when a call was received regarding a woman in kidney failure that needed transport to the hospital. Since most of the employed nurses were tied up with other duties, I was sent along with the ambulance driver to pick up this patient. When we walked into the house I and noticed the older woman who was in obvious distress. I addressed her by her first name, and asked her how she was feeling. She looked up at me, but didn't reply. I asked again, and still, no answer. When the ambulance driver walked in, specifically addressing her as Mrs., she responded openly to his questions. I had been so caught up in assessing this patient for the first time, that I didn't think about the fact that I was in Grenada, and it was culturally imperative to address an older adult in a formal manner. I was immediately embarrassed and tried to correct myself. From that point on, I addressed her as Mrs. and was sure to remember the customs of respect I had been taught. Throughout the rest of the ambulance ride, I tried to build a rapport with her; comforting her as she squeezed my hand all the way back to the hospital. Although I have worked with many cultures at home in the United States, I was not used working with another culture outside of my home country. This experience gave me a whole new perspective on what it means to give culturally competent care. Having lived in a country entirely different from my own has changed the way I view my life, and my career. While I consider myself to be an empathetic person, it wasn't until I experienced "being an outsider" first hand that I could truly commiserate with those who immigrate to the U.S. As our nation continues to grow in diversity, we must continue to educate ourselves as health care providers. I would not have been able to truly care for this woman had I not known the cultural expectations.

This experience not only changed how I care for other cultures, but it also opened my eyes to the vast discrepancies that exist in health care around the world, and within our own country. While working with long-term mental health residents at my full time job in the U.S., I saw the difference that education and access to preventative care could make on a persons health and overall well being. I cared for a wide variety of patients, but many had been homeless or lived without health insurance and proper medication for their illness. Not only does this impact the patient's life, but it does not benefit our society and health care system as a whole. My experience working with mental health patients, volunteering in Grenada, and taking a public health nursing class in Nicaragua, has reinforced my desire to become a family nurse practitioner. After completion of Drexel's Family Nurse Practitioner program, I hope to work in a setting that continues to allow me to work with many different patient populations with varying medical issues. I hope to use my education directly with my patients, but also by being involved with how we administer primary care and how our public health care system works.

I am further attracted to this profession because it allows me to study medicine and the human body in great depth, while still allotting sufficient time to spend at the bedside with my patients. While I am very interested in mental health and geriatric patients, I am attracted to the FNP program because it will allow me to pursue a broader area of medicine and nursing. My educational goals are to eventually obtain my doctorate degree, and to continue to learn about mental health and public health.

Persistence is a characteristic that has carried me far in my life. When my father lost his job while I was in high school and we had to foreclose on the house, I feared I would never be able to go to college. However, seeing everyone around me go off to school, I was determined to overcome the life that was set up for me, and pursue my career goals. With minimal support from my family, I worked full time while attending nursing school full time. The years I spent working my way through school were the hardest years of my life; balancing work, school, and life at barely twenty years old was incredibly taxing; yet I would not give that up for an easier route. I learned that when I am dedicated and persistent, I could accomplish my goals. I grew profoundly in confidence, assertiveness and my ability to communicate with others. As a registered nurse, these attributes have transpired well into my professional life. Most importantly it is the way I have grown in my communication skills and ability to work with others to provide quality care I am most proud of. These are all characteristics that will influence my excellence in completing Drexel's family nurse practitioner program.

My life experiences combined with my passion for medicine and current work experience as a registered nurse has further compelled me to becoming a family nurse practitioner, and I believe, has prepared me for the rigorous training and demanding work it entails. My persistent and determined attitude will continue to supplement me in this next stage of my education, and career.