It's official I FAILED
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To my dismay the mail man comes to my door tonight and handed me this BIG WHITE ENVELOPE. When I saw it I just knew what it was and immediatley started to feel the tears brewing in my eyes. I was starting to feel better and even kind of enjoying being in a sort of denial of not knowing if I failed or passed. I was starting to really get into my new job at the NICU and I even caught myself calling myself a nurse (which I had been afraid to say because I still had not known if I passed my exam or not). I have so many emotions going through me. I feel stupid, incompetent to be a nurse, insecure etc.....
My poor husband is trying to console me and keeps telling me everything will be okay and I am sure it might be but right now it does not feel this way at all.
I really liked my new job and now am worried they won't hold it for me. I am SCARED of retaking the NCLEX and fail it again. I just don't even know where to begin again. I don't know if I should retake kaplan or go do some other course or should I study on my own? I have to wait 90 days before I can retake the exam in California and now am thinking if I might forget everything about being a nurse by the time I am able to work as a RN.
Sorry I am probally being VERY silly but this just feels awful and is a huge blow to my self-esteem and confidence.