I hate this #$(*!!!

Hi everyone,

I've been a nurse for just over 4 years now. I've hated about 90% of it. I'm miserable, I'm always tired, always grouchy, never have time or energy or desire to see my friends, initially gained 30lbs (lost about 15), never had acne....now a ton of it, lost a lot of friends since I've become a nurse, fights with my boyfriend, messy apartment, the list goes on!

I've tried all sorts of jobs...hospital, clinic, OR, home health. They all suck. I loved nursing school. I liked all the nursing theory and studying. But actual nursing....blech! I need to work right now for financial reasons. I make very good money right now, more so than other nurses with my experience. I'm trying to save up money to buy a house and travel. I'm hoping to quit my current job in about 2.5 years and travel Europe. But I'll be 30 then and I feel like I've totally wasted my 20s. I feel like I'm living a 50-year-old woman's life. I get so jealous driving by all the restaurants and clubs, seeing 20-somethings out having a good time, drinking, being out all night, with no care in the world. I tend to fall asleep on the couch at 7pm, wake up at 11pm, and toss and turn all night. I only get a good night's sleep (i.e., uninterrupted) when I'm on vacation. It's no fair.

I feel like my mom forced me into being a nurse. She was a nurse and felt it was a good job financially and thought that I should do it, too. I really had no say in my life up until now, my mom always controlled me and told me what to do. In college I had a big fight with her telling her I didn't want to do nursing, that I wanted to social work, but she said she was paying for nursing school and nothing else. She said once I'm done with school I can pay for my own education. She recently paid off my student loans so I have none now, so a fresh slate education-wise. But I have no idea if I want to go to for a MSW or what. I'll still have to deal with people and whatnot.

I enjoy my employer, my "job" (it's homecare so pretty flexible), my manager is wonderful, the pay, the majority of my coworkers, but the part about nursing that I don't like is the anxiety with all the acute medical status. I like helping people and counseling but not closely monitoring blood pressure and weights. Too much anxiety. I don't like medical stuff at all. I do enjoy wound care, but that's about the only "skill" I enjoy, yet I'm not very good at it anyways. My patients always question me, how long I've been a nurse, etc etc. I don't think I come across as not enjoying my job to patients I'm usually pretty cheerful and smiling, but perhaps my confidence/anxiety comes across......

So I'm at a loss....miserable frustrated with nursing, stuck/suffocated thanks to my mom, not sure what to do, need the money for future hopes, etc etc. I'm going for a run as soon as I finish typing this, it's awesome stress relief, but that's only worth 1 hour. What do I do the other 23 hours in a day?? I have some activities but just no desire to do them. I really don't want to go on psych meds....I've been on paxil, lexapro, celexa, and prozac and they make me numb and fat. I am meeting with a counselor, but she can't fix me overnight. I only see her every 2 weeks so I freak out on my off week. I don't know if I want to do other types of nursing (psych and public health most often come to mind) or just quit it totally?