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Discussion

HELP! Is it really worth it??

I'm having some serious cold feet.

Ive been accepted to a CRNA school starting this summer. But I can't help get this gut feeling that I shouldn't do this to go away.

For years I've been preparing for CRNA school... Excellent undergrads grades, all the prerequisites, 3 years in a level 1 trauma ICU, CCRN, applied to school... Got into school....

But it instead of being excited I'm filled with dread. I've had panic attacks about it, cried about it, stressed about it, for weeks!

honestly I'm terrified I won't be able to handle school. It's so intense. I know i'm smart enough but I'm not sure if I want it enough. I'm not sure I'm emotionally strong enough. I'm also absolutely terrified to increase my autonomy. I don't feel like I can handle holding someone's life in my hands like that. I feel like I'll crumble under the pressure.

Im so confused because the exact reasons I feel dread are the reasons I wanted to go to CRNA school in the first place. I'm a damn good ICU nurse and love the sickest of the sick patients, love titrating drips and really using my critical care skills. If I like it so much and thrive in the ICU won't I like CRNA?

I can't help but wonder if I'm just telling myself I have to do this because I've been planning my life around it for 8+ years. I don't want to pay all the money and put myself through hell just to end up dropping out. But I also don't want to just give up this dream I'm so desperately clinging too because I'm psyching myself out.

ive shadowed CRNAs and loved the experience. I feel like I know after school is over and after a few years on my own under my belt I will love the job. The problem is I'm not sure i can handle the emotional turmoil getting to that point. Is all the pain, sweat, and tears really worth it? If I'm having this much dread and terror months before school even starts am I just setting myself up for failure?

i feel like an embarrassment to the CRNA profession and I haven't even put one foot in the door... Help!

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    Don't you have the life of your patients in your hands every day as an ICU nurse? How many times have you been part of a code that saved someone's life or an emergency intubation?

    Yes school sucks, yes it is hard, yes it is stressful, but it is worth it. At the end of the day, would you regret not at least giving it a try? Worst comes to worst, you decide it isn't for you and you transfer into a critical care np program.

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    • Author

    yes and no (as an ICU nurse) I hold people's lives in my hands but at no where near the autonomy level of say an MD or CRNA. That's what's so terrifying....

    but you are right, I should probably at least try.

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    I'm only 1 semester in but so far I would say it's worth it! It is A LOT of work...more studying than I've done in my entire life. School is not fun. However, every CRNA I have worked with absolutely loves their job and thinks it is worth it in the long run. Don't be scared just dive in! You'll be ok. Everyone in your class is in the same position and you will survive together!

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    If you jump in and go for it, at least you honored your path. Maybe you will end up doing something else. Believe me, if you are not capable to handle the job, you won't make it though. I had one word for my training and that is "Brutal" I have also been a clinical instructor for 17 years, and most students do well, as you will be well educated and trained before you are on your own. Good Luck, and if in your gut it doesn't work for you, honor that! There are lots of good AP Nursing jobs that are satisfying. Some of the drawbacks of being a CRNA are ones that you are not even aware of right now, and won't be for years down the road.

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    • Author

    Thanks for the words of advice. What kind of drawbacks did you find years down the road?

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