Feeling conflicted

I have only been in the school nursing world for 6 months but about once a week I imagine going back to the hospital. I really love being active at work so I miss the rush of morning assessment and meds, close monitoring, rounding and answering call lights, cleaning patients, etc. I love helping others to pass meds and to read the MD notes to try to thoroughly learn about and understand each patient's case. I loved advocating for my patients during MD rounds. I even imagine working in the ED just to build my nursing knowledge/experience although I worked my 2 years of bedside nursing in medical/telemetry and never dreamed of ED nursing. Just because I think it would be a wild adventure in learning in which I could help others. I think about working in L&D after having my own child as I think that would be rewarding. Then my husband reminds me of the actual reality of working in the hospital (my second one, anyhow, which seems more characteristic of all hospitals) in which I felt the physicians were lax and did not care, management was blind to actual patient needs, all members of the patient care team were jaded and trying to accomplish the bare minimum, and I felt stretched too thin to actually give good care/teaching to any one patient and instead spent much of my time chasing down physicians, questioning unsafe patient placement, and hurrying up discharges. He reminds me of how awful I actually felt and how much happier I seem as a school nurse.

Do you think you are idealizing your former area of nursing? For me, if I really imagine going back to the bedside I can recall all the things that were awful about it. As a newer nurse I feel that bedside/hospital nursing is going to get a lot worse before it gets better and I am glad to be in a role where I actually feel supported and like I can make a real difference. It is still new enough to me that I can see my responsibilities and abilities growing to where I can help enrich the community. Do you feel overall that your role is meaningful and that you could look back happily after a career in it or do you think you would regret not returning to the OR?

For me, I am a newlywed and looking forward to starting a family so there's really no question that it would be best for me to keep this schedule. But if I didn't think I could be fulfilled in the role I would certainly look elsewhere.

Not sure my thinking aloud is helpful at all but I hope you land where you feel happiest. Let us know what you decide!

Could you pick up a couple casual days in the hospital each month? Working both jobs at the same time might give you a better idea of what you want to do. As for me, 20 years in the hospital was plenty. I enjoy the (usually) slower pace and the autonomy that comes with school nursing. It is not without its aggravation, but no job is.

I work prn in the summer at my local nursing home (I'm not a hospital nurse, but I imagine I could do it there as well). I only work the days I want so it still seems like I have my summers off, but I get enough of a taste of my "old life" that I am happy all school year with my decision to leave. I can pick up days during the school year too if I want, but I'm usually busy enough that I don't.

Your comment is a big help! I have often thought whether or not I may be idealizing it. I know there are a few things I'm not willing to return to such as taking call. I do get bored easily and find that often times I just need a change.

I could try being per diem but I have in the past and found it difficult to manage when I worked 5 days a week already. When you aren't there very Day I found it tougher to keep up with the constant changes of the OR. It's not like other depts . When you are there everyday you can do it in your sleep but it's very hard to dabble in it.