Essay Help

[DanaRNoneday]

I need to submit an essay of why I want to be a nurse in my nursing school application. There are no more details to it than that, it simply says "Why are you choosing nursing as a career?" It makes me a little nervous since there isn't much of a prompt. Does anyone have any advice? Obviously I have my own reasons for wanting to be a nurse, I was just looking for opinions of what points you think I should hit in my essay. Thanks!

This is what I wrote, any feedback is greatly appreciated.

When I started in the medical field I had very little human contact at work. My job was at a veterinary hospital, and even though I was fascinated by the medicine and the procedures I assisted in, I began to realize there was a problem. I missed people. That's when a little spark ignited in my head. I loved medical aspect of the job, but I needed more human interaction. Nursing, of course.

As I considered this further I began to realize how nurses already impacted me, and those I was close with. A woman who is like a second mother to me was diagnosed with a terrible cancer years ago, talked often about how it was the nurses that were her constant support system and were some of the most amazing people she has ever met.

The first time I was sedated for a simple procedure I was very nervous, and it was the nurse who gave me confidence that everything would be okay. It seemed as if for every situation, whether it be physical, mental, or emotional, there was a compassionate nurse for every situation.

I have always been a compassionate person, and I have always been the first person to offer help in any situation. To me, there is no more honorable and rewarding career path than being a nurse.

I am choosing a career as a nurse because I so passionately want to be able to successfully help another human being. I am choosing a career as a nurse because while I know it is my duty to help the sick, I also believe it is my duty to nurture the emotions of their loved ones. I am choosing a career as a nurse because I know it is a path I will excel in, enjoy, and be given the opportunity to make a positive difference in someone's life.

[Zyprexa_Ho]

"I immediately thought of nursing" instead of "Nursing, of course" (that is a sentence fragment).

"It seemed as if for every situation, whether it be physical, mental, or emotional, there was a compassionate nurse for every situation." Take out one of the "every situation"s. It's redundant.

[BBboy]

Id scrap the latter half of the essay, relay more personal experience into the essay. That's whatll set you apart from the typical "make a difference, nurture, essays". If you want I can send you the one I got in with, may help you generate ideas and get better at formatting your own essay (writing is my strong point)

[DanaRNoneday]

Thanks, both of you. I'm kind of at a loss so I really appreciate it. And yes, BBboy I would really appreciate it if you did.

[NP Sam]

-When you write this essay you want to be concise, clear, and authentic. They read many of these several times yearly so you want to stand out as best you can.

- I have always told prospective students that there FIRST sentence should grab my attention. I think you have an opportunity to make a creative first sentence with your veterinary experience.

-No need to say"woman who is like second mother to me." Not necessary, just say godmother or close family friend or something similar. In my opinion, all cancer is terrible, so just say "cancer."

Other general notes:

- I suggest getting rid of the "so passionately want to successfully.." Super wordy.

- They don't give you direction on purpose. With nursing essays, they get a snapshot on the applicant's intelligence, maturity, and current grasp on what the nursing profession actually entails.

Best of luck to you, make sure as you rewrite that you read essay out loud several times to yourself. Helped me a lot :)