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Discussion

Dealing with loss and grief

Hey fellow nursing colleagues. My father passed away on Saturday. It was a rapid decline as in a week and then he passed. In the end of his life my family chose to do home hospice. None of my other family members are in healthcare so I did most of the nursing related care (meds, bathroom, shower) etc. I was so fortunate to be able to care for my dad in that way in his last days. I'm going back to work in a few days and am struggling with it. I know death is hard to cope with already. I guess the thought of taking care of someone after all that just puts me in tears. I can't take more time off work due to me currently working on a contract and I need the income. Do I sound ridiculous? Does anyone have any suggestions or

coping mechanisms to help me get through my shifts? Has anyone else been through a similar circumstance? Thank you

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I took care of my mother when she was in home hospice, and it was an honor to do so but very, very emotionally draining. I too struggled with it especially when it came to returning to work. Even 3 years later, I still have days at work where I don't feel like I can cope with the loss of her and take care of my patients - that is perfectly normal and okay.

    The thing that worked for me in regards to being able to make it through the shift was to face it head on instead of trying to make it go away. What I mean is that the days I tried to go into work and pretend like I was fine, nothing happened, nothing was going to bother me were the days where a certain patient's diagnosis, or family member, or something completely triggered me and I struggled the most. On the other hand, I learned that having a realistic pep talk with myself before I walked into work was way more helpful. I honestly would tell myself outloud - "Okay JadedCPN, you are gonig to get through these 12 hours, and it's going to be hard, and you'll probably be reminded of mom, and you'll probably tear up, and you'll have to go to the bathroom to wipe away yours tears - and that's okay. The best thing you can do is give your best care"

    Don't get me wrong, the shift was still very hard to get through but it was much easier to acknowledge that giant pink elephant in the room rather than pretend it was not there. Everyone has their own coping mechanisms though and you'll eventually find yours. You'll also realize as time passes that you'll have good days and bad days, and you'll be able to recognize what triggers you or what brings on a bad day.

    Hugs to you.

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    I know exactly what you mean/are feeling. You are NOT ridiculous. You are grieving and off balance. Taking care of someone in the hospital that you aren't related to is far different than taking care of a parent or other loved one. It just is. What you went through and will continue to go through has permanently changed you and while employers and those around you are sympathetic to your situation, business/duty calls whether we are ready or not for most of us anyway. You may need to step away from working in a hospital for some time or re adjust where you work in the hospital if that is possible since you mentioned working a contract - but you will find your own way as others have posted, some days you will cope well, others, you won't. And time, really doesn't make much of a difference I've found other than honing in on the triggers. However you cope, the journey is unique to you and don't let anyone tell you how you feel is wrong or that it's been 6 months or a year so you should be "over it". Some things in life CAN'T be gotten over, sometimes there is NO closure, sometimes all a person can do is learn to carry the load they have been left with as best as they can. My sincere condolences on the loss of your father.

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