Backbiting at work! When is enough enough??

[sasha2lady]

*deep breath* here it is....a while back a nurse was hired prn who is really...out there...well..she has since made quite a few enemies and had conflicts with just about all the nurses on our shift except for me...til now. i suspect that she is bipolar or something...she has bragged from day one about unprofessional stuff..like her drug addict son, her smoking pot/doing xanax with him, her multiple sex partners & marital affairs to her watching tv in a residents room at night not to mention the constant belching/farting she does in front of visitors and whoever.....mind you shes a good suck up. well...we just got another new prn nurse whom we both went to school with ...and a coworker of mine told me tonight to "watch my back" because prn # 1 who i will call "bipolar" told the new one to watch out for me because i will get her in trouble and im in the don's ear all the time and that i think i know everything and that i think i run the shift and that it couldnt be done without me etc etc etc ".....well...this same nurse worked with me last night and was constantly asking me for help which i willingly gave her without question because thats how i am..i dont let my coworkers sink when in a crunch.....even though i was well behind in my own work. i am not in anybodys "ear" about anything and ive yet to get someone in trouble...aide or nurse. i basically stay to myself. i go in and do my work, go home...thats it. im not loud or obnoxious or disrespectful to anyone...instead of confronting her on this...which i have no doubt she made these false statements to the nurse......im going to let it go...but the very next time she asks me for help...i absolutely will not do it. i will let her sink. i just cant stand for someone to talk junk about me behind my back and then be all friendly to my face like that. it irritates the fire out of me! i am the charge nurse on my shift but i by no means "run" it..or anyone on it. im not mgmt...and as for the don...we have only a professional relationship. i think where this misconception has come into play is because since i am the charge nurse and i work the most shifts of anyone else on my shift and 3rd shift...so when she calls to check on things she asks for me because im there allllll the time....she counts on me to make sure things get done because as time has proven ..when im off things fall through because no one else stays on top of the paperwork etc etc....i always keep up with it. yet, this gives others like her the wrong idea. yet.....she plays online computer games with the don and calls her at home to give game instructions etc. i intend to talk to this new nurse to deter her from hopefully buying into anything that has been misconstrued about me or my work style or my relationships with my coworkers. my motto has always been that you dont have to like everyone you work with but you should make the effort to get along with them for the x amt of hours you have to be around them. and sure, there are alot of things about some of my coworkers that realllly bother me, but when im on the clock and have to be stuck with them i try to make the best of it so that my 8 12 or 16 hrs isnt pure miserable hell. up to this point i thought it was ok to be like that. i dont get it. im not bossy or anything towards my coworkers. however, i know that the aides on my shift cant stand this particular nurse...they absolutely cringe when they see that she is down to work. i feel so backstabbed by this. i know it shouldnt bother me as much as it is, but it does. even though im a bit hurt and alot offended by her false words against me, i know that im a good employee and a good nurse. im fair, im honest and im knowledgable about what im doing 90% of the time and when i question something i ask for assistance from a higher up or whoever is available to me, whether thats the md, don or whoever. i dont think her assumptions are fair nor correct. i also dont like the fact that she is putting a bad taste in this new nurses mouth about me. i am so not into drama and schemes and back biting. i keep my mouth shut unless something is absolutely necessary to be made known. i wonder how she would feel if i did put a bug in the don's ear that she prepulls all her meds? and brags about it in front of staff and families? or that she discusses her genital issues with everybody who has ears? or about how she calls the don all kinds of names behind her back but plays games with her? or about the fact that she has been fired from 3 other snf's for bad conduct such as cursing out the don's, complaints from staff and families etc... not a good outcome im sure. lucky for her, im not that kind of person. & stay out of other peoples personal lives. maybe i should just find another job and start fresh with people i dont know? id really hate to do that since we are about to switch to what ive been waiting for for 3 yrs...12 hr shifts. i dont know....ill figure something out.....this weekend...starting with getting my cell number changed so that i dont have to get another stupid text msg from this backstabber ever again...it might be time for me to put in a request for 2 or 3 days off. i just know that i dont have to be so disrespected without just cause. if i pointed out every single flaw or fault i find in a coworker i would be unbearable because i work with all kinds of personalities from true know it alls to those who work harder at getting out of work than actually working, to those that have slept on the job, came in hungover, but she is in a class of her own. i cant even fully describe what she is.

[caliotter3]

I only read about one third of the way into your long paragraph to determine that you are getting too caught up with the workplace back stage garbage. If you would just concentrate on your own work, while carefully watching your back, instead of listening to the others, you would have an easier time of it. The only person you can control is yourself. Let the others worry about their behavior.

[vanlo001]

Sasha2lady,

I feel for you. It is really awful to have the nurses you work with talk about you behind your back, especially when you make it a priority to put yourself out there and really care about the work that you are doing. However you are being to sensitive. I'm glad you got a chance to vent. However as a charge nurse it is up to you to learn how to work with all different types and bring out the best in each of them even the ones you don't like.

This person talking about you isn't talking about you because she has serious concerns about your work, and she doesn't talk about the DON for legitimate reasons either. She does this because she needs attention and because with the new RN starting she doesn't want you to get to her and tell her how bad she is. If she degrades you right off the bat then your opinion will not count. She does this out of her own insecurity. By reacting so emotionally you are showing your weakness. You are a professional rise above the backbiting. Don't be passive aggressive as she is and let her sink or refuse to help her. Go in and keep putting your heart and soul into your job. And, the reason she prepulls her meds, plays games online with the DON and watches TV with patients is because it's PERMITTED. As charge RN you set the tone for the unit. Some chRge nurses do everything because they want to be liked and want others to feel supported. However, this is often to their detriment. Ask her to put a chart together for a new admit, challenge her, find jobs for her. Address her genital talk and let her know it's not professional. Say something like, "Jane, you don't have to share everything!" or TMI, TMI (too much information) and walk away. Take an online class on how to deal with difficult people. As the other poster stated you can't change others- you can't change this woman- but you can change yourself, the way you react to her, and the way you interact with people like her in the future. Reflect on why this bothered you so much. Perhaps there is an area where you do feel insecure. Beat of luck to you.

[sasha2lady]

Good advice. It's been nice not having her there for the past 2 days. Mgmt came to me today because she failed to do her admission stuff a few days ago. I stood my ground and kindly told them that I wasn't going to do it for her and they could take it up with her instead of me. As I recall her words regarding that admit was " I'm not doing this f'ing admission" oh well. I will not let them twist it so that I have to do her work. Other nurses have informed mgmt that when we go to 12 s they will not work with her. They can't stand her mouth either. I will keep my distance from her at all times unless is a medical emergency. I'm wondering if she's not jealous about something . And you are absolutely right about. Her desire for attention. She is a showboater. She's stated many times that she could " run the whole building by herself" . I say have at it. I know it's stupid to dwell on it but knowing what she's said will make it very hard for me to look at her in a new light . I was always taught not to bite the hand that feeds you and she just bit mine off it feels like. I've removed the dagger from my back at this point but still ... I wish there was more professionalism. Oh ps I'm an lpn

[vanlo001]

Well best of luck to you. I'm sorry that there are toxic personalities at your work place. BTW, what's the DON doing giving out her phone number and playing computer games with while she's at work? ((hugs)) and I'm sorry if u came across harsh.

[agldragonRN]

oh my! you are still talking about this prn coworker of yours? i did not read the whole post due to one long paragraph (not good for the eyes) but quickly realized this is the same person you talk/complain/critique about in most of your post.

it is okay to vent here in this board but come on you are practically "stalking" her watching every single move she does and you make it your business to know every dirty laundry about her life such as the addiction, the husband who killed himself, the prn narcotic she supposedly "stole", sleeping on pt bed, leaving the shift without counting the narc or counting it with the cnas (i forgot which one) and as i remember "the anonymous note" you leave under the don's (who's daughter is also an addict) door to let her know about this addicted prn nurse.

sorry if i sounded harsh but i am just trying to figure out why is she consuming so much of your energy?

i highly suggest listening to caliotter's great advice.

[sasha2lady]

nope....this one is different. completely different. the other one has greatly improved thankfully. the sleeper hasnt been sleeping anymore, hasnt come in acting weird....matter of fact shes been doing the best shes ever done since she started..and she has issues with this other nurse. they had a huge blow out a few months ago for basically the same thing....backbiting as well as another nurse. so, one by one we are getting trash talked about to the new hire and who knows who else, so far im the only one out of the 3 of us that hasnt had the actual exhanging of words.....Im choosing to ignore her and hope she quits...sooner rather than later.