Ashamed of Disability

Published

Hi,

Let me just begin by saying that I am a qualified nurse but what is stopping me from continuing in my field is that I am deathly afraid of the reaction I might get from employers who discover in which I am supposed to reveal that I am in the DMU because of having bipolar I disorder. This is what it says on my Consent decree that I am supposed to share with employers during an interview. Now I am aware of the stigma that surrounds mental illness and I do not know how to handle the rejection I might encounter with revealing this...This is stopping me from moving forward. I have been cleared to work and have not had any problems with my disorder in a long time. I am not sure how or what to say to an employer when I must hand over a copy of the consent decree in an interview which states this...I feel very uncomfortable and feel very vulnerable in explaining that I have been hospitalized in the past because of this. It is an obstacle for me. I feel like if someone knew that about me they would automatically pass me off and think I was automatically trouble, not wanting to work with or just plain crazy or any other of the misconceptions that are out there.

I just finished a 80 hour clinical in a hospital (they were aware that I had a mental health dx, on probation and in the DMU and accepted me) for an RN refresher course in which I realized that hospital acute care was not for me because of the fast pace. I originally had hopes of working there and I loved the interaction with the patients but the 6:1 ratio was a lot for me to handle with the complexity of the cases that was encountered and working 12 hour shifts made me physically exhausted. I have questioned whether nursing is for me or not because of the fact that I have to explain this DMU thing to employers. I have thought about Psychiatric Nursing but because I was in the hospital before I don't want that reminder about my past on a daily basis on how I was treated in those places. I am not sure about LTC because of the 2:30 ratio of some homes and the depressing atmosphere. I thought about Research Nursing which appealed to me. I considered going for my CRA but again the loans. I thought about being a Nurse Educator but going for more loans and not having solid clinical experience stops me.

One of my problems is that I do not have a solid year of Med Surg clinical experience but I find that is just too stressful for me. I graduated with my BSN in 2010 and had some experience with the Red Cross giving care over the phone and about a year of working with Cigna doing biometric screenings before my license was put on probation for five years. I have thought of doing something else until the probation is up but then who would hire a nurse in five years who has not been doing nursing? And I have searched high and low of what to do with a BSN degree but couldn't find a lot of alternatives. I do not have the 1 year of MedSurg experience to go into most areas and I find that I am limited. Is this true?

Does anyone know how to present this DMU situation to an employer in an interview? I feel like I am stopping myself because of this problem with the DMU but is it as huge a deficit as I am thinking? Most people in the DMU have drug and alcohol problems which is not my case. I have the desire, skills and know how to be a nurse, graduated, excelled, etc, went back to learn it all over again but don't know where to go from here with my options, the DMU, my own inhibitions about it, how difficult it may be to walk into an interview with a consent decree explaining your dx exposing yourself in in which I am ashamed that I was even in the hospital in the first place. And how would you as an employer react with someone who presents with this? I feel like this is stopping me from moving forward.

Any suggestions on how to handle this, how to get over the fear and move on?

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Specializes in nursing education.

Have you considered looking for work in a primary care setting? The pay is lower than inpatient settings, but in many ways the work is less stressful, at least in my experience. Our clinic has an "underserved" population and mental health issues from depression to substance abuse to schizophrenia are prevalent. If you take your own experience and use it to understand and serve others, this can only be an asset. If you are able to serve as a mental health advocate, that is just such a bonus.

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

I had a nice long post written and my iPhone decided to take a nap, so I'll get back to you later when I'm off work. Meanwhile, here's some (((HUGS))) for you from a fellow BP 1. =)

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Wow Viva, just looking at all your posts(the number) I am impressed...If you can remember what you wrote I would love to see it...

And Hey_Suz...what were you thinking of in a Primary setting? The first thing I think of is a Dr' office..Is that what you were thinking or something else..I do have a lot of "lived experience" in mental health but because that has been somewhat traumatic for me I am not sure if that is what I would want...Some things you want to forget even though I am sure it would be valuable......LMK...

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Specializes in nursing education.

And Hey_Suz...what were you thinking of in a Primary setting? The first thing I think of is a Dr' office..Is that what you were thinking or something else..

Hi again, yes I was thinking of a clinic setting. I work in family medicine, also known as family practice. So it's "cradle to grave" care and we do everything from well visits, chronic condition visits (diabetes! yay!) and urgent care for all kinds of things. Never boring. Lots of telephone time. We don't see much acute psych at all but lots of it as a background comorbidity.

I guess what I was trying to get at is that you could reframe your diagnosis as something positive.

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Wow Viva, just looking at all your posts(the number) I am impressed...If you can remember what you wrote I would love to see it...

Here's what I can piece together out of that long post that disappeared into cyberspace. :whistling:

Basically what I said was, I had to retire from active nursing because I could no longer handle it physically or mentally. However, I'm using my years of experience as a springboard into a second career as a long-term care surveyor, and with proper medication and sleep hygiene, I've been able to turn the corner. Fortunately, I have never had to deal with being in a monitoring program because of my bipolar, but from what I understand, it's not impossible to find work.

You said you don't really want to work LTC, but you might want to consider SNF nursing (rehab), because it's a LOT like Med/Surg and will keep your skills current. The pace is fast but not at the same level as M/S, and patients usually do get better and go home. Nursing homes are also generally more relaxed in their hiring practices than some other institutions, and will often take a chance on a nurse with a "past". My last facility knew all about my BP, and they made sure not to push me too hard when I wasn't doing well.

You could go part-time or PRN to start as a way to try out the position and see if you can live with it. If you're lucky, you'll find a nice, supportive environment; if not, well, at least you've gotten some more experience under your belt.

I don't know if you have restrictions regarding narcotics---seems so silly when the problem is NOT addiction. I'm sorry you have to talk about this at your interviews, but you do need to emphasize that your problem isn't chemical, it's psychological, and that it's under good control with meds and therapy.

Wishing you the very best of luck. Please keep us posted as to how you're doing.

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Hey Viva,

Interesting that you say that...My restrictions do say No Narcotics but my case manager said that she would see about getting that lifted since I have NEVER had a hx of this problem...Unfortunately they want to include you in with all the pardon my use of a less appropriate word "druggies"...(no offense to those who have this issue)...And even the case that I have to check for random ua's doesn't make a whole lot of sense either and I am either relieved every morning or go through an angry tirade if I am called hemming and hawing as to how I am going to fit a trip to the local urgent care center and how much water to drink so I can parade myself in front of another nurse in an observed drug screen. I have not yet checked this morning but I know it is on my list of things to do today. Nothing like being a puppet of the state. But I remind myself that things could be worse. Anyway I do appreciate your 2 cents of a possible work situation. I will think about it. Fortunately my mortgage is paid this month so I have some wiggle room to explore a few things right now to see which avenue would be best. You know as well as I do we have to live one day at a time...battling what comes up...and dealing with our own fears, doubts and challenges and nonetheless dealing with everyone else's too at times. I do appreciate your kind words and support and I will continue to post as time warrants.

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Well I spoke too soon...On my way for monthly uds....Today is my lucky day....Imagine if I had to navigate a job right now with finding time to do this...open 9 to 6...and if you somehow forget you have to drive 1 hour away....or more...Give me strength All Nurses!!!

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

FWIW, I think it's utterly ridiculous that you have to do that at all. Why (I wonder for the 900th time) are these programs structured only for nurses with addictions? It's a crime to use/divert drugs. Smoking marijuana is a crime (well, in most states), DUI is a crime, stealing drugs is a crime, etc. It is NOT a crime to be bipolar!!

I'll be honest with you: I personally would give up my license before I'd submit to such humiliating treatment. You have not done anything wrong. I'm sorry they're making you pay for something that is NOT your fault, didn't ask for, didn't want, and would probably give almost anything not to have. :down:

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OMG Viva,

Don't even think for a minute I haven't thought of surrending my license because of this. They have branded me with a label because I take medication because I am susceptible to being moody, irritable and depressed at times and chose hospitalization to deal with it and because of that I am branded for life. Have I done anything wrong..No..What woman on this earth has never felt this way??? So now they have me in the category of the mentally ill which before I didn't think anything was wrong with taking medication but to be put on display and pretty much witch hunted because I do and have to go through this ridiculous three ring circus, not be able to drink for five years, have to deal with a doctor who says he's on my side but just parlaying to the board, a therapist who is just as nervous filling out 90 day reports and me left with a DMU consent decree which states I have been unfit to practice nursing which is just a bunch of nonsense that I now have to deal with!!! Two months after I received the decision from the board psychotrist spelt insultingly I got a reversal from another doctor who found me to be quite fit and competent which I am now bothering my case manager to send me that report so I have some leverage in an interview after they see that damaging report from a doctor who was overdosing on caffeine the day he wrote my report and left me in a hypoglycemic state after a five hour guerilla interrogation where the board showed no mercy. My lawyer screwed me over too by not insisting that he be there in the interview and cashed my 5K check without really helping me and suggesting I go through with the board order because he just couldn't see any other way. Is this the way people who choose medication need to be treated???!!! Even the nurses who drug divert get 2 year probation...and they complain all the way saying oh no one will hire me...Well I have news for them...get depressed go get treatment for it and you can find a ticket to where I am.. on the national registry...Is this how we need to treat nurses?!! My God next we will be putting nurses into these programs for taking aspirin for headaches or going to alternative practitioners..God Forbid...This is insane...I am not the one who is....

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

How are you doing today? ((((HUGS))))

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Hey Viva,

Thanks for asking....Feeling Better today than yesterday however its a little boring here, How about you?

I was going to post a you tube video for you to look at that I found very interesting...You can look it up for yourself...Joanne Moncrieff-The myth of the chemical cure...Global Humanities Conference supported it...I don't have the reference to it but I think you will find it eye-opening like I did..Let me know what you think once you have the time to watch..Its about an hour long or so...I think anyone who allows themselves to take these psyche meds should watch this...Talk to you soon- And thanks for asking how I was doing...I appreciate my friend...

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