What's Next

[nette1022]

I first began posting when I lost my job. Unbeknownst to me, I had PTSD, Depression and anxiety. I was assaulted when I intervened, and stopped my nephew from stabbing my brother. My brother was stabbed nine times, during my nephews schizophrenic break. The police and doctors told me I saved his life. In addition to what happened, it was on the news and the internet. I had people driving past my home to see where this had occurred. He was stabbed three hours after my mothers funeral. I lost four molars as a result of my intervention during this event. I didn't know I was on automatic pilot. I do remember feeling like I was having a heart attack a lot, and not sleeping because I was having nightmares. I have been off of work for four months and I am sleeping again, no more nightmares either. I have been looking for a job, and let me tell you I notice the difference between now and before. It is really like night and day. I have been a nurse for 20 years. I have never been written up, suspended or fired prior to my assault. I am going to work in factory because I can't find a nursing job. I have pretty much sort of given up. I will be finishing RN school in August, school has saved me in a lot of ways. It gives me something else to focus on, I am not in that rut anymore so it's a positive. I honestly don't know where to go from here, there isn't a lot of compassion when you tell people what happened and that you are in a place where it's better. I don't tell them the extended version, just this: I was assaulted, it affected my job performance I took time off to deal with it, and now I am ready to go back to work. Short version. I had to admit it, and work on it. I didn't keep working because I needed to address this issue. I would like to still be a nurse, but it seems as if no one understands. I feel so sad that on top of being hurt and losing teeth, losing my job, and the effect that this has had on my life, I am being penalized for something that someone did to me. What now people?

[cracklingkraken, ASN, RN]

First off, you are a very, very brave individual. Even though it was your brother being attacked, I think that everyone can agree that it was something that takes extreme courage. My sister also suffers from PTSD after coming back from Afghanistan and bipolar personality, and while I personally don't struggle with it, I know it is something that is difficult to overcome. Have you considered seeing a therapist or seeking counseling? It has been really helpful for my sister, and she is learning to cope with her disorders better. I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time, but you and your brother are extremely lucky. I'm sure you will find some position in nursing. Continue to be persistent, and don't let your fears and doubts hinder you. Surround yourself with good friends who can encourage you in the most difficult times - they will be very important and are crucial to your well-being.

[nette1022]

I have been going to counseling religiously. I am so hurt. I have been trying to try and deal with it. There isn't a whole lot of compassion. So thank-you for your kind words, this is so hard. We take care of others, but it's hard when it's one of our own. I just want a chance. My counselor keeps telling me to try but I am so discouraged, I just want to give up.

[cracklingkraken, ASN, RN]

From personal experience, although I have never gone through a situation like yours so I can't imagine what that's like, it's when you want to give up that you have to keep fighting. You will definitely be a better person for it, and I think your experience will make you an incredible nurse. You will know compassion for your patients who are going through situations that seem hopeless and will be able to relate and know some of those feelings. Don't give up! There will be opportunities for you and people who will be able to offer you the support and love that you need. You just have to look in the right places

[chevyv, BSN, RN]

I think by your post that giving up just isn't for you. Whether you can see it or not, you are a fighter. I have learned that just because we think that we are ready doesn't mean that the rest of the universe or God or whatever you might believe is in agreement. Keep asking for what you want and believe that it will come to you. It will. I know it sounds kooky but I do believe and good things really do come to good people. In your mind and in your heart believe it, feel it, ask for it, and be as ready as possible, it will come to you.

[nette1022]

Thanks guys, its hard. I appreciate the encouragement and kind words. I lived in fear for a long time, I was exhausted and I was working and going to school. I feel sad sometimes because I didn't choose this it chose me. I am going to get a job in the factory today. (I did that before I went to nursing school 20 years ago). I will try and get back in the game, but for right now I just don't know how.