Stressed

I'm a nurse on a SNU at a local hospital in my area. Two weeks ago while I was work I receieve a frantic phone call from my boyfriend telling me that he was having really bad chest pain.. He said at first he thought it was just his reflux acting up but after a Zantac that didnt work and increasing pain he knew it was something different.

Being that we live literally only 5 minutes from the two local hospitals in our area. I got permission to take my lunch break and go pick him up so that he could be seen in the ER. His friend came to the ER with him so that he wouldnt have to be alone because he insisted that I return to work. After getting him registered in the ER I stayed and a few minutes returned to my own floor to continue working. I was worried and afraid but he had episodes like this before that normally subsided on there own. Long story short upon CT Scan he was noted to have Triple A. For cases like his my hospital transfers pts. to the university hospital. A phone call my friend who was working in the ER that night alerted me to what had come up.. I left work immediately and went to the hospital he was being transferred too. His BP was sky hight running 200s/100s he was shaking and sweaty and writhing in pain. He was admitted to CCU where he was started on mutilple medications to try and get his BP under control. The aneurysm was not at 5cm yet at which to be operable. The managed his pain and BP for two days in the CCU getting it under control. He was transferred to a step down unit on the 3rd day.. I stayed with him overnight in the hospital that night. His BP was being contiunally monitored and it began to rise again and his pain begain to increase due to his PCA pump being dc'd. He had a wonderful nurse who literally gave him everything that she was able to try and make him comfortable and control his pressure.. When those things didnt work he was taken for another CT Scan. which showed that the size of the aneurysm and increased and he would need to emergency surgery.

Previous to this many Drs and gone over the possible outcomes of having the surgery done. All of which you all know are scary and for someone who had never been sick in their life never taken and kind of medicine other than for refluz my boyfriend was petrified.. I held his hand and stayed with him untill the asked me to leave so they could finish prepping him from surgery. His surgery took 4 hours the entire time I paced the floor and tried to keep myself from loosing my mind. When it was over his surgeon came to talk to me and told me that it had gone well and that I would be able to see him as soon as he got back to the CCU.

About 20 minutes after talking to the surgeon a nurse came to get me he had woken up and was scared because I wasnt there.. I have seen people come out of anesthesia before but it is something totally different to see someone who you love with your life go thru things that normally wouldnt make me think twice..

Two days later his lung collapsed and he had to have chest tube placed.. The Dr that came to tell us about his need of the chest tube was about the most insincere physcian I have dealt with.. She literally said to me you must not want him to get better bc to me it sounds like you are trying to talk him out of having a procedure will save his life. I tried to keep my calm I deal w physicians on a regular basis and know that this is just par for the course for some of them. But what I really wanted to say was Im not some medically naive person that you are speaking too. Secondly I have never even seen you before who are you to say something like that too me. You have not been the one sitting here day and night.. Feeding him, bathing him making him comfortable when your hospital staff his no where to be found.

After all of the previous 8 days later he was released from the hospital. He continues to have sever pain in his legs from an unknown cause. He goes for a EMG on Wed, and then also a neuroology appt in a few weeks. He is in constant fear that he is going to die now even tho I reassure him constantly that he is getting better but it will be a slow process but things will work.. He was also said to have Marfan Syndrom while in the hospital.

I am trying really hard I am stressed beyond my limit.. I go to work for 8 hours and then do it all over again.. I have frequent nightmares where I dream about everything that he went thru. I see arterial lines, heart monitors, foleys, miles and miles of IV tubing in them. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I hear the alarm that sounded when his BP went beyone certain paramters. I was off of work the entire that he was hospitailized. The sight of a pink hospital blanket on my first day back litterally almost made physically ill. My hands are shaky and my mind foggy.. I feel like I cant safely take care of my own pts. bc of having such a poor experience at the hospital that is was in. I'm begginnng to second guess my self. I have always been sure of myself now I dont feel so sure.. I know that there was no way that I would have been able to know that he had a Triple A. But in the back of my head I keep thinking if I missed this with him what am I missing with my own pts.

I apologize for the length. Have any other nurses out there been thru something like this before and if so how did you deal with it. thank you in advance