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Discussion

Saying Goodbye

I have been working at an assisted living facility for the past 11 months. I have watched many pass. I've watched people die quickly and I've watched the process last days. How do you say goodbye. What do you say to someone who is having their last days? I cry every time I have tried to. I am so worried that my crying distresses them. What do you say when saying goodbye, does saying goodbye give you closure. These deaths have taken a toll on my mental health, to the point that I have been losing weight. I don't want to pull away emotionally from my residents, and I'm not sure I could, but I am worried that I'm going to burn out. I realize these questions are a bit scattered, but if you could give me any insight it would be greatly appreciated.

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    • Featured Replies

    I hate to say this because I know it will seem cold but you have to be able to separate your self from the patients you take care of. I've been doing this a little over 20 years - all in LTC so I have had a lot of experience with death. There is still occasionally a patient who really gets to me but for the most part I take care of what I have to do and move on. Not sure how to tell you to do this but something that you need to figure out if you don't want to make yourself miserable. You sound like a very caring person just have to find a happy medium. Good luck!!!

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    • Experts
    These deaths have taken a toll on my mental health, to the point that I have been losing weight.
    Something is very wrong if the residents' deaths are negatively impacting your mental health. You must learn to place your residents in one compartment and your personal life in a totally different compartment. It's called compartmentalization.

    A nurse can still be warm and caring while maintaining professional detachment from patients and families. Grieving over every dead patient is a recipe for ruination, burnout and disaster.

    Good luck to you!

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    Balance

    Boundaries

    Self care

    People die, all of us, especially our patients.

    You must be able to define where your personal emotional boundaries are and you must practice NOT crossing those lines emotionally. These people are your patients not your loved ones.

    You must put the people and the processes of your work out of your heart and mind when you are NOT AT WORK. You must balance those things which bring you joy, peace, prosperity of spirit with those things that rob you of the joy, peace, and prosperity of spirit.

    Speak kindly and compassionately to your patients as a routine and habit and you will walk in few regrets when they die.

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