startingover2016

Why would you feel that way? Its ok to feel hurt and betrayed but thanks for the Best Wishes and no relapse here. I got over my emotions moved on. I have other career plans but 2017 will be tough Im sure but not a relapse in which i would lose my family. I am also not projecting. 2017 is not today and my support is strong. I can go through things but it doesn't mean i will relasr 2017. I wish you the best 2017 and thank you for your comment.

Sorry i was just trying to deal and write. I wasnt angry just felt betrayed but i agree

I think when i wrote it bu the end i felt so betrayed that my proofeeding skills went out the window. was i energetic and maybe talkative to much i will say yes. Did i come late and some times callout yes. I was never fired for it . My issue is when i offered referal letters etc i was told that this specific person remembers me and would not change his mind. I felt i was there so long ago and he never worked my shift. If his decision was made on track record for being late etc i feel that i can except. Specially if he is looking at facts. Like documentation or notes. Unfortunately i was not told that basically i pulled teeth for an answer and when I did i got he remembers you. A persons memories or even how the they interpret what they see is not always accurate. I have not been in years. Im so different and i matured so much. Ijust feel they could given me an opportunity but now i dont want to work with a place that judges you on a possible disability. I had add but wasnt in treatment to learn certain social skills. I was never super wild i just could not sit. At the end my high energy and ability to make people comfortable made me one of the best cna's . My atients were never neglected and my constant caring made their families able to catch a breath. I just feel they could had given me a chance .

I need to get as many answers to make my choice. i'm reporting an employer who i worked for and gave blood, sweAt but sometimes tears. I worked about 3 to 4 years a at this rehabilitation center were the work was rough. The patients were paralyzed and some times had brain injury. I was Perdiem and the pay $15.00 for necessary work to help the patient. I have add and naturally very hyper=energetic, always did my round, never ignored a light of patient. I was very helpful and young . This was about estimate 9 years. Im not bipolar but i am unique with a very kind heart. I have a psychiatrist and psychologist. Early in my life i was told i was bipolar took meds and they caused me to try suicide etc The bottomline whatever was going on then honestly came from being young, stress because i was a single mom with going to school. So yes iwas hyper and a really good CNA. I wasnt perfect was late slso i worked 16 hrs sraight. I applied recently but was told no for an administrative position. I i was told no. the recruiter mentioned the name the high ranking nurse. Over a month went y and i called the recruiter back for a RN position. I asked to forward reference letter and added info. Could you believe the recruiter said no because theindividual making the decision remembers me. Insisted but then all became cleat. i was judged for add realized not onlyhow iwas paid back but my hupermess only made me and me mae ms ifelt horrible. I requsted empllyeecjart es ly tomorrow reporti this to dept of labor, dept of dissability they also judged me not on skilli was a nsg assistant Today Im a RN, BSN

Hi everyone you are all special because it takes a lot to do what we do bu here we go guys. Keep an Open mind my comment is only suggested. Hi everyone I see both healthy nurses and those like me seem to be a bit filled with emotions. Some frustrated, others feel really what is it that a nurse can do for a patient in pain with a history of addiction. Here it Goes 1.First no matter your views maintain your emotional connection away so you can care professionally for a person. 2. Yes I'm an RN BEn mother etc and Recovering Addict from opioids. Diverted not but were I stand doesnt matter. 3. This is my suggestion. All individuals that are in in recovery or not have the responsibility to prior to having a procedure have a plan in place for pain. They are to speak to their doctors and surgeons whoever to plan it immediately. 4. My recovery is my responsibility not anyone caring so greatly for me. 5. As nurses we get to a point were we want to save all humans or at least try. 6. No one can change the mind or life of anybody unless they want. 7. I know is tough my addiction was a surprise to me trust me. I never thought I would be enlightening others on an illness I prayed never happened to me but here I am. 8. As Nurses if you think of what the role stands for it is not enforcers, cops, security, doctors etc who are we. 9. Nurses that even when we are treated horribly we return to the pt room and provide care no matter how frustrated or angry we feel 10. This is your answer guys and I mean all because I remember before my addiction how angry I fealt towards the addict who puts the alarm on, etc 11. With the compassion in your heart that made be a nurse never ever deny nor delay a patients pain meds no matter what you feel. You are the RN. The day the decide to change they must choose. Nursing and what we do is sacred. We are not judges nor juries. If you follow spirituality all you can do is pray that somehow they will find the need, strength to get help. To all the hardworking, kind, tough and new or experienced nurses please don't forget one word. Compassion. Getting clean is really painful and so tough but hopefully the people in and out with an addiction decide enough is enough. but guys and gals understand this one area you cannot control is best to stay calm, maintain your sanity. Do not allow a persons addiction muddy or make your spirit sad. Believe me I once thought I could help a patient who was detoxing from alcohol, he was young. I didn't know I was beginning my own personal addiction but I wanted him to make it. He signed out. Today I get it one more thing please lets begin a world in our hospitals and places we work free of stigmatizing or making it taboo. Mental Illness and addiction are diseases. Whether you believe me or not pretend you do. The only way to help our patients and coworkers is to stop calling the individuals with bipolar crazy. And the addict A drug addict. They feel like crap already our opinions do nothing but make the environment toxic and those co-workers that need help hold back in fear of judgement. Change goes slow but lets at least try. wounds heal from inside out. We can help if we learn to just stop being so opinionated. This goes for the doctors too. May all that read this live and continue to grow. If you are like me a RN BSN and addict who doesn't know what to do. NA and AA are free and they are waiting to give you a hug.

I hate your question but because I hate to tell you something is up. In my opinion you should be straight up honest and say "I'm really concerned about you as a person" " if you do have a situation with fam etc whatever it is please take time off and maybe speak to someone" then you say because i care about u and the patients you will hate what i will say now" Next descripency on narcs no matter how dumb it will not be ok" suggest she may just need time off. Unfortunately, addiction is a situation that can happen to the best, nicesest and greatest nurse. As long as when you report is not coming from a bad place in your heart. Sometimes reporting someone may just be the right thing. Its not your job to fix it, or do more then just alert the right person. A supervisor. They'll take it from there. Never feel guilty!!! You care enough to post so to me you are more concerned or seen other things that make you feel this way. A way the erson acts etc. only u know. Take care!!

Thank you so much for saying this . Im about to post a situation because i need whoever reads to tell me what to do. Don't worry i didnt pick more like I may get reprimanded by facilitator

You know i also agree with you because not every case manager is the same. They all have different opinions and views. Since there is no one to reach out too that is completely independent and actually reviews that no civil rights are broken we have voice or a way to report if we have a concern. Its almost like our rights to some extent are taken. I have heard some situations in which all i do is shake my head because we cant do anything about it. Unfortunately, we cant change the program or its rules so if we want our licence we must just accept it and do our best to provide proof we are not doing anything to harm ourselves and the patients. After all the are there to protect patients and help us do the same by correctin, maintaining and making the right decissions. My poor decission and inability to realize i needed help got me here. Before that day my drug abuse of pain meds was not my fault it was everyones fault but when we come in an learn the opposite then we know we all are responsible for the actions we make. But there should be a independent not related to the board etc to overlook all decisions made in regards to us. We also need protection and be able to report and challange certain rules put in place if we dont agree. Bottomline all we can do is follow everything even when we dont agree. At this point we have no voice nor able to challenge anything. We signed our fredom for the love of nursing. In reality, we could had been stripped of our license and no chance to get it back. Here we do. So for today things are ok and we are also at a different level and more knowledgable. We do what we can .

CryssyD Funny you mentioned this because 2 days ago i was talking with a person in my network that we discuss things a lot. When hard times or fights happen with my family but specially my significant other i become so sad the first thing on my mind is not the Percocet high but the fact that for a momement only a moment i want to hurt myself and say goodbye. As much as my addiction is something that can kill me my mental illness in me is worse. I think im more afraid of that because i tell my sponsor and my network i have to stay right because i will take myself out out in less than a minute. I don't share this to scare anyone so don't feel this way. I want to also shine shine light on Depression- MDD. Because my mental health is equally important. I have to make sure i take the necessary steps to have the right people always caring for me. Psychiatrist and psychologist. My family is very educated on depression but with addiction they sort of get it but because is not a street drug they put less effort to learn about it. all i can say we all no matter how angry we are for entering a long monitoring program i think we need to self search and be honest to ourselves. If i would not gotten caught eventually something really bad would had happened. Yes we pay but didnt we pay even more money for other stuff life drugs. At least our urine tests and meetings wont. Its ok to be angry as long as it makes you grow and stay clean. Thank you means a lot that i can share my story and stop someone else from making a mistake.í ½í¸Ší ½í¸Šâ¤ï¸ï¸â¤ï¸ï¸

SororAKS, ADN,RN Its a journey and a day by day by min thing. I have 1 tip get close to old timers that are rough and mean but have above 25 yrs clean. Thats my trick. They are tough and upfront and tell you like it is. I have some young but with the rate of relapse around i just want to learn, experience but not. Pop or abuse pills. Thank you for the post.

Houtx. Thank you . I feel why bring more negativity to a situation we cannot change so complaining never helps. I have another writing im working on. I appreciate your post.

It's been more than a year since i began this journey. All aspects of change are difficult but Returning to work a whole different person mentally and physically is even harder. Currently I am job searching and I was talking to a friend who is an RN, knows about my recovery and i dont agree with the following opinion. I have 1 medical issue that will cause me debilitating pain and was the reason why Im in recovery. It introduced me to pain medication. I always made poor choices in downgrading the severity of my medical issue. Continued to work through the years but when the pain suddenly reappeared time and time again i went straight for pain medication rx. On and off this went on. Today I'm proud to say I'm clean and know my limitations. My friend minimizes my pain and today discussing an open house her opinion is i should be greatful to accept any job offer even if its ortho? I need money desperately, im going to apply for state assistance because we will be homeless soon if i dont find work or get an extension on my unemployment. I know she can fight through anything including pain but I just cannot take a chance. At the end she did not understand that i have to do what's right for me. What if i take any position and the pain debilitates me and i can't move. Wost yet i do harm and need immidiate surgery. I have to stick to the plan and follow the area of nursing that I know I can work and not put myself at risk. I am not ungrateful by turning a job down while needing so much help am I ungrateful? I know what i need to do but just curious at others views and suggestions. My goal is to return to work not call out constantly because of pain. I guess unless you have been in my shoes and others with similar situations its hard for some to understand. My Recovery comes first and part of this Journey is learning to make choices that help us not sink us.

An article My Story It will never be me… I know better, I'm an RN, I'm not weak!! My reality? Yes, I became a recovering addict from Percocet and Adderall. I have a long history of Major Depressive Disorder that included three suicide attempts before my addiction then 1 from my addiction to Adderall. In 2010 began having severe back pain. Surgeon said I needed surgery and gave me a prescription 150 pills of Percocet. I didn't have surgery just kept taking Percocet. My first high was an accident. I had back pain took 2 pills of Percocet and Bam!! I was hooked. Back pain gone, depression gone, stress gone, felt confident and felt I was a better RN. I slowly increased the times I used the pills. By October 2011 driving to work I was having withdrawal symptoms 2 hrs after taking 2 percocets I knew why, crying I called my cousin for help, told my job I needed a week off for depression and I detoxed at home from fear of losing my RN license. I stopped Percocet but began abusing my Adderall. By 2012 I was dependent on 360mg of Adderall daily to be awake. When I ran out all I did was sleep. So I became useless, a body on a bed. I was defeated I told God, you either take me or give me my life back. I took a deadly combination to stop my heart, breathing and fall into a deep sleep. Called my spouse said goodbye, but just as I passed out on my bed my brother came running in. I was intubated in the ambulance, spent 2 days on a vent then psychiatric unit. Never used Adderall again. Went on with my life, had my son, for almost 1 year after used Tramadol daily as directed then abused it by December 2014. I was depressed from work and death of a close friend. Back pain returned got Vicodin, then Percocet. In the attempt to stop Percocet, I went for back injections that made the pain worse. On my work day, prior to leaving home, I chose to mix Percocet and Dilaudid pills to stop the back pain. Went to work under the influence. At end of shift got drug tested and lost my job. I was told I was being reported. Someone gave me RAMP's number and said they will help you. Didn't know who I was calling or who they were. 3 days later I realized it. I felt betrayed and confused but scared to death to lose my career. I was angry and took me about 2 months to realize RAMP was my only option. Having an Rx is not an excuse to practice under the influence. Today my license is active and I work as an RN. I'm alive and happy. The beginning was tough but now I owe RAMP my life. God saved me through them. I needed help and this time I got it. Nothing worth having comes easy”.