JessicaMarks

Finally back at it again! It took about four months to fully shake it off. Doc diagnosed me with an adjustment disorder. I dealt with it without the use of meds and I am so glad that I am finally back to my normal self. This time around I feel determined to go forward and not cower away from nursing. I think the anxiety thing really made me stronger and I realized that I just need to do it. Face my fear and do it afraid if I have to. I am so lucky to work for a great company with lots and lots of support for "new" nurses like myself. They are not spoon feeding me. They are pushing me to be better while still being close by if I need any help.

Thank you for your advice. This is really out of character for me. I have never really experienced anything like that before. I have never been so gripped by fear that I cower away from something new. The psychiatrist I was seeing said that it was an adjustment disorder and should resolve within 6 months, but I can't just wait around for me to snap out of my irrational fear of failure/incompetence. I decided to see a therapist and see if I can work through it and get to the root of this. I guess a refresher course is the way to go when I'm ready to get back in the game. Thanks again.

VERY LONG STORY: I graduated from nursing school back in December 2012. I didn't take my NCLEX until August 2014 (passed on first try). I had been diagnosed with a mental disorder during nursing school that required me to fill out a declaratory order with the Texas Board of Nursing. That took some time and after it was finally settled and I received permission to sit for my boards I was 3 months away from my due date (found out I was expecting baby #3 2 weeks before graduation). I decided to put nursing on hold and focus on my family and preparing for the arrival of my little one. In the time that has passed I feel that I have lost a lot of knowledge. I was elated that I passed my NCLEX after being out of school for about a year and a half with minimal studying. September 2014 I found out that I had been misdiagnosed and had to submit a petition to the board to have the stipulations removed from my license. Finally in Jan. 2015 I appeared before the board and was cleared. I now had a clear license. I found a job 2 months later at a long term care facility. Training went well. It wasn't until I worked my first shift alone that I was hit hard with anxiety. I seriously thought I was going to have a panic attack right then and there. I was able to calm myself, take a deep breath, and get to work. I completed my 2 day assignment and haven't worked since. I have never been so scared and felt so incompetent in my life. I like to do things right and doing them well and just knowing that I don't know half of what the other nurses know just completely crushed me. Here I am months later trying to muster up the courage to give working another shot. Any advice? In nursing school I was always highly recommended by patients for being caring and going above and beyond...unfortunately I feel there are too many gaps in my knowledge for me to feel confident to practice nursing.

I'm from San Antonio too. What nursing homes do you recommend for a newly licensed LVN? I have been out of school for about 2 1/2 years and just now started my job search due to some stips I needed to have removed by the BON.