TractorGirlRN

Justasweety I totally get what you are saying!!! I had an opiate addiction also. I got myself help when I started seriously considering suicide as I could not live that life anymore and I really didn't know if there was a way out. Luckily I chose the right path. Anyways, I was confronted 2 months after I got sober for diverting. I do not deny what I did. And contrary to what other people may believe I DID NOT withhold from my patients and NEVER did any patient harm. My license is currently fine, although I am not allowed to use it at the moment. I am seriously questioning going through with this program. I NEVER want to pass meds again. I just don't think I should have my "enemy" in my face everyday. I LOVED my job, I did L&D for 8 years. I would like to get into lactation consulting now. I'm just not sure I want to surrender my license but I'm also not sure I want to continue (or can afford to) the program. I don't know what to do. So know that there IS someone who understands and is in the same boat. Don't listen to any crap. Remember that your will keeps you clean!

I know this thread is a bit old but I'm new to this forum and was reading past posts. All addicts are not the same! I can't stand being all lumped together. What works for some doesn't work for others. I think that if you are confident in what you are doing you will be ok!! Your will is what keeps you sober. If I even think for a second about my DOC I remember all I have lost bc of it and I remember when I thought about ending my life over it before I got clean. I do not take my sobriety for granted. It is hard work. Nursing school is stressful but I think if you are aware of that and make sure you keep your support system aware that you may need some extra help I think you can do it!! Personally I would NOT report your past to anyone! Suboxone does not show up in the normal drug screen. Keep doing what you're doing and just remember all of the reasons why you want to stay sober. You can do it!!

I'm sorry I can't answer your question but I wanted to say I'm totally jealous of your hospital!! That's awesome that they have a program like that set up!! I wish I got that instead of being caught by drug control and put into our states program. Although I should be happy I at least have that to go to instead of losing my license and having everything public. Great job getting and staying sober!! Remember you can do anything you put your mind to. Your WILL will keep you sober!

Thanks for your reply. All went well with the DPH. I got a "warning" about my positive test. I was also told we addicts are "all the same" and how they are so "worried" about me due to this incident and my past. How wonderful to know that if I do not follow their instructions and act exactly as they say I will always be "sick". My therapist who I've been seeing all of a month says he's not worried about me in the slightest. That my will is strong and I know that I don't EVER want to go back to my addiction. Wish they listened to him!! Ugh sorry for the rant but I'm just sad about the prospect that this is the next five years of my life.

Is anybody else in this program??? I was confronted in July for diverting meds(2 months after getting clean on my own. not that that matters to them!). Which I did while I was sick, but I NEVER denied a pt or did any pt harm. They fired me and to avoid disciplinary action from the board I started the HAVEN program. I really really was not happy about turning my life over to them for 5 years but its not like I had a choice. I also cannot afford this but have some how managed to keep my head above water so far. I recently tested positive for alcohol on a UA. I had no idea where it came from but after going through things with my therapist I know it was from a couple of glasses of punch a friend gave me. It did not taste like alcohol and I didn't even feel any different from it (which my therapist says could be bc I am on subutex). So now I have to meet with the Dept of Public Health tomorrow and I feel like HAVEN is throwing me to the wolves!!!! The case manager says "my story is weak" and they probably won't believe me and if that is the case they will take me out of HAVEN and put me into the public program!!!! So EVERYONE will be able to see this on my record and my license!!! If that happens I truly think that I will just surrender my license bc there is no way I will get a job after that. I'm not even sure if I will be able to get a job with all of this HAVEN crap after they "allow" me to go back! I'm just feeling terribly confused and sort of alone in this. I feel like HAVEN wants me out, probably bc I haven't been able to pay all of their fees so far I'm just wondering if anyone else is in this program or if anyone has any kind of. Advice I just need to know I'm not the only one going through this. Thank you!!!