LillyBud

Thanks you all so much for your feedback! This is definitely my dream. I think while I am in between my BSN and starting for MSN I can take some time to focus and ... clarify :) Thanks for giving me encouragement!!

Hey everyone! I am approaching a my one year anniversary of being a nurse! woo! I just don't know what to do with ALL of my VAST experience! Seriously though... I know that I want to continue to go to school. I will be finished with my BSN this summer. It was an immediate assumption that I would just continue on for my FNP or ANP. Of course, I am beginning to second guess myself. I have been working in the MICU for one year. Maybe this is why I am always second guessing. The thing is...I know I am smart, but I feel so stupid. I am book smart. Put me in front of a book and I can read the crap out of it and tell you all about it. Give me a doctor asking about my crashing patient's history are and I am like an infant drooling at the mouth. I eventually come around and kick it into high gear, but the adrenaline actually startles me at first. Ugh...Don't get me wrong, I am not incompetent. I do my job and I do it well! I love my patients! They normally love me too :) I check and re check everything. I am always afraid to make mistakes, but that is because I have made TWO so far! I know we are not always so forth coming about our med-errors, but I really beat myself up over them. I guess where I am heading with this is...IS it worth it to continue on for my FNP if all I am going to continue to do is belittle myself with all of these "What ifs"? What if I don't catch something right away. What if I don't clearly understand the contraindications for medications? What if my patient asks me a question and I can't answer it? I want to advance my practice so bad, but I am going to be honest here: I want it so that I can provide for my fmaily. I want it so that I am not run down to the bone with bedside nursing. I want it because I like learning, I am just afraid that I won't know everything. I just need some advice. and maybe a hug! What will I be getting myself into? Is it worth it? Is it a high stress level job like working in an ICU? are the hours more "mom" appropriate (I work nights now and I hate it)? Will I learn all I need to know in school to be a competent NP? I appreciate any and all of your responses! Thanks guys :)

You guys have all been so immensely helpful! I really do think that I am able to make it as an ICU nurse, I guess it's just normal, and maybe a little good, that I am so nervous. And I don't want to just be a critical care nurse for the sake of saying it. I love the title that it carries because I know that someone is so ... delicate... And I can make a difference for them instead of rushing around to pass meds on 6-8 patients. The pride of saying that you are critical care nurse means that you actually get to explore your patients diagnoses, and take the time to focus on what is going on and how you can make it better. Doctors give you just a tiny bit more respect. It really feels like I'm using all of the knowledge I gained in school plus a TON more. So, no, it is not just being able to call myself a critical care nurse. The title is about what you make it. I really can't thank you all enough for all of your kind words. I will remember them when I am on my own in a week and a half!!

Thank you for your words of encouragement, everyone. We do have a good team in my unit on night shift. It is just so hard to tell if I would be happier somewhere else. But, I guess the only way to tell is to just keep going at it and give it some time. I always loved labor and delivery and hospice. I think part of me would be so upset if this didn't work out, because it means that I failed at it. I do appreciate all the nice things you guys have to say, this website is so encouraging especially for new nurses

Hey all! I started working in the MICU as a new grad 5 months ago. Lucky me, I am still in orientation (was supposed to be 4 months but I got a little time added on because I was so "new"). Man oh man, has this just been an up and down roller coaster for me. I am 2 weeks away from becoming a grown up nurse and being on my own. I have never felt so nervous in my life. I know more time will not help me. If I stayed in orientation until I felt 100% ready and confident, I'd never get out of it. I so badly want to be on my own to see if that is what makes me feel better, but yet I dread not having constant support over my shoulder. I don't know how to describe it, but I will do my best! So here is what I love about critical care nursing so far: learning far more about human physiology than I ever thought possible, having autonomy in decisions, 2 patient load, (but intense 2 patient load), being on the code team (!!!), knowing I am getting awesome experience and will be able to do a lot with it, and being able to call myself an ICU nurse . Now...this is what I hate: I second guess everything I do..and I mean everything, some of the nurses I work with are real a$$holes (pardon my language), I cry on my way home and a day and a half before I have to go back, The most trivial things get me all worked up...like not knowing all the paperwork that accompanies a transfer to another facility, a lot of these doctors are real a$$holes too, did I mention the nurses are too? I think I hate night shift, I'm pretty sure I have an ulcer from feeling so stressed out all the time, I feel inadequate more than I feel confident. Now I am not a dumb person. I did well in school and I love learning new things on my OWN time. I love to be able to focus on the why and how of things. I get so amped up during codes and love the feeling of teamwork. So I know it is not JUST that I am not cut out for ICU, it has to be something more than that...or maybe not. As you can see my hate list is longer I don't know what to think anymore. I feel so out of it. You know what it feels like? It feels the same way it did when I came home as a first time mother. Excitement, but mostly nervousness, second guessing, emotional basketcase-itis, and total sleep deprivation. It is hard to impossible excited to go to work. People tell me this is normal, but it is just so hard to believe them. I cry way too much over my job. I love it, but I'm so scared to screw up. I don't even know if I want people to tell me to find another area or to stick it out. I am so confused. I know this is really long and don't blame you if you left at my hate list, but if anyone has some words of wisdom, I am eagerly awaiting. I just started nights, I am taking BSN classes, have two young kids, and a husband that works 50+ hours. I am so overwhelmed. I am so depressed...Help make me feel better about myself, lol!

Thank you!!

I am ready!!! I really do love learning...I just want this to work so badly. I am already in love with saying it to people ... "Oh I am a MICU nurse!" It just feels good :) Thanks for your input guys! It is good to hear that it can be done :)

Thanks Sara :) I know I will get there eventually... it just gets a little daunting thinking of how this NEVER ends, lol. Not that I want to stop learning..I just thought when I got a job the learning would be more for my own good and interest instead of this stressful kind of learning that I endured during school. I will do what it takes because I really do want this to work sooo bad.

I am not sure why everyone is on the defense for your nurse...but I think she was in the wrong. Sure, maybe she was trying to joke with you and lighten the mood, BUT sometimes we need to remind people that when you feel like sh*t, you are in no mood for it. Instead you want someone to care for you. She should have maintained a more professional attitude. Like "ah, well even the best nurses still make mistakes every now and then". Oh well. What is done is done. I actually don't think you should report her though. I think if you felt that she was out of line, you should have said something to her then and there and given her the chance to correct it. Unless she was very cruel to you, I'd let this one slide.

Hey everyone! I just passed my boards 3 short weeks ago and was offered my ideal position on the medical intensive care unit. I had precepted there for my critical care rotation. I had met the manager while there. After I graduated and passed my boards I called HR quite a lot and got through to them and the unit manager. The unit manager offered to interview me. 6 days later I was offered the position!! I am absolutely elated :) I can't believe it!!! But, behind all my excitement, relief, and pure happiness, I am pretty nervous. I know this is going to be hard. I mean, that is all anyone will tell you if you leap straight to ICU nursing out of school - is that it will be hard, REALLY HARD, for at least 2 years. It is as if nobody has anything positive or encouraging to say. And, while I do not want people to sugar coat things, it would be nice to hear that it is not all depressing and horrible. I am kind of quiet sometimes and I don't want that to get in the way. I do not want to choke in an emergent situation. I don't really want to drive to work with knots in my stomach and drive home crying. I know that I will go through those things, though. I know it is part of the territory. I guess what I want to know is; will it always fell like doom and gloom? How soon until those feelings diminish? Any tips for a newbie on how to gather a great support team around her in the MICU? I have a million and one fears in my head about being adequate enough to fill the shoes of this position. I know I will be a good nurse..deep down, I know it. I just don't want to let myself down. I need to succeed at this and prove to myself that I am worth a starting position in the MICU. I appreciate all your support, everyone. This site is a wonderful resource for when you need a little pep talk!

Hey everyone! I just passed my boards 3 short weeks ago and was offered my ideal position on the medical intensive care unit. I had precepted there for my critical care rotation. I had met the manager while there. After I graduated and passed my boards I called HR quite a lot and got through to them and the unit manager. The unit manager offered to interview me. 6 days later I was offered the position!! I am absolutely elated :) I can't believe it!!! But, behind all my excitement, relief, and pure happiness, I am pretty nervous. I know this is going to be hard. I mean, that is all anyone will tell you if you leap straight to ICU nursing out of school - is that it will be hard, REALLY HARD, for at least 2 years. It is as if nobody has anything positive or encouraging to say. And, while I do not want people to sugar coat things, it would be nice to hear that it is not all depressing and horrible. I am kind of quiet sometimes and I don't want that to get in the way. I do not want to choke in an emergent situation. I don't really want to drive to work with knots in my stomach and drive home crying. I know that I will go through those things, though. I know it is part of the territory. I guess what I want to know is; will it always fell like doom and gloom? How soon until those feelings diminish? Any tips for a newbie on how to gather a great support team around her in the MICU? I have a million and one fears in my head about being adequate enough to fill the shoes of this position. I know I will be a good nurse..deep down, I know it. I just don't want to let myself down. I need to succeed at this and prove to myself that I am worth a starting position in the MICU. I appreciate all your support, everyone. This site is a wonderful resource for when you need a little pep talk!

Thank you!

He is good for somethin! Good luck :)

Mine was at 2 PM and that was a very big fear of mine that I would be tired!! I made the husband stay home from work and take the kids out to school in the morning and he let me sleep in. All I did that morning was sit around and watch TV I took a shower and refused to look in any of my notes. I was so amped up and nervous and anxious that I was not tired at all. Was a waste of time being afraid that I would be tired. Let me tell you though, by 7 PM I was exhausted!!

Thank you peppermint!