NuevaRN

I've been a practicing RN for a year now. Im afraid I hate it. I started in med/surg for 6 months. I did 3 months in psych and now I'm 3 months in to ER. Im ashamed of my job hopping. I just can't find a way out of the anxiety of going to work. I am petrified of facing things I don't know. I'm novice and I DON'T know much yet. I think that may be what makes me feel I don't belong in nursing. I did well in nursing school but now I feel so clueless and embarrassed that I'm the RN and I don't know how to recognize things not do I know my skills very well. It's inadequacy that frightens me the most! It's the fact that im sure people are talking about me not knowing. How do get over this? Will it get better? Will my job hopping prevent me from getting a non bedside RN job one day? I have no option, I have to continue this career. For my family, my school debt, the shear embarrassment of failure. But I'm scared I will be that nurse who doesn't know crap. Because I've heard how people talk about other clueless nurses.

I can read threads until I'm blue in the face in search of comfort that I am not the only new RN on a medsurg floor who loathes her job and going to work but at the end of it all (because there are many threads on this topic) I am the only one struggling through my14-15 hour shift. I feel so alone. I have applied and applied other places but no one wants a measly ADN RN without experience. All the tears and almost failed marriage through nursing school and now I hate my job more than any mean nursing instructor or long study nights. Does it get better? I've been at a teaching hospital for 4 months and I hate it!