WildKat

First of all, this is my first post, so if I mess up, apologies in advance. I'm sorry you're facing this. It's hard. Very hard. I decided on nursing after having some serious medical problems with my daughter, who thankfully lived and is a happy healthy 12 yr old. That being said, reading about or learning about her condition sends me into an emotional flash back. Here's what I do, keep in mind, I have no idea what disease we're talking about. Although you say this particular subject will never be your niche in nursing, it can be your "orificenal" to make sure it doesn't happen to another patient, or perhaps your involvement could mean earlier intervention, so you'll want to get to know that monster inside and out, upside and down. For instance I became a lactation counselor after terrible treatment I received after my oldest daughter was born. I really needed to ensure that someone like me was saved. If only just once. I'm proud to say I've saved several dozen just like me, and although I'll never have treasured little memories of nursing my baby girl, I can make sure other women do. So that's my don't let it own you, it's your turn to own it. And to turn that knowledge into something more powerful than grief. I hope you find a way and I wish you luck.