I'm a new RN, and all of my clinical experience was in a hospital. Of course, the only job that I could land was at a LTC/rehab facility. So, the atmosphere alone is totally different and new for me. Depending on the unit I'm on, I'm in charge of up to 32 patients. Which means med pass, treatments, and charting. If nothing happens, if there is no incidents, new orders, or something crazy. Or a full moon. My preceptor has basically thrown me out there. I was passing meds my first night to patients that I have no clue what their deal is. So I'm trying to shove crushed meds down this lady's neck, and she's the most difficult patient to try to give meds. But I have no idea. I don't quite understand the different areas of this facility. There's 160 beds, 6 diff units, and I can't figure out how it's divided, and no one will tell me. But from what I've gathered, all the normal people are upstairs, and all the demented ones are on the ground floor. So I've been here for 7 days, the first day was all paperwork and massive amounts of info shoved into 8 hours, and I guess I was expected to retain it all. Then I'm put on a med cart, trying to get things down, and I really have no idea what I'm doing. I got to shadow for one day, and while shadowing, she still couldn't finish everything that is required in the correct amount of time. So how the hell am I supposed to learn? So it's day 7, and I'm asked if I can handle this on my own? I told her no, I don't feel that I can safely care for these patients alone. And I asked what I can do to improve myself, and I don't really get an answer. So now it's day 8, I still have no freagin clue what is going on, I'm trying to ask questions and not really getting an answer, I don't know where to find things, I'm not allowed to bring any personal books in with me (ie like a pharm book, bc 'theres one at the nurses station', and when someone else needed it today, guess what.. it wasn't there... funny eh). So my preceptor asks me if I think that I really belong in LTC and that maybe this isn't for me. OMG are you freagin kidding me??? Maybe being an orienter isn't the right freagin position for you. So I told her that I am just frustrated with myself becuase I'm not getting things done on time. For instance a med pass that takes the other nurses an hour to get done, is taking me like 2 hours. And I'm frustrated bc it shouldn't take me that long, but I don't see an opportunity for change. And all I get in reply is... only you can change that. wth?? I'm asking you for advice, because you've been watching me.. so tell me where I can improve. I'm so frustrated. And now after that comment being made, I'm fearful of losing a job I haven't even really started yet.