nscurn

Hi--I found this thread while searching for a discussion of RNs who have BPD, not those who work in that field. But as one recently diagnosed, I found the original post very helpful. I know there is a mental health in nursing thread but I wanted to specifically talk to you all who have experience with BPD. I'm trying to decide if I can continue in my field (NICU). I had a breakdown almost a year ago and have been in and out of inpatient units since. I am on my second atttempt to return to work; the first resulted in a psychotic break. I know I was a good NICU nurse before I was diagnosed--I didn't make errors, I was thorough, got along with coworkers, got good evaluations--but in looking back I can see there were times during shifts when I was barely holding it together. I took shortcuts sometimes, or I'd call off sick because I would wake up and HATE my job and know there was no way I could go in. Last week I was caring for preemie twins. The mom had been through fertility stuff and had waited a long time for these babies. She was nervous about everything. She and her husband had hired a nanny for home and had called ten references for her. And I thought to myself, what would they think if they knew about me? If they knew about my suicide attempts in the past year and my break with reality? They would be horrified, is what. I don't know if I belong in nursing anymore.