mightynurse1

Nursejuvie, There are no words that can accurately describe how much I appreciate your post. You really give me hope, and YES! since when is it so damn wrong to be creative, driven, and ambitious! When did it become so wrong to have a BURNING desire to be successful, or wait dont anybody kill me for saying this: excel? This is who I am, I cant help it! I demand nothing but absolute excellence from myself, and that is defined by fast, safe, effective care of my patients. No, a pair of office scissors from the nursing station is not ideal to cut a pill, (which FYI, was for her, a half dose of metoprolol) but if a patient with a history of arrhythmias is waiting for their Amiodarone drip because she just had an 8 beat run of VTAC, you best believe im gonna use that damn scissor, and guess what? If I could get a do over, I wouldnt change a damn thing! What to know why? Because nobody knows for sure, nor will they ever, but, I might have saved that patient from having a really serious problem..Im not there to sing coombaya with fellow nurses, or play nursing politics. I know now that humility goes a long way, but I found at this place that a "hater" has more influence than even your greatest contributions. Its sad as hell, but I WILL rise from this, just like you did. Thanks again sweetie.

Jadelpn, Esme12, Thank you much for your kind words of comfort. Your posts really struck a cord, and served to give me a perspective so fitted to my situation. I really do appreciate and thank all of you much, for your feedback. I hope I can someday be of service to you as you have for me during this thread. I will definitely use it to reevaluate my professional life, career goals etc.

Thanks for all your responses, I will definitely take them in while I take this time to reflect. What about getting something else? What do you guys think? Am I basically blackballed? Will it be harder or easier for me to find something? Esme12, go easy on me will you? Yeah ive been pretty cocky, but believe me, im paying a really heavy price for it. One that I have been feeling at the pit of my stomach and my eyes every living second since. Dont get me wrong though, I appreciate/need your words, I just hope you can also give me some information to pick me up. I really need that right now...

I am a lost for words, I never thought this could actually happen to me. This was my first job, on the telemetry floor of a major hospital, with an outstanding reputation, one that consistently ranks among the best. During preceptorship, I was learning so much, I got to the point where I really felt confident. I was quickly handling a full patient load and developing my efficiency. I was building my intuition, patient outcome prediction skills, and patient and family rapport skills. I was 6 months into the job (5 or so on the floor by myself after preceptorship) and I was already floated to the ICU step down unit, and given an excellent 6 month review for my performance. And through it all, I never had a patient code on me, this was by design, not default. My intuition allowed me to closely monitor patients that "didnt look right", and intervened before it got worse. However, I could not help but notice how an average of 1-2 nurses would leave to get work in another hospital! I would always ask myself: why? this is supposed to be one of the best hospitals? Anyways, leading up to my 6 mo review, I would find myself at work every single shift 15 mins ahead of time 6:45- 6:50am (which has always been the case) and leaving right on time because of how well I managed my patient load. I even put together a powerpoint presentation to educate the nurses on the floor about a pain management team I was planning to head, as was asked of me by my asst. director. I was not feeling very challenged anymore though. Im sorry if my being frank can be interpreted as arrogance but it is just the truth. I wasn't feeling challenged. I was getting bored. So I enrolled in an EMT course to challenge the paramedic exam and have those extra credentials. Working 12 days a month, and not going home with baggage or "worries" put me in a position to feel the need to reach out for professional development opportunities to increase my chances of getting into the ER. WOW WHAT A MISTAKE! After I told my other asst. director about enrolling, and asking for certain days on my schedule to accomodate the classes, EVERYTHING CHANGED!!! My director then got fired, and i'm assuming it was because of the very low patient satisfaction scores (HCAPP), and high nurse turnover rates. Just a couple of weeks later, I was written up for using a pair of sciossors to cut a pill instead of using a pill cutter. WRITTEN UP! a written counseling for this? Really? Oral medication administration is not an aseptic technique, so it stands to reason that if your in a pinch (which I was at the time) a sciossor could do the trick. Isn't that what nursing is all about anyways? A constant, moment to moment evaluation of your priorities based on the acuity of your patients needs? BELIEVE ME, there where more important things going on at that time. I let it slide, I simply refused to let it bring me down. I figured "hey, maybe they are big on that stuff". However, it didn't stop there. A couple of weeks after that, I get called into my managers office to be placed on a "performance improvement plan" I could not believe it!! They were taking (I put 2 and 2 together based on the conversation) this one nurse's advice about my performance. This nasty, miserable, with a history of getting other nurses in trouble, nurse's account of my performance, and it was enough to place me on a performance improvement plan. Unbelievable!!! I felt sooooo betrayed!!! I couldn't help but approach her and ask her why she would do such a thing without having spoken to me about any heart felt concerns (if they were so sincere) in order to work with me to correct any legitimate problems with my performance? About a minute into the conversation she not only admitted to having "reported me to administration", but also cut off the conversation and insisted on resuming discussion in our managers office. Needless to say the conversation got pretty nasty in there, she accused me of retaliating against her, and I ended up getting suspended. I returned approximately 2 weeks later and was given a heavy patient load. It was complete with a patient that had been discharged 3 times (during the same hospitalization) before the head M.D. of internal medicine asked me to call security to have her escorted out of the room, three discharges, two admissions, and a training on insulin pumps. They even tried to give me a direct admit (which is much more involved than a regular one or a transfer). Talk about a nice homecoming huh? The next day I report to work and halfway through the day Im called into my managers office, again. They said I left an IV port on one of the patients I discharged the day before. They said the patient returned to have it removed. As such, my employment ended that day. How sad, I gave this place my every last ounce of heart, soul, and passion. I promise you that I have never dedicated sooo much to something in my life, and now it is over, done. There are no words that can describe how frikin painful this feels. I just want to know where I go from here? What should I do now? Will I ever get hired by another good hospital, let alone a major one? Does this mean that Im basically black balled from nursing? being that I was fired during my first year? (because that one year mark seems to be such an important milestone) Is there some unwritten code that states that if a nurse doesnt get past the first year they are basically not one of the "good nurses" or am just being upset and paranoid. PLEASE HELP ME!! I need answers from you guys! I need answers from experienced nurses out there. At one point I was at the top of my game, things looked great at work, I even saved the hospital Millions of dollars in what would have ended up in a medication related sentinal event. A drip that was labeled with the five rights of med adm., but attached to a Lasix vial! I caught that error, saved the hospital from certain doom!!!! Please help me I dont know what else to do!