jenna75

It's very sad that you cannot disclose this information without being "branded" or feel like an outcast to coworkers. I disclosed my mental illness to my coworkers and my thoughts of suicide earlier this year and I felt so much better. Though I am a nursing student, I work full time in animal medicine and work with a small group of people. I had a complete nervous breakdown this year and hit rock bottom--full blown with severe panic attacks and everything and keeping it all bottled up inside was killing me. Thankfully, I am close with the people I work with and felt comfortable with telling them how I was feeling, and to my surprise some of them told me deep dark secrets about their own mental issues. It was enlightening. As I stated in my post from yesterday, I have suffered from a see-saw of manic episodes and deep depression since I was a teen. Currently I am in my late 30's and was not dxed with bipolar until 7 years ago. I was just thankful to know what it was and put a name to my disorder. I know everyone has their own special mix of goodies that come with this disorder, as do I. I have anxiety issues and obsessive-compulsive disorder thrown in with manic/depressive bouts. I may, at times, have a little ADD too. It is like a big mental disorder party inside my brain! But it is like a car wreck, even though I know it is happening I just can't stop. Meds keep me in check more than I would be without them. I am glad people are able to open up on this forum, it is good to hear your stories. You are not alone!!

@dolcebellaluna Thanks so much for the encouragement! I will get through this...

I was dxed with bipolar disorder about 7 years ago and it has been one rough ride since I was a teenager. I go from complete manic states to being so heavily depressed I can barely crawl out of bed. I am in my second semester of nursing school and I am currently not passing due to a personal issue earlier this year that has left me devastated emotionally. My doc tried upping my effexor dose to the max-- it didn't work, she added a mood stabilizer-- it didn't work and now I am gradually making a switch from effexor to zoloft. Xanax works to keep me out of deep states of depression but it is short acting and I try to limit intake of it due to the addictive effects. I have tried Wellbutrin before but it had me so manic that I did not sleep for 7 days straight and developed SOB and heart palpitations. I am afraid Zoloft will fail as well. I saw a psychologist for a couple of months but it was too expensive and I felt it was not working. I have gone through feelings of suicide, but I would not do it because I have kids to raise and my whole point of nursing school was to get a better job in the medical field to support me and my kids since I am a single mom. I glided through first semester with no issues and usually love school (I have another degree in a different field), but now I have been having a hard time studying and concentrating, all I want to do is sleep or stare into space. The thought of doing the whole semester over again brings me down. I have not had a manic episode in a long time--if I am not just plain depressed, I am apathetic and though I smile and laugh on the outside in front of others I am really dying on the inside. I just feel like time is ticking by and I am only getting older. I have been seeing one of my nursing instructors regarding help studying and the like, but I am afraid to tell her about my disorder because I feel like my mental health will stop me from getting into the nursing field. First semester I felt like a shining star and this semester I feel like nothing but a failure. I agree with what was said about this running in families. I think just about everyone I know on both my mom and dad's side of the family has some mental affliction or mood disorder. My parents as well. I'm afraid this is something that will pass to my children since their father also has mental and addiction issues. It's a scary thought, but I try to raise them the best I can and have them keep a good head on their shoulders. Though I would never wish this disorder on anyone, I am glad I am not alone in this and the subject is more widely discussed than it used to be. Thank you!