TiaLusa

Freda and Barry sat one night. The sky was clear. The stars were bright. The wind was soft. The moon was up. Freda drained her cocoa cup She licked her lips. She felt sublime. She switched off Gardeners' Question Time. Barry cringed in fear and dread As Freda grabbed his tie, and said: Let's do it! Let's do it, Do it while the mood is right! I'm feeling Appealing. I've really got an appetite. I'm on fire With desire. I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir. Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! But he said: I can't do it. I can't do it. I don't believe in too much sex. This fashion For passion Turns us into nervous wrecks. No derision! My decision-- I'd rather watch The Spinners on the television. I can't do it. I can't do it tonight. So she said: Let's do it! Let's do it, Do it till our hearts go boom! Go native, Creative Living in the living room. This folly Is jolly. Bend me over backwards on me Hostess trolley. Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! But he said: I can't do it. I can't do it. Me 'eavy breathing days have gone. I'm older, Feel colder. It's other things that turn me on. I'm imploring: I'm boring. Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring. I can't do it. I can't do it tonight. So she said: Let's do it! Let's do it, Have a crazy night of love! I'll strip bare. I'll just wear Stilettos and an oven glove. Don't starve a Girl of a palaver. Dangle from the wardrobe in your Balaclava. Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! But he said: I can't do it. I can't do it. I know I'd only get it wrong. Don't angle For me to dangle. Me arms 'ave never been that strong. Stop pouting. Stop shouting. You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting. I can't do it. I can't do it tonight. Let's do it! Let's do it, Share a night of wild romance, Frenetic, Poetic! This could be your last big chance To quote Milton, To eat Stilton, To roll in gay abandon on the tufted Wilton. Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! I can't do it. I can't do it. I've got other little jobs on hand. Don't grouse Around the house. I've got a busy evening planned. Stop nagging. I'm flagging. You know as well as I do that the pipes want lagging. I can't do it. I can't do it tonight. Let's do it! Let's do it While I'm really in the mood! Three cheers! It's years Since I caught you even semi-nude. Be drastic Gymnastic. Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic. Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! I can't do it. I can't do it. I must refuse to get undressed. I feel silly. It's too chilly To go without me thermal vest. Don't choose me. Don't use me. Me mother sent a note to say you must excuse me. I can't do it. I can't do it tonight. Let's do it! Let's do it! I feel I absolutely must. I won't exempt you, Want to tempt you, Want to drive you mad with lust. No cautions, Just contortions! Smear an avocado on me lower portions. Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! I can't do it. I can't do it. It's really not my cup of tea. I'm harassed, Embarrassed. I wish you hadn't picked on me. No dramas! Give me me pyjamas. The only girl I'm mad about is Judith Chalmers. I can't do it. I can't do it tonight. Let's do it! Let's do it! I really want to run amok. Let's wiggle. Let's jiggle. Let's really make the rafters rock. Be mighty. Be flighty. Come and melt the buttons on me flameproof nightie. Let's do it! Let's do it tonight! Let's do it! Let's do it! I really want to rant and rave. Let's go, 'Cause I know Just how I want you to behave: Not bleakly, Not meekly. Beat me on the bottom with a Woman's Weekly. Let's do it! Let's do it tonight!. © Victoria Wood, 1987

LOL - From an English woman who is wondering when the English man is going to get the courage to say hello even!

Kids Tell Us What Real Love Is From Janice Brooks 2-1-4 A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think: "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca - age 8 "When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." Billy - age 4 "Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5 "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4 "Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." Danny - age 7 "Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8 "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen," Bobby - age 7 (Wow!) "If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6 "There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them." Jenny - age 8 "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day." Noelle - age 7 "Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6 "During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore," Cindy - age 8 "My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night." Clare - age 6 "Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken." Elaine-age 5 "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7 "Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4 "I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4 "When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." Karen - age 7 "Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross." Mark - age 6 "You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget," Jessica - age 8 And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the >most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry." http://www.rense.com/general48/love.htm

Was the nurse in charge of male surgical ontake ward on a Saturday night. The Surgical Registrar phoned me said he was sending up a patient who had been shot in the eye! Shit I was panicking, thinking of nursing a really bad head injury on an old fashioned Nightingale ward all night. I kept asking him to send the to patient to ITU or even the Ophthalmic Ward! But he kept talking to me like I was a lunatic - saying NO this patient is coming to your ward! Okay said I eventually - we'll take him. Was dreading the worst when I accepted him. But he was sat up on the trolley! smiling, not a head injury in sight. He had been shot in the thigh - not the eye!!

Come on folks - nursing is hard enough work! Dont need any bad feeling between collegues - no matter what continent (or incontinent :chuckle ) we live on:p

I did medico legal work for years - just do the legal stuff now:p

OMG this bring back memories of my time in the ER (AED in the uk!). Had a DOA we were trying to resus - the medical houseman was trying to check his pedal pulses on his artifical leg!!! :roll

As an ex-nurse - Nurses dont get badly paid!!! Try finding another job, with your options limited due to chronic back pain. Only bonus is its a 9-5 Monday to Friday! No arguing over the Christmas off duty lol. Just enjoy it while you can! :)

Louise - Go for it! I trained as a RN in 1973-1976 in Merseyside (England). I always wanted to be nurse - I practiced for @20 years until I had to give up due to chronic back pain. I loved every minute, the wages were just a bonus. I suppose I am an 'old school type' I got so much job satisfaction from caring for patients, knowing that I had done my best to make sure they were comfortable, clean and painfree at the end of my shift. They had all been talked to as well, I worked night duty a lot and people tend share their fears in the nightime. I would love to be able to do it all again! Its all probably too high tech for me now. But I always imagined that every patient could have been my mum or dad, and I treated them with the respect and love I would have given my parents. (Bit sickly sweet that:) , but OMG we had a great laugh as well!

Write things down Milly - and dont get your flustered enough to make a mistake. Take 5 mins out every now and then to prioritise your tasks and dont be afraid to delgate.

Funniest comment I ever read in medical notes was - ' ... I think the lump in this woman's abdomen is a red herring ...'