Emoni

Hello All, Here goes, I am 24 and have been a RN for 2 years. I pursued a career in nursing because I have always loved to help others. However shortly after graduating a 4 year university I began my first professional job. Immediately I realized that this may have been the wrong career choice after I became to most depressed I have ever been, and have yet to fully recover. I was heart broken and devastated to realize that I had worked so hard... to feel so horrible. Determined to make lemonade out of lemons and pursue "happiness" I reluctantly left my first job after a few months and eventually ended up at my current employment. It is a different area of nursing, with better pay and benefits but with the same disappointments and frustration; under-staffing due to budget issues (as management builds bigger and better buildings that they say we need), heavier assignments and responsibilities, patient care needs determined by numbers and figures instead of acuity, mandatory plays and skits that management insist we attend, documentation, new documentation, redundant documentation, all the while managers rush you out the door at the end of your shift to avoid paying OT and CT for the extra tasks they assigned. It feels like at times someone hands you 50 cents and expects a dollar in return and then informs you that you are short 50 cents... And don't even mention the attitudes, why I chose to work in a area that's comprised of mostly women??? Anyhow, today I was informed that I was not selected for another position that I had recently interviewed for and became pretty upset. This position seems to be more on the level of the type of nursing I feel I would be good at (primary care) with obtainable goals. I am also planning to return to grad school and this position had a set shift M-F 8-5, as opposed to my current shift, VARIABLE, is the best way I can describe it. I could be of working any day of the week, 730-4 or 1130-8??? O and did I mention my assignment is variable as well. I can be a charge nurse one day on night shift, a lpn the next day on day shift, a na the next, and charge nurse again, all in the same week... So basically nursing has made me extremely unhappy and I feel guilty because I know how blessed I am to have a job, and I still love to help people and will always take care of my patients to the best of my ability...but I AM NOT HAPPY, and I don't know what to do next. And right now I really just wanna throw in the towel and be someone's secretary because I can imagine doing this for the rest of my life, another 10 years, another year, I don't even wanna go back tomorrow. I feel like my choice is to keep doing this and start on Lexapro or find a decent paying job somewhere else and leave nursing for good. PLEASE someone, advice PLEASE! P.S.- I have seen some of the nastier remarks on here, so before you reply... ask yourselves is it too much to actually be happy at work, or at least not depressed? Thanks