pippi1969

Thanks to everyone for there kind words and advice sometimes you feel as though is it just me that goes through rubbish like that or me that seems to attract jobs with unkind management? Well I have decided that because my manager will put in the reference about the learning contract which may put some employers off I won't apply to permanent positions but work for the Trust's own bank and let people get to know me I think that's probably best unless anybody has a better Idea ????? After the trauma I just been through I feel a bit scared committing to any permanent post and need some time to recover.

Hi, since my med error I lost my confidence which I am slowly building up again and I got out of the job that has been making me feel terrible for the last 4 months but I also have little confidence in making relationships on the ward I have worked on a ward for 6 months where it was very clicky and I felt the odd one out and people would not let you in and now where I have worked 9 monthson a different ward it was better but still there were a coulpe of nurses who made me feel so uncomfortable and I don't know why they behave like that especially while I was going through this upsetting time of having made the med error these nurses made it even worse by making me feel I was a total useless idiot, and to be honest because my confidence was low I sometimes believed it although I know I have a lot of nursing task skills and knowledge probably more than some of them but when you feel so low I ust didn't have the strength and the courage to question them about their behaviour towards me.

Thanks JB2007, you are right no job is worth getting ill for and thank goodness I have resigned there it's just that now when I go for interviews and people ask for a reference from my recent employer they are going to put in about this learning contract which doesn't sound very good but I know I will get from another employer as a second reference a very good one as I was already told by them but it won't be easy I think finding a job with the reference from my recent job, well will keep trying :wink2:

Since the drug error that I had this year and the investigation that followed but cleared me in the end has left me pritty scarred, anxious and has lost me some of my confidence. I have just recently resigned on the ward where the incident happened because it's constantly understaffed, a ward that has very dependent patients (trauma orthopaedics for the elderly) and therefore very stressful. But since I had the drug error I never managed to get back on to where I left off. When I went back to work I felt I was more monitored rather than supported which in a way I could understand but made me feel anxious of making a mistake as I was constantly watched. I found it very difficult to get back on the horse again as I felt people would not trust my capabilites and treated me by some people without respect it was very hurtful. My manager in this time was constantly at me asking me all the time why am I doing this or the other which would be ok if she had asked me in a nice way rather than making it sound as though she is trying to catch me out. Anyway since a week I have been written off sick for 5 weeks by my GP who seemed to understand and got the picture of what has happened to me. Before I was written off sick I was meant to fulfill this "learning contract" which is like doing your competencies but I felt under the stress I was there was no way I could achieve this as I was quite upset whilst working there and having my manager breathing down on you does not help either. I was told then if I failed this "learning contract" I would have to go down the capabilities route which I was told could cost me my registration ??? well they have quite frightened me with that as I am passionate aboute nursing. The RCN told me to keep the resignation and that it would not come to all that as I would not be there but I am concerned if there will be anything else to come once I have left in 5 weeks.

That is really kind of you yes I have got your email address so thank you very much for your support and your kind words.:wink2:

No not yet, but thanks for the advice depends how it goes as I had a good shift today if it carries on ok then might not have to but if not will probably speak to HR dept but hope don't have to go that far. But again thanks for your advice do appreciate it.:)

Hi again the patient did not die as a result of me giving the wrong drugs out as the toxicology report has revealed thank goodness the patient died because of all the comormidities the patient had. Which is still sad afterall.

Thanks Booter512 I will definitely leave but didn't want to stay another month never mind 3 to 6 months but try and stick it out with this learning contract to get a decent reference. But will see if I can't bare it then I will leave anyway. The problem is that if I leave before I finished this learning contract they will mention that I made a drug error and that I was subjet to an investigation which turned out to be fine anyway, but they will still mention in a reference. So it's catch 22 unfortunately:confused:

Hi, the last time I had written was when I made a drug error anyway everything turned out ok. But at the moment I am working under a new contract which is called "learning contract" which is fine and I have been able to do the drugs round again on my own. But on the ward where I work they are always quick to find what you haven't done well or maybe wrong and hardly say anything about the good work that I do. I don't mean to brag but I would say I work as good as many of my collegues and I am often more thoughtful to patients and their relatives then others but of course the seniors often miss this. It's so frustrating. I don't feel I can trust my manager as she is nice to your face next minute finds something to critisise and I feel she is very bias as she always puts herself onto the sides of other seniors or peple who have worked there a long time, she is never satisfied with what I do I feel. I don't feel happy on that ward and would like to leave but have to do at least 3 to 6 months to complete this learning contract otherwise I won't get a decent reference so I'm stuck really. Any suggestions anybody???

Thanks for your advice yes I will take my time now and I also have a mentor who will support me. I will soon work with the clincal educator who than will help me to show me where I can make improvements etc. Can't wait to work with her. Since the drug error I tripple check everything and tripple check again and again. I hope with time I will get back to where I was. Thanks again for your advice!!!:nuke:

Hello, I wrote before about the drug error I made which I reported which happend 31 may 08 but since then I have taken a backseat really have little confidence in myself and drug rounds and general nursing work. I get so stressed especially since the drug error. My manager had me in the office today telling me that I have written someones observations in the wrong chart also got the wrong drug box out while tryng to give someone the 7am tablet (under supervision) but I feel since the drug error I am still shocked and upset I believe it takes time get back from where you left off, but somehow people seem to forget that I have been through hell emotionally. I keep asking myself why is it me that seem to make mistakes or don't seem to get my workload better organised I feel a failure at the moment. Although I am still newly qualified but have made similar mistakes before and I get so upset and frustrated with myself and feel like a total idiot, is it just me or has anybody else had similar experiences. Anyway our clinical educator is coming to the ward to work a few shifts with me and helping me with time management and managing the workload & prioritising etc. I enjoy nursing but thought about leaving nursing due to all this.

Thanks everybody for your support and kind words. The Trust treats it like a genuine drug error which it was and there will be no more from there re disciplinary, but on Wednesday I have to speak to the police giving a statement which is ok but it's all so scary I never had to give a statement to the police, and I hope they won't keep me there. It's all so upsetting and frightening. I will have a solicitor with me and I have the full support of the RCN as they understand especially when it comes to drug errors.So hopefully everything is going to be ok

I will try to relax probably with a glass of wine, thanks anyway!!!

Thanks for your sympathy,yes I have reported the drug error to everybody and RCN are involved, is just I keep thinking of the tox report and imagine things like "oh what if they find something will I get blamed etc" I know it's irrational thinking but I think anybody in my situation would think like that. I would never hurt anybody and it's a very difficult time for me and my family as I have 2 young kids and it's affecting everybody. Like you said mistakes do happen and this is what makes us human. I wish I could stop worrying

I have made a drug error when doing meds round on the ward and got distracted by my collegue who asked me a question but instead of giving the meds to to Patient A I went over and gave it to the patient next to patient A which was 10 mg Amlodepine and 4mg Doxasocin (not sure of spelling) I reported the drug error immediatley. Unfortunately this patient died 3 days later, this patient was a very ill patient and had a lot of medical problems to start with and sister and matron treating it as a genuine mistake but because the patient died it has to go to a coroner and a toxicology report to find out cause of death which is fine. the whole thing has upset me having given the wrong drug, but now seeing that it's going for a tox test makes me feel as if I was a criminal or something and I started to get really paranoid thinking what if they find something really really small. am I going to be blamed??? I'm so upset about the whole thing and the Trust are supporting me and so is the RCN but it really makes you feel as if you are a bad person it puts me into a position I have nerver had to deal with before it's so awful and sooo scary. Can somebody please help relieving me of my worries as I don't know what's happening. the tox report comes back about end July 2008.