Avery205

I want to thank all of you who posted responses to my emotional dilemma. Thanks for all your advice and all your words of support for me and my family. I just wanted to update all of you and let you know that my father in law did pass away early this morning. His blood pressure dropped and would not respond to any of the meds they tried to bring it back up. His heart finally gave out. He was still on the vent and the ICD did not fire, so it was truely his time to go. My mother in law and the rest of the family were spared the decision to stop treatment and he did pass peacefully with his wife and most of his 9 children and their spouses at his side. I believe everything happens for a reason. He fought for his life as long as he could. His family fought with him as best they knew how. He is now at peace and that's all that really matters. Again, thank you all.

Thank you for your responses. It is true that I am not in a position to make decisions. I know my husband and a couple of his sisters have come to the realization that he will not get better and that he is at the end of his life. They have tried to discuss what his wishes would be. In fact, he signed health advocate papers stating that he didn't want to be kept alive by a machine and they are all aware of it. He is on a vent, has an AICD (that has fired more than a dozen times since implanted), and now they're talking dialysis. I'm not sure how many more machines they can put him on before adhering to his wishes! I believe they (when I say they, I mean my mother in law and my father in laws sons that are also health advocates) are justifying it by thinking that these machines are only temporary. I know that the doctor did talk to them about how poor his quality of life will be "if" he does come off the vent. My mother in law won't go up to the hospital by herself anymore because she is afraid to have to make any decisions by herself. I really think that she does not want to be the one to make the decision to stop treatment because then everyone would say it was her decision. I do beleive that if his sons brought up the idea that she would agree with it, because then it wouldn't be all on her shoulders. Maybe I will try talking to my husband about this. My father in law is a great man. He is 73 and has led an accomplished life. His stories amaze me. I will miss him dearly, I just hate to see him go out like this. Again thank you for your responses and letting me vent.

I love being a nurse. I went back to school at age 33 to become an RN. I've had my share of helping to save lives as well as being there in the final moments of life for patients who are on hospice. I've seen many patients who have or will have such a poor quality of life that it seems cruel to keep them going by any means necessary while families sit there like an audience for a performance and watch their family member wither away as I do my job to keep them dry, turned, bathed, fed (if possible), and comfortable. As a nurse, I see things from a different persective than family members, yet try to understand that this is their family member whom they don't want to live without. Often, I wish that hospice or at least a change is code status was more of a norm than a fear or taboo subject for patients and family members. I get tired of seeing so much suffering by patients while family members sit there with a blind eye turned to their family member's quality of life. My dilemma right now is that I have a family member in this situation. I am wishing that I could be that family member to turn a blind eye to what he is going through and hope for the best like everyone else. The thing is that I can't. I am an RN and I know what his day is like and his quality of life and I pray for him like everyone else in the family, but my prayer is not that he gets better and comes home, it's that he dies peacefully. But that is not happening. He has been in the hospital since the end of July when he collapsed. The paramedics did CPR and defibrillated him twice and intubated him on the way to the hospital and it has been a series of ups and downs from there. On his best day since that time, he was able to eat some soup and walk 10 feet with a walker. He already had COPD and heart disease among other things, but now also has an AICD, CHF and renal failure in addition to his multiple infections over the last few months (VRE, cdiff, etc.) He was intubated earlier in the week and remains on a vent with the possibility of now also needing dialysis. This family member is my step father in law. He has a large family and step family with a lot of family dynamics. He is the typical patient that no one wants to take care of because of the entire picture. When I found out yesterday that they may start him on dialysis I just cried and cried for him. I don't want to lose him either, but I don't want him to suffer like this. He is a very proud, strong man and I think he would would want to live like this. I have a difficult time talking with my husband about it. I just try to listen, because when I give my opinion or advice I just seem cold and insensitive because I can't turn off the RN in me. Any advice as how to handle my feelings on this yet be sensitive to the family would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for letting me vent.

I'm glad to hear you are sticking with the program. I just graduated from an accelerated second career program in August. I don't think there was one person in our program who didn't question the decision they had made to go through the program at some point. We only survived because we were all there to support each other through some very trying times and we all made it through. Most of us have started jobs here in Michigan and across the country. You will get through it and based on your posts you will do fine. Similar to a previous post, my program was very unorganized and I didn't always feel like I was getting the best education for my money (I too spent about $20,000 in addition to losing a year of income from not being able to work for a year). My advice is to make the most out of it. It sounds like you take the initiative to learn and get the experiences you want and need in clinicals, that's the best thing you can do. Good luck to you in your program and in your future career as a nurse! You'll do great!

Absolutely not! You're never too old to learn or try something new. Always go with your gut feelings, they will never steer you wrong. I just finished my BSN at age 33. It's my 3rd degree. Sometimes we just have to try some other things out before we figure out what we really want to do when we grow up . As some other people have mentioned, find out if there is an accelerated program in your area for people who already have degrees in other fields. That's what I did, because of my other degrees (and I still had to take prereqs for the program), I was able to complete my BSN in one year. It was a long, hard, stressful year, but was so worth it. I'm sure at some point, I will go back for my MSN, maybe when I'm in my 40's. Once you begin your program, you will find more people who are just like you going back to school for various reasons at all different ages. Do what makes you happy, when you're done, the naysayers just don't get it (perhaps they are even a bit jealous that you have the courage to go back to school to do something you've always wanted to do). Inside they are probably thinking "wow, I wish I could do that". GO FOR IT! GOOD LUCK!