Amy Wagoner

For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a nurse. Nursing is not for the faint of heart, and it is certainly not a glamorous job, but, for me, it is a very fulfilling career. Nursing school was not easy. It took an incredible amount of time and energy. I survived nursing school while raising two small children and working a full-time job. The hard work paid off, and I have a career I love that can lead me in many amazing directions. Something very profound for me is that nursing isn't just a job; nursing is part of my identity. When someone asks me what I do, I proudly respond: I am a nurse. I could simply say I work at a hospital or in healthcare, but that seems much less personal. The majority of my career has been in Emergency Nursing, but I now serve in a position away from the bedside, where I continue work to optimize patient care. Throughout my career, I have been witness to horrible injuries and situations, but I have also been blessed to witness a few miracles. I have had very good days. I have also had very bad days. Every day I presented to work with the goal of providing safe and seamless care to every patient that I encountered. I believe each patient (and their family) deserves adequate attention, which is determined by many factors. The evolution of healthcare from a ministry to a business has made this increasingly difficult for nursing. The expectation to carry an increased patient load has negatively affected the quality of care that can be provided. When the ratio of nurses-to-patients increases, the allotted time and attention for each patient is typically reduced in order to accomplish all the required tasks in a shift. When it becomes more important to complete tasks than to give quality care, it becomes a problem. As demands increase, how do healthcare workers deal with the guilt of not giving their patients the attention they deserve? At my graduation pinning ceremony, I took the Nightingale Pledge to "dedicate myself to devoted service for human welfare.” As a new graduate nurse, I had zero insight into what that statement really meant, but I quickly learned the magnitude of being responsible for the needs of others, regardless of if they are sick or well. As demands grew, I would leave my shift feeling defeated, knowing I wasn't able to provide the attention or quality of care that my patients deserved. This guilt led to dissatisfaction, frustration, and, over time, caused me to seek a new role. I needed the time to reassure the new mother who brought in a fussy baby that she is doing a good job. I needed time to be present at the bedside with the family member who was grieving the loss of their loved one despite our best efforts. I needed time to explain things to my anxious patient during an urgent situation. I needed time to decompress between patients and the reassurance that I was doing good work. Nurses bear the burden of making sure patients receive good care despite the circumstance. When we are unable to meet those standards, how do we deal with the guilt? When guilt tells us we aren't giving our best, how do we overcome the situation and protect our well-being? With increasing healthcare demands and our recent pandemic, many nurses have begun to rethink their career choice. I know many people have chosen to leave bedside care and pursue a different path. How do you evaluate if you are ready for a change? If we do not take care of ourselves, we can't take care of the patients adequately. When the shift is long and guilt sets in, take a deep breath and assess your well-being. You deserve that attention, and it will help you evaluate whether you can carry on or if it is time to take your nursing career in a new direction.