suzanneuthscsa

My friend, I will say some more prayers for you and your family tonight. I will pray hard that if you have to make that difficult decision that you will know with conviction and be at peace. My family went through that decision in June of 2004 with my mother-in-law. She was also very young---only 48---but I will tell you the amazing part. She had the most beautiful passing that anyone could have; with her family and six children surrounding her. She was unconscious and silently slipped away within 5 minutes of extubation while we said The Lords's Prayer. Every single person in the room knew that it was time and nobody ever had any regrets. I agree with the doctor that he deserves some time and so do you. That said, I believe in miracles and the enormous healing power of prayer and positive thinking. I know nothing of your husband's original illness as this is the only thread I have read, but he obviously has a valiant, fighting spirit to have come so far. Even though I don't know you my friend, please know that I am with you in spirit and sending my love to comfort you in this difficult time. Love, Suzanne

I did not leave AMA. Nor was I really enthused about leaving. I was very bitter at the time, and more than a little frightened of getting attached to a baby I was sure would die. (He was under a pound and he did make it!) They made me get up, walk the hall a few times, assisted me with a shower, and gave me strict instructions on bleeding risks like don't brush your teeth, don't wear a seatbelt, etc. They did try to release me and readmit at the hospital where my son was, but the insurance company would not go for that. It really was important for me to see my son, but I could have used another day of rest. I mainly went back because of my OB. She is really very wonderful, and it was mainly the fault of my nurse. My first baby had also spent the last 6 weeks of his hospital stay at this facility's NICU and I was very close to the staff. My second baby was big enough to stay at this facility so I chose to deliver her there. It was a very positive experience the second time around and I stayed 3-4 days after the second C-section which was the perfect amount of time. My son had spent six weeks at a larger facility in SA and I hated it. The nurses were rude for the most part, it was 30 miles further away from me, the parking fees were atrocious. He also grew better once he got to a much quieter and calmer environment. They have a Level III NICU at the smaller hospital, but they did not have the oscillating vent when my son was born which he needed. Does this make any sense, or do I seem like a total nut case? This is sounding bizarre even to myself! I admit to being a little terrified the second time, and I made sure that every nurse on the floor knew about the last experience and that I would not tolerate it again.

I have often wondered why they didn't move me to ICU myself. I live in San Antonio so it was not a small hospital. I was supposed to have been flown to a larger hospital where the baby actually went. I just went downhill too fast. I also think that the other reason is that I immediately started stabilizing after delivery. My BP went down, platelets started climbing, liver enzymes started falling. So maybe I wasn't that critical anymore. If you want a real shocker, I was released from the hospital about 36 hours post-op!!! This was not an ideal situation, but they wanted me to be able to see the baby in case he didn't make it. Looking back, this was the wrong decision because my pain was out of control, I was too weak, and too much of a bleed risk, but oh well! I am also sure that the drug was Nubain and it was some type of pump that I could push the button every 15 minutes. I believe I was given this because of the whole liver problem. As horrible as it was, I still went back there to have my second baby, but it was a little less complicated. I just had regular pre-eclampsia and I was at 32 wks instead of 24 and I was able to get the epidural. My epidural was removed immediately after my surgery, but just before they put something in that would last a couple of days. Can't remember what, but it made my nose and face itch like crazy for the entire two days. I actually peeled like i was sunburned. It did keep me pain free, but I am not sure it was worth it.

Thanks so much for the info all of you. I think that most of my issues with that time in my life happened on the L&D floor. For some reason the actual birth situation has haunted me far more than the NICU experience. I can see the point that I would need to be careful projecting my experiences onto others. From my two alone, I have seen how each experience is different. For the most part, I have always been very at peace with our time in the NICU. Only two memories seem to be lingering and that is the first time I saw him being bagged, and the day they told us we might need to stop heroic measures. I think that perhaps a trip to the NICU as a student nurse might answer a few of these questions and tell me how I might react emotionally. Thanks again!

#1 24 wk Preemie who spent 3 mos in NICU. I pumped for 6 months but never got much after the first 4 weeks. I think it was due to getting the depo shot after 3 weeks which they told me would not dry my milk up, stress with having a critical baby, and lack of knowledgeable support from the medical staff. I kept trying valiantly to pump for 6 months getting maybe an oz at a time, but finally acknowledged that it was stressing me out more than it was helping him at that point. I am so thankful my milk supply was so plentiful the first month because he had enough to be exclusively breastfed until he was released from the hospital at 4 lb 3 oz. I think it makes a difference preventing NEC; we never had a single NEC scare. #2 32 wk preemie nearly 4 wks in NICU. Much more successful this time around. I pumped so often that I got an overabundance of milk. I would get 12 oz at a time! I had a freezer full of it. It overwhelmed her and I had to continue pump/nursing her until she was 3 mos old and got my milk supply down to a normal amount. She continued nursing until she was 14 mos. My husband's mother died of cancer and between time spent at the hospital and her teething she suddenly didn't want the breast anymore. Both of these experiences taught me alot. When I am done with nursing school, I really want to work in the NICU so that I can help mothers successfully breastfeed. They need it so badly, but it is always very difficult when you factor in stress, lack of bonding, etc.

I must confess that I really know nothing professional since I don't start nursing school until next week, but I have a personal experience that is related. When my first baby was born, I had emergency c/s and was put under general. Mind you; liver enzymes through the roof and platelets down to 20,000 (I bled alot) due to severe HELLP syndrome. It was because of the platelets that I was unable to receive an epidural. I can tell you that when I woke up I was in the most HORRIBLE pain anyone can imagine. My liver, my incision, my back (from kidney problems). They prescribed Nubain through a PCA pump. What happened next is truly a sin in my opinion. Several hours after I left recovery, they decided to let me rest. My entire family left to be with the baby (he was 1 lb and not expected to survive). Everyone thought that the nubain and anesthesia would make me sleep. WRONG! Apparently the Nubain has some type of container that has to be opened and mixed (or something like that) and the seal was no good when they put it into the PCA pump. As a result, my pain control was going onto the floor instead of into my arm. I could not reach my call button, and my room was kind of separated from the rest. I cried out for 2 hours until my doctor finally came in on rounds and discovered the problem. I believe by that point I had gone 5 hours from the time that the nubain was put in, and I was white, sweaty, and was bleeding profusely from biting my lips. OUCH! My doctor was FURIOUS :angryfire and I heard her yelling for a good 15 minutes. I know that the nurses were busy and that they were trying to let me rest, but seriously....I had nearly died the night before and they should have monitored me more closely especially since my entire family was at a different hospital with my critically ill baby. It sure is nice to hear when a nurse like you advocates for a patient and recognizes that pain is something that everyone has a right to be as pain-free as medically possible. So watch out for Nubain since nobody seemed at all surprised at this occurence, like it is completely normal for the floor to be anesthetized instead of the patient.

Hi everyone! I am a frequent flyer of the NICU since both of my children were preterm. I hated the reason that I was in the NICU, but I was thoroughly fascinated with the entire atmosphere and soon I was not only visiting my baby when I went, but soaking up information and experiences. I had always known that I wanted to work in the medical field, but my first birth cemented my decision to become a NICU nurse. Now I am done with my pre-reqs and I start nursing school at UTHSCSA next week. YIPEE! My first baby was a particularly traumatic experience. He was a 24 wkr and weighed 442 g. Although he had an exceptionally good course and outcome, there were still the inevitible close calls that happen with a wimpy white boy born this small. My question is: Will this make me a better candidate for NICU nursing since I have been on the other end and have more knowledge about stuff like breastfeeding a preemie (the second go-round I was hugely successful) or will these experiences be a hindrance to me. I am a little afraid that some of the events of the NICU will hit a little close to home. Has anyone had any experience like this? Thanks in advance! Suzanne

Thank you for caring so much about the babies that don't make it. I am the mother of two preemies, one of them a 24 wkr who weighed under a pound. I always felt most comfortable if the nurse on duty was really emotionally connected to him. There was one in particular and we remain in touch to this day. He struggled so much, but his outcome was wonderful. We were spared any IVH's and NEC which are two biggies, but he did almost succomb to a huge pneumothorax. He was on the oscillator off and on for three weeks and had three different chest tubes, plus two femoral cut-downs. That was really rough, but today he is happy, healthy, active and minus the near sightedness and lazy eye problems, and a little BPD, but he is perfect. So remember this little angel who touched your life and be proud of your compassionate nature that allows you to care so deeply. That is what makes you perfect for the NICU. I am in nursing school to follow the same path and in my opinion, if the death of an innocent baby stops making you want to throw in the towel, it is time to switch to a different unit because you are their temporary mother or father, advocating for their interests, encouraging their successes, and comforting their families in the most difficult periods of their lives. My advice to you is to get in touch with a NICU survivor and get an update. It will get your courage back up to strength and remind you of why you chose this profession and why even the babies who don't make it are important. They pave the road for many more to survive and thrive. If we never push the limits of technology, then technology will never advance. Suzanne

I had a preemie at 24 wks exactly that weighed 442 g. That is pretty close to that cut-off. He was born in 03-2000. I want to brag and say that did beautifully. He has no major health issues now. He wears glasses and has some chronic BPD. He never had an IVH or NEC although we did deal with a pneumothorax, chest tubes, and an oscillating ventilator. Many times the docs and nurses discussed how far we wanted to go. I did not want him to needlessly suffer, but while there was still a chance at a normal life I didn't want to give up. Boy, am I glad now. He went to the doctor twice last year and if you discount his eye appointments and once was a routine check-up. From what I have read, 23 wkrs are making it a lot more frequently now. At the hospital he was at the dr told me that 1 in 100 23 wkrs made it and that was nearly 6 yrs ago. Hope this helps in your research on a subject near and dear to my heart. Suzanne

Both of my children were preemie's also. One at 24 wks 442 g and the second at nearly 32 wks at 3 lb 1 oz. They both had IUGR. My first pregnancy I had severe HELLP syndrome which is a more serious form of PIH. Basically, everything that went wrong with me affected him. My platelets dropped to 20,000 so his platelets were low as well and he was given platelets. My liver problems didn't seem to affect him more than normal, nor the Mag. The positive impact that PIH seems to have on neonates is that it accelerates their lung development. My 24 wkr had APGARs of 7 at 1 min and 9 at 5 min. This is truly incredible even if he could not have sustained these numbers w/o intervention. My dtr never received any kind of oxygen at all. Both of my children are healthy today. I am not a nurse yet, but I hope my personal information helps.

I too want to work in the NICU. I am just starting nursing school next week and will be graduating with BSN in 2007. I have personal reasons for choosing this area of nursing. I have given birth to two preemies. My son was 24 wks and weighed less than 1#. He is now 5 and doing well. My 2 yr old daughter was 32 wks and was 3#. I feel that I have so much to offer in this field with my experiences on the patient side of things. I learned to breastfeed a preemie, which is not an easy feat. I feel so discouraged though when I hear that it is a difficult area to get into. I live in San Antonio, so there are many large teaching hospitals nearby and I heard about one such internship at Santa Rosa Children's Hospital. From what I understood, it was a bridge program that could be completed during your last summer before graduating.

Wishing you an uneventful 2006. I pray that your dh steadily improves, and that the message of Christ will reach him through this ordeal. Also, I pray for your family's peace with the knowledge that even though the burdens feel as though they are on our shoulders sometimes, we never have control. Instead of feeling helpless and out of control, realize that this is a gift that we have because we don't have the weight on our shoulders. This was something that I learned when I was 21 yrs old and gave birth to a 24 wkr who is now a healthy 5 yr old. Once I released myself from the responsibility and the guilt that follows, I felt rejuvenated spiritually and my son miraculously improved in about 2 hours. I also wanted to recommend some spiritual fiction novels that deal with the subject of converting people to Christianity through crises such as the one you are dealing with. It is a 4-book series by Beverly LaHaye and Terri Blackstock and they are so wonderful and easy to read! The first is Seasons Under Heaven (I think) and all four have the word "Season" in them. It is nice to have a good book in the hospital. Sorry I wrote so much, but I felt compelled. Dont lose hope! Suzanne