need a help to edit my personal statement

[happydorang]

I am reapplying to the nursing school.

They require an updated personal statement that explains what steps I have taken since my originally applied to strengthen my candidancy for the program. They told me about one page would be fine. So, please look at it and let me know any comments.

I am sure there would be so many errors since English is my second language. Please, help me! I would appreciate it.

This is my third application for the admission to Mount St. Mary's Accelerated B.S.N. Program. I believe my application becomes stronger since I have completed all the prerequisites except one Chemistry class. Even though my major was Chemistry, the Chemistry classes I took were before 2005,so I found out I need to take the Chemistry. The class I am taking now refreshes my memory back to the life in UCLA. I enjoyed lecture and laboratory. My instructor encourages the group works, so I believe this makes me prepare to work as a team when I get into Mount St. Mary's Accelerated B.S.N. Program.

A career in nursing requires a kind heart, a sharp mind, and a passion for lifelong learning, all characteristics I posses. Through continuing volunteering work to my community, I have learned how to work with people, doing whatever it takes to improve their life and day. Even though my volunteerism for the children with disabilities and youth group with mental illness, I found out my weakness as the work experience in the health care field. So, I applied the Children's Hospital as the volunteer on February and went to the orientation. This gives me excitement of new learning and also prepares me to be a better nurse in the future.

One of my favorite bible verse is Job 23:10, "But he knows the way that I take; When he has tested me, I will come forth as gold". For last year, I have spent most difficult time of my life for waiting and feeling of rejecting from what I really want. Through this hardship, I believe I become a stronger person and understand better others, who have gone through hard time in their life. I have more desire and passion to become a good nurse not to become a nurse. To my dream comes true, I am ready to dedicates my commitment, heart and hard working to Mount St. Mary's Accelerated B.S.N. Program.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

Will move this to the pre-nursing forum.