Need some advice

Are these too folks able to make the decison to reside together or apart themselves. As far as being cantankerous, was it toward each other?

What do they have to say about being separated?

Unless they are abusing each other it seems a little cruel to separate and old married couple.

Perhaps you could have them met in a comman area, like a dinning room in your facility to eat together and give their meds together... if you think this is an issue, bring it to the attention of an ombudsman... to mediate a solution that will resolve the couple's issue and the lack of understanding w/ the son....

ALF = assisted living facility? I hate abbreviations! That said, is he of sound mind? If so, he has the right to refuse his meds, if not crush them and mix with applesauce or icecream, if the meds are crushable (not extended release).

Ok I'll try and answer all your questions. I was rushed this morning so I didn't give a lot of detail.

I work 11pm to 7am. So what I saw was mostly her being nasty to him. She initiated the move to separate moves. The day they moved to separate rooms, her husband refused to speak to her. I told her "what did you expect? you made this move without his knowledge. Its like you've left him after 51 years of marriage. He's hurt but I'm sure if you go talk to him, it'll be ok." Well she won't go talk to him because according to her now, it was the son's idea not hers and its not her fault he's angry. I've tried getting her to maybe write him a letter and tell him she misses him. But she just gives excuses on why he won't accept it and that he hates her. Its just an ugly situation, especially at their age.

I think he is of more sound mind than she is to refuse meds. The facilities position is "We can't make him take it". I'm not sure if they tried crushing the meds and putting them in food, but seeing as how he isn't eating the food they give him, I'm thinking it doesn't matter either way. This concerns me that he won't eat and won't take his meds because he used to have no problem doing this. I'm not sure if they got him to finally take his meds today or not. I'm hoping they did. Even though they are both difficult residents to deal with, I'd like to see them live a long, happy life.

Thanks for the advice. I'll look into ombudsman. :)

Tough situation. IF she doesn't wanna have anything to do with him you can't make her. Makes you wonder if she wanted away from him for a long time and finally got her chance. Who knows what their life was like before they entered the facility.

I know my parents (especially my mom) sound terrible to anyone who doesn't know them. That is just the way that they have always carried on. But I also know that it would be hades to pay if you ever tried to split them up.

If this has been a recent development then maybe he will come to terms shortly.

Good luck

ALF = assisted living facility? I hate abbreviations! That said, is he of sound mind? If so, he has the right to refuse his meds, if not crush them and mix with applesauce or icecream, if the meds are crushable (not extended release).

Zowie...I'm not sure about the regs in assisted living, but in a SNF, crushing meds in ice cream to give them to a resident who refuses to take meds is NOT allowed. Even if they are demented, they still have the right to say no.