Just burnt out
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I'm half way through my program. Half of my class is gone due to failing and many others have only been saved by questionable last minute bonus points (some avail to the rest of the class and some not) I just lost my job last weekend because I kept cutting my hours to study more and finally they told me that they were letting me go (little bit more detail there but thats the gist of it...I didnt expect it but I did see it coming). We're in debt up to our eyeballs to get me through school. My house is a disaster. Our program is of questionable merit, and I have not yet found a student or clinical site past or present that has had anything positive to say about it. Yesterday we had a quiz in Pharmacology, a test in Med Surg 3 and a test in AP2. I also found out that I failed a quiz in Med surg that I took on monday. There's more, but you get the gist.
As of today I have not had a day off since Christmas (but now that I have no job...).
I'm just so fed up. So done. I don't know how I'm going to put one foot in front of the other and go back in next week. I have always felt as though I really loved school and while I dislike many things about my program, its always been a challenge to me to do well. I thought I found my calling in Nursing. But today... this whole week... its all I can do not to just give up and walk away. I am so burnt. I could sleep or cry or ... I don't know what. I don't financially need to go, and in fact its hurting my family that I am going to school (cost of child care is more than my house payment and two vehicles that I've gone through thus far ect - one caught on fire and the engine siezed on the other, neither covered by insurance and this is just since august)
Does anyone else ever feel this way? I am so frustrated and annoyed and I can barely stand to be around my classmates or my teacher or anyone at the clinical site. I dont trust myself around friends and family because to be honest, I'm just a royal b$%^# right now. I am just so sick of spending every single waking moment of every single day studying or going to/from class and clinicals, studying, squeezing my parenting responsibilities into the very few moments of free time I have (I let my daughter stay up almost 2 hrs past her bedtime last night just because it was my first chance to snuggle with her in a week)
I should say that I am not a person prone to being moody and have a tendency to speak my mind and move on. I'm just SO stuck in a rut at this moment. The thought of going to work after school is over makes me nauseous. I just want to curl up on the couch and watch a full season of Hero's with a pizza, 6 pack of beer and a bucket of ice cream.
Thanks for listening to me vent. (err reading my vent)
Anyone else starting to lose sight of their goal in the midst of school stress?