Introduction and Looking for Support

[celesteanne]

Hi, I'm Anne, an LPN. I'm sort of new to this forum, but not to the program. I used to post a long time ago, but it's been years, so I'm starting over. I'm halfway through my program. I'm not sure of the exact name, but I'm under contract with the state BoN for another two years. I check in weekdays to a site called affinityehealth and submit to random UAs, which add up to around 18 a year.

I was caught diverting and I ended up more or less being forced to resign from my hospital job. I was reported to the state BoN and they investigated, but then a year went by and I didn't hear from them. I had assumed that my license had been restricted, but it hadn't, so I went ahead and got another job. I hadn't said anything to the new employers because I hadn't heard from the board and wasn't on any contract. Frankly I was hoping I'd fallen through the cracks and wouldn't hear from them. I'd been on the job around 6 months when I was sent the paperwork and contract by the board. I immediately went in and talked with my supervisor. I was assured that my job was safe (it wasn't), not to worry, but I had to be placed on leave until they received a copy of my contract and could see where things stood. It took a couple of months, but when they finally got the contract they decided that there were too many restrictions for them to be able to accommodate.

Long story short, I have been unable to find another job, even though there are quite a few places that do work with nurses under contract. Things got so tough that I lost my home to foreclosure, my retirement is gone, my savings is gone and I'm extremely depressed. I cannot graduate from the program without working under my license for a year with a worksite monitor. I'm really scared that I will not make it simply because I can't get a nursing job and I will have spent years attending several 12-step meetings a week, a weekly peer-group meeting and doing random UAs at my own expense. It horrifies me that I might do everything I can to make things right and follow my contract to the letter only to fail because I cannot get a job. I turned 60 this year, so I know I'm up against a fair amount of age discrimination, as well as being restricted on my contract. I guess I'm just getting really discouraged at this point. Hoping for some encouragement that this will work out.

[Umberlee]

Something similar happened to me, except I self-reported that I had diverted. I made it sound like it was a one-time thing (it wasn't) and I had just made a mistake. In reality, I had a serious problem. No one knows the depth of it aside from my therapist and other people I've met through recovery. In the beginning, I had a very tough time finding a job as I had worked my prior job since I was 18 years old so my work history was basically wiped out. I went to the most scuzzy dive of a nursing home that had the worst reputation in town and managed to get hired there. I sent in my resume first and didn't disclose my contract until my interview, and when I showed up for my interview it seemed like they had more or less already decided to hire me and hadn't checked my references. I have wanted to get other jobs and have been turned down for them. I thought about turning in a resume and application directly to the hiring manager at the floor I wanted to get on at the local hospital along with a letter explaining a little about my situation. What I'm doing obviously wasn't working, so what's the harm in trying, right? (I didn't end up doing that, but I have found a couple much better jobs since, thank goodness.)

Meeting up with others in my monitoring program has been invaluable. Do you have the opportunity to do that in your area? That way you can find out what places are program-friendly and what aren't. It is so, so, so discouraging to keep getting shot down, and to have to worry about how you're going to make it through financially. Did you apply for unemployment? Not sure how the law is in your state, but in mine, if you were fired because of diverting while you were suffering an addiction, they can't hold the "theft" against you. I had applied for unemployment, been turned down, and my appeal window had passed when I discovered this. I wrote a detailed letter explaining that I had just been made aware of the exception for substance dependence and even though my ex-employer showed up and said all sorts of horrible scarring things at the hearing, they believed my version (which was the true version) and unemployment really saved my butt financially. Not sure if the same exception applies in your state and too much time may have gone by, but I was so lucky I even found out I qualified, so I try to spread that story around every chance I get in the hopes that someone else will benefit.

I just keep telling myself that this will all be over soon enough--it is like prison, it is doing time--but even if you have to work an incredibly sucky job to get through your time, just shoot for any job that will get you credit. I hope for the best for you. Keep your head up, better days are in sight and not all that far away.

[celesteanne]

Well, I wasn't caught diverting, but I was caught thinking about it. My supervisor knew I was thinking about it and I just confessed. They recommended I self-report myself which I did, but they also filed a report. They had suspected I had a problem and they were right. I had been in denial, but I knew deep down that I was in trouble, that the problem went deeper than I wanted to admit.

I have been advised not to disclose my contract and restrictions until I am interviewed. No one has said anything yet, but I suppose they could get annoyed that I didn't put it on the application. The peer group facilitator and other group members all said it was better to discuss it when interviewed. Everyone has been very nice to me when I've been interviewed, they just don't hire me.

My peer group that I have meetings with is very small. I go on Monday and it must not be a popular day because there are only five of us on that day. I know nothing about any of the other groups except that they are all full except the Friday group and I was going to wait and see what day worked better for me when I start working.

I never qualified for unemployment. I probably didn't push it hard enough. I filled out the pre-screening questionaire and gave up when it asked if there were any restrictions placed on my license that would affect or prevent me from doing my job. Of course, I have a ton of restrictions placed on my license: no narc passing, no overtime, no home care, no night shifts and a bunch of stuff that make it hard for places to hire me. So I assumed that with the restrictions I would not qualify for unemployment because you have to be able to apply for and accept jobs without a bunch of restrictions. I also can't take advantage of the diagnosis of drug addiction or dependence. I really didn't want that medical diagnosis when I was being evaluated and I went to great lengths to not be given that diagnosis. It was a year and a half after I was caught and the investigation begun before I was evaluated. By that time I had been completely clean and sober for a year and a half. The drug counselor who did the evaluation stated that he saw no evidence of current drug addiction, but that before and after my knee-replacement surgery I had certainly been dependent on narcotics which led to my diverting. So I lack the diagnosis of drug dependence and cannot use that to help get unemployment. I think if I had been willing to stretch the truth and maybe manipulate the system a bit, I could have managed but honestly, all I wanted to do was go hide my head in a hole until the whole thing was over. But I will definitely keep trying. Something is bound to come through. Thanks for sharing your story. It does help to know there are others to talk to who have gone through similar situations.

[swansonplace]

I was just wondering if there are other things that are possible while things get cleared up. LPN/RNs are skilled in health care, and can do many other things in related fields. For example: tutoring, open own business - agency, or nursing continuing education, etc.

[celesteanne]

I would be happy with that sort of thing, however the contract prohibits operating a healthcare business and it requires that I work as an LPN under a site monitor for one year. I cannot graduate from the program without working as a nurse under a monitor. The whole point of it is to put the nurse back into the acute care-type setting where she is dealing with the normal stresses and expectations of nursing. Med passes are restricted to only non-narcotic meds. I'd be perfectly happy in a job working as a nurse, med pass or not. I just want to get through this program and out the other side, so I can get a life back.

[RNMSN51]

I feel your pain. I am taking some time off and gave up my position. So when I decide to go back, I am going to have a really hard time finding a job. I have to work one year in nursing supervised to complete TPAPN, which is the peer group in Texas. It does not feel like a peer group though and that is why I am looking for recovering nurses in my area in Austin, Texas. Good Luck to you.

[swansonplace]

I would be happy with that sort of thing, however the contract prohibits operating a healthcare business and it requires that I work as an LPN under a site monitor for one year. I cannot graduate from the program without working as a nurse under a monitor. The whole point of it is to put the nurse back into the acute care-type setting where she is dealing with the normal stresses and expectations of nursing. Med passes are restricted to only non-narcotic meds. I'd be perfectly happy in a job working as a nurse, med pass or not. I just want to get through this program and out the other side, so I can get a life back.

I understand.

[HunnieBadger]

Have you looked at dialysis? They are recovery friendly and don't deal with narcs. Its where I got my second chance, and i know they hire LPNs. Stay strong and keep your head up, it will happen!

[celesteanne]

Thank you! I will look into dialysis. I assumed they would require RNs only.

[Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN]

Celesteanne: also look at psych. We tend to be more recovery-friendly than a lot of specialties, plus we hire LVNs. In addition, there are some settings where you'd give little to no narcotics/controlled substances.

[Umberlee]

My current job (in psych) has been the most program-friendly of all my jobs since beginning monitoring. However, I've been told that isn't necessarily the norm. The place that originally fired me was a large human-services organization whose mission was to serve those underserved and not served, including all sorts of vulnerable populations where substance abuse is rampant. Despite this and my long-term work history there, they were very quick to fire me. I also thought maybe religious-affiliated hospitals would be more program-friendly but have not found that to be the case either. I'd definitely try dialysis or psych!