Help! Need input for my Mom fast (long - sorry)

[cescvorrn]

Is anyone from Hospice or familiar with end-of-life issues available? My Mom was admitted to the hospital 12/22 with diverticulitis/perf'd colon. (2 weeks ago she had recieved a "clean bill of health" from her geriatric specialist) A little background: Mom has had progressive memory loss for 10 years. She is now 72. She was very active & independent within the confines of her disease up until last Saturday. The Memory Care Assisted living facility sent her to the ER & she was admitted in severe pain, CT showed free air, perforated colon etc.

The surgeon said the inflamation appeared localized & suggested agressive IV abx to see if it would resolve vs colon resection w/ colostomy. So, PCA, NPO, foley, PICC.

She has steadily declined: more confusion, abd distention, pain. Increasing WBC, temp, B/P, HR while on 3 abx. She is clearly miserable & can't remember where she is, why she's here, why she hurts, what's wrong, or not to pull on the foley, PICC & especially why she can't have a glass of water. It breaks my heart to see her beg like a baby bird for ice chips & tell her she can't have more right now.

The surgeon says today may be our last window of opportunity for surgery. It cannot be done without a colostomy. The future I see with this option is Mom in a SNF, completely unable to grasp the concept of her condition, the colostomy, or that she can't mess with it. Which she WILL, because she is not able to remember not to, therefore she will be restrained, therefore MORE miserable, in danger of decubitus, etc.

I always knew I would NEVER use heroic measures to keep a loved one around just to be miserable and in pain. But faced with the decision now I am finding myself unable to choose between a faster painful end, or the probability of a slower painful end. I want to do what I can to make it best for her. I am an only child without close family. My husband is also a nurse & extremely supportive. I would appreciate some objective input & point of view. The surgeon will be in later for my decision.

Thanks

[Advocate1]

What would you want done for you in this situation?

[calliesue]

I am sorry you are in a difficult place with your mom, I know we can't give medical advice,but you might call on a local hospice company to get an opinion on whether or not your mom is hospice appropriate. They can be a wonderful help to people in your position.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

I'm so sorry for you being in this position. It's an agonizing decision. But one that should be made between your mom's MD, you and your husband. We really shouldn't be offering an opinion. Take care and best wishes.