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Discussion

Grieving Families...

Just wanted to get some advice and see how other new nurses handle grieving families and loved ones. I work in a smaller emergency room, Trauma II level with 3 fast trak beds, 12 rooms and 4 trauma rooms. Last week we had three codes in one night, all three didn't make it. This was a first for me and I found myself having a hard time knowing what to say or what to do. As ER nurses we respond to all codes in the hospital and have no previous knowledge of the family or the medical situation that has lead to the code, so we find ourselves just quietly leaving after the time of death is called. I feel that even though we talked some about death and talking to families in school, we really didn't discuss it enough or even practice what we would say or do in these situations. I found that it was hard for me to just walk back down to the ER and go back to my patients without taking a moment to gather my thoughts but the other nurses with me seemed to think that this was strange. Maybe it just takes time to get used to it, but that seems so heartless or uncaring..maybe I am just naive.

If anyone is willing to share their experiences or thoughts on this, I would greatly appreciate your insight.

Thanks so much,

Wendy

Featured Replies

  • Expert

If you've had no previous contact with a family, no one expects you to be any more sympathetic than anyone else would be. It's perfectly fine to just gently touch their arm on the way out of the room and say "I'm very sorry for your loss". And then leave. There is no way for you to know how the people were related to the deceased, or what kind of relationships they had, so there's no point in making too much of it. They aren't going to remember you personally anyway, just as one of the bodies in the room.

  • Columnist

Although after time you will develop a way of handling such situations, it will still affect you. When it gets to the point that death doesn't bother you, then you need to worry. Nurses need to go about their duties in a compassionate way.

You can also show you care by preparing their loved one's body for their viewing in a mindful manner (i.e. cleaning face, providing pillow, blanket, making a hand exposed for holding, etc.) , providing chairs and tissues, telling them that touching is okay, explaining why the et tube has to stay in place if it's a ME case, preparing family regarding the et tube, whatever before the viewing, being present in the room - esp. if person is alone, explaining all you did to try and revive person, providing list of numbers for greif counseling (most local hospices have groups, therapists, referrals).... If you have time, just being present is very valuable. do the best you can and remember that it is a privaledge and a solemn thing to do service for people who may be experiencing one the saddest moments in their life.

I agree w/previous posters ... this is difficult for you right now because dealing with death "routinely" is not something that is part of most people's life experience unless/until they work in health care.

I personally say a silent prayer for patients who pass away, but you'd never know it -- I do it as I'm cleaning up a room, charting, making a phone call, or even joking with co-workers.

You'll find your own way with this.

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