Essay for Application--please help!

[sweeti2567]

If any of you don't mind, would you PLEASE read over this essay for nursing school? It is only about a page and a half long now and I need it to be three pages (that's the minimum) and please tell me what you think. The topic was: Why I want to be a nurse. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

There has never been a question of what area of the work force I wanted to devote my time to; at three years old I received my first medical kit, and I was hooked. Influenced by family members and being able to witness a nurse's holistic role for the patient embedded deeper in me that I had a calling to serve others in the medical field.

In June of 1998 my uncle was diagnosed with brain cancer. In the following four months, I witnessed nurses staying not only at his side, but the family's also as his cancer progressed. These nurses went above their required duties and cared for my uncle and family not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. When my uncle passed away in October, the nurses grieved with my us and acted as a strong support system for us. Witnessing the best and worst parts of the nursing environment did not cause me to waiver in the decision to be in a nurse; if anything, it made the urge stronger.

I have a well rounded understanding of nursing and its advantages and drawbacks. I am prepared to see a wide variety of cirumstances, some of them unpleasant, but also know the benefits of working as a nurse will far outweigh the disadvantages. As a nurse I hope I can provide comfort and care that will enable my patients to maintain and improve their health physically, mentally, and emotionally.

The field of nursing has many attractive qualities; the scientific aspect to medicine, being an integral part of the health care team, becoming a patient advocate, and working in a motivated, needed, and such a necessary field fascinates me.Having great communication and listening skills, I belive I will enjoy the collaborative nature of the work, the team approach, and the work required to care for the patient as a team. Where I lack in experience, I believe I will compensate with the ability to learn quickly through hands on experience and through the classroom. Being able to work well independently and multi-tasking but at the same time being able to collaborate with others towards a common goal will help me on the job. I believe in order to be a good, well-rounded nurse it not only takes intellectual accomplishments, but also a heart for the job; it takes compassion and understanding for the patient and the willingness to strive to get the best healthcare for them as possible.

After receiving my Bachelor of Nursing degree I fully intend on following it with a Master's degree. In the future, I look forward to not only working in the United States but also working on medical missions to help those not privledged to have modern medicinal conveniences.

[VickyRN, MSN, DNP, RN]

If any of you don't mind, would you PLEASE read over this essay for nursing school? It is only about a page and a half long now and I need it to be three pages (that's the minimum) and please tell me what you think. The topic was: Why I want to be a nurse. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

There has never been a question of what area of the work force I wanted to devote my time to; at three years old I received my first medical kit, and I was hooked. Influenced by family members and being able to witness a nurse's holistic role for the patient embedded deeper in me that I had a calling to serve others in the medical field.

In June of 1998 my uncle was diagnosed with brain cancer. In the following four months, I witnessed nurses staying not only at his side, but the family's also as his cancer progressed. These nurses went above their required duties and cared for my uncle and family not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. When my uncle passed away in October, the nurses grieved with my us and acted as a strong support system for us. Witnessing the best and worst parts of the nursing environment did not cause me to waiver in the decision to be in a nurse; if anything, it made the urge stronger.

I have a well rounded understanding of nursing and its advantages and drawbacks. I am prepared to see a wide variety of cirumstances, some of them unpleasant, but also know the benefits of working as a nurse will far outweigh the disadvantages. As a nurse I hope I can provide comfort and care that will enable my patients to maintain and improve their health physically, mentally, and emotionally.

The field of nursing has many attractive qualities; the scientific aspect to medicine, being an integral part of the health care team, becoming a patient advocate, and working in a motivated, needed, and such a necessary field fascinates me.Having great communication and listening skills, I belive I will enjoy the collaborative nature of the work, the team approach, and the work required to care for the patient as a team. Where I lack in experience, I believe I will compensate with the ability to learn quickly through hands on experience and through the classroom. Being able to work well independently and multi-tasking but at the same time being able to collaborate with others towards a common goal will help me on the job. I believe in order to be a good, well-rounded nurse it not only takes intellectual accomplishments, but also a heart for the job; it takes compassion and understanding for the patient and the willingness to strive to get the best healthcare for them as possible.

After receiving my Bachelor of Nursing degree I fully intend on following it with a Master's degree. In the future, I look forward to not only working in the United States but also working on medical missions to help those not privledged to have modern medicinal conveniences.

This is beautiful and I can tell it came from your HEART :kiss

[llg, PhD, RN]

I think the content is fine. Those are good, sound reasons for becoming a nurse. As far as making it longer goes ... I would recommend going into more detail. For example, you could talk about how you played with the medical kit you received as a child. You say you have a well-rounded understanding of nursing. How did you develop this understanding? ... Certainly that involved more than just watching the nurses taking care of your uncle. Did you have other experiences with nurses? etc. etc. etc. Take what you already have and flesh it out more to go into more specific detail and lengthen it.

Also, be careful of your grammar and punctuation. I notice that you sometimes use semi-colons to separate complete sentences. There is nothing wrong with complex sentences with more than one independent clause, but you want to be sure to do that correctly. You also should combine them with shorter, more direct sentences that add "punch" to the paragraphs.

Good luck,

llg

[BandEmom]

Wow. That was way better than mine. Why not talk more about your missionary plans? I'm sure that would be interesting and persuasive.

[Bonnie Nurse]

Okay, just my opinion........ Your essay seems to need a more clear focus. The meatiest paragraph is about other nurses. All the information is basically accurate, but you want the people reading this essay to be able to see you in the future...... a living breathing well-prepared dedicated nurse. My advice would be to take what you have (a good start) and find a good high school writing teacher who could help you craft this into something that would help it stand out. You need to link your particular talents/ attitudes/hopes to the profession. In so doing, they should come away with an impression of you as a person who has a strong emotional and professional connection to the profession that will serve you well as your career evolves. I think you need to include specific goals in more detail. I read an essay a student wrote for admission to Princeton. I thought it was okay and worked on it some with him, but after an Advanced Placement English teacher had worked on it, I have to say it was even better. He got in and is doing very well. I think it would be worth your time. If a piece of paper is your first introduction, make it a real doozie! Ask around. A creative writing teacher might work also. Hope this helps. :balloons:

If any of you don't mind, would you PLEASE read over this essay for nursing school? It is only about a page and a half long now and I need it to be three pages (that's the minimum) and please tell me what you think. The topic was: Why I want to be a nurse. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

There has never been a question of what area of the work force I wanted to devote my time to; at three years old I received my first medical kit, and I was hooked. Influenced by family members and being able to witness a nurse's holistic role for the patient embedded deeper in me that I had a calling to serve others in the medical field.

In June of 1998 my uncle was diagnosed with brain cancer. In the following four months, I witnessed nurses staying not only at his side, but the family's also as his cancer progressed. These nurses went above their required duties and cared for my uncle and family not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. When my uncle passed away in October, the nurses grieved with my us and acted as a strong support system for us. Witnessing the best and worst parts of the nursing environment did not cause me to waiver in the decision to be in a nurse; if anything, it made the urge stronger.

I have a well rounded understanding of nursing and its advantages and drawbacks. I am prepared to see a wide variety of cirumstances, some of them unpleasant, but also know the benefits of working as a nurse will far outweigh the disadvantages. As a nurse I hope I can provide comfort and care that will enable my patients to maintain and improve their health physically, mentally, and emotionally.

The field of nursing has many attractive qualities; the scientific aspect to medicine, being an integral part of the health care team, becoming a patient advocate, and working in a motivated, needed, and such a necessary field fascinates me.Having great communication and listening skills, I belive I will enjoy the collaborative nature of the work, the team approach, and the work required to care for the patient as a team. Where I lack in experience, I believe I will compensate with the ability to learn quickly through hands on experience and through the classroom. Being able to work well independently and multi-tasking but at the same time being able to collaborate with others towards a common goal will help me on the job. I believe in order to be a good, well-rounded nurse it not only takes intellectual accomplishments, but also a heart for the job; it takes compassion and understanding for the patient and the willingness to strive to get the best healthcare for them as possible.

After receiving my Bachelor of Nursing degree I fully intend on following it with a Master's degree. In the future, I look forward to not only working in the United States but also working on medical missions to help those not privledged to have modern medicinal conveniences.

[GirlOnPfizer, BSN, RN]

Did you get into nursing school with this essay?

[LaceyRN]

if any of you don't mind, would you please read over this essay for nursing school? it is only about a page and a half long now and i need it to be three pages (that's the minimum) and please tell me what you think. the topic was: why i want to be a nurse. thank you so much!

there has never been a question of what area of the work force i wanted to devote my time to; at three years old i received my first medical kit, and i was hooked. influenced by family members and being able to witness a nurse's holistic role for the patient embedded deeper in me that i had a calling to serve others in the medical field.

in june of 1998 my uncle was diagnosed with brain cancer. in the following four months, i witnessed nurses staying not only at his side, but the family's also as his cancer progressed. these nurses went above their required duties and cared for my uncle and family not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. when my uncle passed away in october, the nurses grieved with my us and acted as a strong support system for us. witnessing the best and worst parts of the nursing environment did not cause me to waiver in the decision to be in a nurse; if anything, it made the urge stronger.

i have a well rounded understanding of nursing and its advantages and drawbacks. i am prepared to see a wide variety of cirumstances, some of them unpleasant, but also know the benefits of working as a nurse will far outweigh the disadvantages. as a nurse i hope i can provide comfort and care that will enable my patients to maintain and improve their health physically, mentally, and emotionally.

the field of nursing has many attractive qualities; the scientific aspect to medicine, being an integral part of the health care team, becoming a patient advocate, and working in a motivated, needed, and such a necessary field fascinates me.having great communication and listening skills, i belive i will enjoy the collaborative nature of the work, the team approach, and the work required to care for the patient as a team. where i lack in experience, i believe i will compensate with the ability to learn quickly through hands on experience and through the classroom. being able to work well independently and multi-tasking but at the same time being able to collaborate with others towards a common goal will help me on the job. i believe in order to be a good, well-rounded nurse it not only takes intellectual accomplishments, but also a heart for the job; it takes compassion and understanding for the patient and the willingness to strive to get the best healthcare for them as possible.

after receiving my bachelor of nursing degree i fully intend on following it with a master's degree. in the future, i look forward to not only working in the united states but also working on medical missions to help those not privledged to have modern medicinal conveniences.

i would recommend changing these two words to something like challenges or difficulties. they have a less negative connotation.

i also agree with the previous posters advice to elaborate on more details. otherwise, nice job!