Does it break your heart?

Life is very difficult. One day this past June I enjoyed lunch with my brother. The next day at the same time a police officer came to my door and his first three words were..."I regret to..."

And just like that my brother was gone. It is fair? Hell no. Does it make sense? Hell No.

I find that If I spend my time trying to explain the unfathomable complexities of the universe that it will drive me insane.

All I can do is wake up each morning and make the concious choice to continue on........

Babies die Babies live. If no one ever died, babies included this planet would collapse upon itself. Try to take a bigger picture look at things....it may help you.

Life is cruel.

How do you keep from getting so emotional? I'm still tore up!

The trick is not to "keep from getting so emotional", but to allow yourself to experience the emotions. I presume you were not in a patient's room when you were viewing these videos, so feeling sad and torn up, and allowing yourself to fully experience the grief that gripped you, and spending some time thinking it over and questioning in your mind, was completely appropriate. The minute you make yourself stuff your sadness over the death of a human being is the moment you start to go from being a compassionate caregiver to simply doing a job. There is an appropriate time and an appropriate place to experience those emotions. Sometimes it's after you've left a patient's bedside. Sometimes it's at the bedside. I have done both. You will learn when you need to cap it until you're in a more appropriate place and when it's okay to show your emotions in front of a patient or family. One of the most prevalent complaints about our healthcare is that it's dehumanized. When we as caregivers show our human side and offer compassion and empathy, and yes, when we grieve over the loss of a life, it shows that the patient was not just a room number and/or diagnosis, but a valued human being.

Short answer- yes.

However, I am able to stop my tears by giving the pt and their family the best possible care while allowing them to say goodbye.

At the hospital I worked NICU/Nursery at, I had a L&D nurse call me for "camera" help. They had a FD and photos are taken for the family if they wish to have them. I was able to clean the baby, wrap it in a blanket, put a christening like gown on it. We do plaster foot and hand prints and a few other things to make a memory keeper for the family.

Sometimes I do have to take a breather in the clean laundry room to screw my "big girl panties" on and remember that I am in that hospital to care for them. A diet pepsi helps my 5 stages of grief to move right along.

You will find your own way of coping.

I work in a nursing home and have seen so many (old) people die I can't begin to keep count. I love old people but I can handle it when they die. Babies and children, that just messes me up so bad.

Its when you stop reacting that you should be concerned. We are human.

Ditto to what previous posters have said. But also think about how wonderful it was for this baby to die in his mother's arms with her singing to him and not alone in an isolette hooked up to monitors. This mother had a chance to know her baby, if only a little, and to show him that he was loved and will be missed. Death is inevitable for us all. This was a good death.