debilitating anxiety

I just felt i need to let this out. I feel depressed on the fact that due to debilitating anxiety i couldn't work. I think this has also something to do with my poor self esteem. I am overweight and i always doubt my capabilities.I trained a few years ago, i finished 2 out of 3.I was so stressed out during the first 2 trainings.. i finished it but i was drained and im not sure if im gonna be happy with that kind of job. Someone told me that its because thats the start. That the start is always the hardest. On the 3rd time, I was preparing for meds, the nurse left, so I was the one only preparing the meds, i was nervous, and i when she returned i think she was doubtful if i did it correctly. I know that this was a thinking error. I was so nervous and disspointed with myself that I quit. i got scared. I shouldnt predict people's impression or whatsoever. It was the last time i gave up. After that, I studied a different course, (since I gave up already on nursing) i studied 3x but i gaVE UP. When things get complicated and demanding I gave up. I couldn't live with torture thats why I wanted to just stop everything so i could breathe and I couldnt take the stress because im wits end.

After all this quitting, i just felt tired and scared to try again. I am still physically able, but my mind is so frustrated if i should try again. I always think negatively and i was afraid if something could go wrong. i have other options if not nursing-- but i always think negatively. I have a lot of what ifs and its draining.

I felt embarassed, because, for so long i dont have a job and it seems i have given up on myself. i know that it is only me who can help myself. I guess i will try therapy.